Where are women in their thirties meeting serious partners offline?

[Clmtrrtox]

Where are we meeting partners or potential partners these days?

I absolutely cannot do online. I just can't.
I go salsa dancing but most men there just want a leg over.

Other than that, I don't go out really. I work with all women. I'm 31 and have a young son so a bit limited sometimes.

I find most men 30+ just don't want anything serious these days or they just pretend to...

I'm happy on my own I just don't want to be. I want a family and a partner

Are you sporty at all? What hobbies are you genuinely interested in? Faking enthusiasm is detectable a mile off and makes you as bad as the salsa guys.

Climbing, board games night, vintage railway clubs, rugby, sailing are all male dominated

Online I’m afraid. Or singles events.

I met mine at a wedding.

Unfortunately OP, I've seen no end of these sort of threads where people say that they cannot do online (absolutely fair as it is a waste of time) and the answers will still be "online" and "burned haystack".

Try singles events, at least you do some socialising instead of wasting hours alone critiquing every OLD profile.

Friends of friends? Walking/running groups, social/games/hobby groups? Volunteering, community projects?

If you buy three boxes of Coco Pops there's an address on the back where you an order your ideal man.

My colleagues neighbour did it, she's 37, a larger lady with three kids. She decided she wanted a tall, dark handsome man with about three million in spare cash and in a fortnight he turned up, swept her off her feet and now she's married and they are all living in his eight bedroomed house in Kensington.

It could happen to you too, just make sure you buy those Coco Pops.

most men there just want a leg over

Most single men everywhere just want a leg over (and a fair good few of the married ones too).

All the good men who want long-term, stable relationships will have got married already by their mid thirties and will still be in those relationships.

When I left my DS's father, I wanted another relationship. I was single for over ten years, and not for lack of looking and trying.

Sorry.

This is such a myth.

I met my DH at a house party - he moved into a house share and one of the other people living there was a close friend of mine. I owned my own flat but a girlfriend rented the 2nd bedroom. We lived in London and, in my social circles, it was normal to house share - barely anyone lived alone, although it was more common to be sharing with just one or two other people by the time we were in our thirties (obviously this was a romantic partner for some). We were still partying quite hard although not as often as when in our early 20s! And a fair bit of socialising/going out where we might meet different people. It doesn’t sound like you have that sort of lifestyle tbh - I guess because you are a parent already - so much harder to meet someone. But I do think house parties/ meeting people through friends is a good way to do it - unfortunately that is difficult if your friendship groups are more mature than we were

Friend's brothers or friends' friends/housemates. Get them to set you up on a date or go out in a group.

There are some speed dating events and singles nights in my local town that I’ve been eyeing up. Don’t know if I’ll actually go through with it 😂

All my friends are married with kids so dont really go out anymore/ like that! I spent my life so far with the wrong man unfortunately 😫

Mine and my friends lives arent like that really. Theyre all married and busy with wife life

I hope so!! I'm only 32!!

I do think this is true. The good ones have been snapped up.

Honestly I think mid 30’s as a woman is a really hard time to find someone, I have friends having the same issues. The men who they are interested in are a similar age to them but those men aren’t looking for women in their mid 30s they are looking for women in their 20’s, the men who are looking at the women in their 30’s are in their 50’s and so not the age bracket my friends are interested in and so no luck there either.

I know my friends have found it really tricky, they want children and have found that the men their own age who do want marriage/children are looking at younger women so that there is no urgency time-wise for babies, whereas women in mid 30’s realistically there is a tighter timeframe. May be different if you don’t want any more children OP but it does seem a tough one!

Same can be said of the women than surely?

In all seriousness though. There are good men (and women) out there at that age, but they’re just in a much smaller number and harder to find!

This trope is perpetuated a lot on MN, because it shifts the blame elsewhere. People will come on here and say there are no decent men out there, when they filter out perfectly decent men (but are under 6 foot tall for instance).

People need to be realistic about their expectations, that's why I don't buy into the "Burned Haystack" because it essentially makes you look at every man and find a reason to say no (such as grammar mistakes in an OLD profile) and you end up looking for a unicorn.

I've also spoken to men with unrealistic expectations. So it's not a female only problem. OLD hasn't helped matters, particularly as they are just based on looks.

Mr Perfect doesn't exist, and don't make the mistake that Mr Perfect and Mr Decent are the same.

No idea where to suggest you go, but the more places you go and more things you do the better your chances. I wouldn't worry about the guys wanting to get a leg over, when I met my husband I didn't want a husband, but I liked him and quite fancied getting a leg over myself. A few years later I still enjoyed getting a leg over so we made it official, now happily married and with a DD of our own.

It all depends on your perception of what "good" and "decent".look like, and not just the usual words that dont attribute to physical traits, and more importantly, the physical traits you dont want

You could just as easily make this comment about women, the OP states that all her friends are married with families.

You could just as easily argue that the men who want those things- want marriage and children, pick the best women they can find and the ones who don’t get picked are not “good ones” 🤷

I can personally vouch for the fact that a large proportion of men in their 30s are scared stiff of women of the same age. Too much pressure to get married, have kids etc. So they are happily shagging women in their 40s & 50s who don’t have the same concerns. One young man told me quite earnestly that ‘women my age are mental’. I set him straight but I think that’s a widespread attitude

I find the 'just want a leg over' comment strange - men wanting to have sex doesn't mean they wouldn't want a serious relationship. What makes the two mutually exclusive?

But I do the same about women. My brothers 43 and is trying to find the one. Best of luck to him, he’s gonna need it.

I met my partner on a night out as a single mum aged 31. I will say it was only possible to do this because my ex had my daughter every other weekend and I had friends who enjoyed going out regularly so we bumped into each other a few times before actually exchanging numbers etc. if I hadn’t been in a situation where I could go out regularly I have no idea how I would have met someone other than online, possibly through work?