Bailiffs!

[FairCoralCat]

Hi everyone,
My DP (we’re engaged but not married) has now subjected me to two bailiff visits in a matter of months.
Both times he’s been at work and I’ve been home with the DCs.
I have had no idea anyone would be visiting the house for this purpose and I’m upset, embarrassed and furious. What would you do in this situation?

Life is going to be one hard depressing slog with this man

I won’t marry him and I won’t have a joint bank account (he wants one)!

I'm sure he does want a joint account. Those funds could be used to pay his debts and you'll end up with shit credit too.

Having people over and worrying about more bailiffs showing up is the least of your problems. Get him out of your home. This dude is nothing but Trouble.

What is the point of you and he being together at all, let alone engaged to him if you are (thankfully and rightly) not going to marry him. Give your head a wobble here. Are your boundaries really this shit that you’d put up with such crap just to have a man?.

There will undoubtedly be further visits from the bailiffs.

What do you want to teach your kids about relationships and what are they learning here?. This is. no relationship model to be showing them

I certainly wouldn't be marrying him!!

What did he say the debt was for the first time? My advice on whether to LTB depends on whether it’s a parking ticket he ignored a bit too long vs a CCJ for some court proceedings he’s ignored or a criminal fine or whatever.

I would be very very wary given his keenness to marry you and get a joint account (I’m sure you’re lovely but you’re also helpful to share his debts!) and make sure you have a full picture of his financial situation, credit history and ask for evidence proving what these debts with the bailiff related to before considering moving on with this man

Where did this debt come from?

Joint stuff? Then both of you need to sort it out.

His stuff? Then I’d be gone.

Yeah I can imagine he does want a joint account op!!!

It's the fact that two sets of bayliffs have been round and the op dp hasn't had the necessary conversation with the op "I'm very sorry I ignored a letter and I'm in hot water" etc

What other conversations haven't been had?

Obviously it has gone quite far if bailiffs have gone round, but it doesn’t mean it is a serious amount of money. Could be a parking ticket that got ignored, and is now a few hundreds of pounds

This is good advice. You have to protect yourself and your DC. Do not marry this man or you will have a lifetime of worry and misery. I'd be making him leave after these visits. He can still parent his DC but not drag the whole family into his debt.

Yeah I can’t imagine my partner coming home and me not immediately getting to the bottom of the first bailiff let alone the second!

Can I just point out that, in England and Wales, you ARE NOT liable for someone else's debts unless you agree explicitly. Marriage WILL NOT make you liable for your spouse's debts (though they will be taken into account for the settlement if divorcing) if you were not jointly liable in the first place. This is true whether they pre-date the marriage or are incurred after it. Even after marriage, you would have to explicitly agree to be liable for debts, if they were run up by the spouse in their sole name.
This is why one spouse can be bankrupt and the other not.

Wow! Your immediate reaction is to leave before you’ve even found out if it’s a mistake or mistaken identity? Wow. They may be legitimately there for OP’s fiancé but the fact your first response is to leave someone before gaining any further facts, is astonishing! Says a lot about you tbh.

This is not true just fyi. Being married to someone does not make you anymore liable for their debts than your next door neighbour

Fucking hell this is one hell of a leap! 😆

The debt is one thing but for me it’s that it sounds like he hid the debt and he hid the bailiff visits. They hand deliver a note before they turn up, so that was his chance to tell them it was “mistaken identity” as a PP said, but instead he just didn’t tell you. What I would do next depends on the amount, why he owes it and whether he has hidden anything else (I would be asking to look at his bank accounts if he wanted to regain my trust). Similar happened to a friend and it turned out he had spent his half of the house deposit plus more

Leave

Get on Experian etc and make sure your credit is ok.

Then leave him.

Omg op so does this mean your address is blacklisted due to his debt

What do you want people to say? You are choosing to have a relationship with him, this is what it looks like. Get used to it.

Or leave. Up to you.

It’s for a few thousand. There’s a gas bill and debts going back to when we weren’t even together

If it’s your house tell him to leave and if it’s his then leave. This will just be the tip of the iceberg and for gods sake don’t marry him or you will be liable to pay his debts!!!

Massive red flags!!! Pay for a few months credit reports - the free ones don’t show everything and not the red flags - and make sure he’s not linked you to his debts!!!

Tell that to the bailiffs and the debt collectors then!!

Sounds like he is not paying the first one back. Run.