Husband said my phone calls annoy him

[Nicole999]

Should I be offended that my husband says it annoys him when I call him? Apparently that’s why he’s constantly hanging up on me. But if I don’t call at all he asks why I haven’t called him & says how come I don’t care about him. I’m not sure if I should be offended or if this is some kind of mind game? Any input would be appreciated thanks

Mind game.

He's a dick.

Agreed.

Would phone calls from the person you supposedly love annoy anyone? Is that a normal thing to say

Arrested development. Did you want a project?

It’s a mind game. You can’t win.

What are your calls about? DH phone calls annoy me sometimes

Sounds like you can't win really if he's not happy either way...but then if you're calling 15 times a day about nothing, I would find that exceptionally annoying.

It really depends how often you’re calling him

I barely call to be honest I wait until he calls me unless it’s something important about the kids. I didn’t call at all today he called a couple of times while at work then this evening he said how come you didn’t call and bother me today. I was confused and really upset as I didn’t understand what he meant

What are you calling about? I mean it sounds like either way you’re doing something wrong from his POV but I don’t know why you’d be calling each other multiple times a day anyway. We only call each other if something’s happened that needs an immediate response, really.

He sounds like a prick 🤷‍♀️

If he said he'd prefer texts, that's fine, or if you're bothering him when he's at work/with other family or friends.
But if he complains you're not phoning, say it's because he complains when you do, and if he means he'd like to talk at certain times but not others, then you both need to agree on those times, or message first to ask if it's a good time. And that means it must suit both, not just one of you, you're equal!

Are you calling him while he’s at work? That would annoy me too if it wasn’t an emergency 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, in 30+ years of marriage, the only times I have called my husband were pretty much when someone had died! I certainly would never call him at work, as he had a busy job so certainly couldn't be disturbed for trivia.
I guess it depends why either of you feel a need to speak during the day - don't you see each other every evening? Can't your conversations wait until then? And there is also texting etc for quick "admin type" messages, if needed.

So he just... Hangs up on you mid conversation?!

Total mind games. You say I don’t call people who complain about my calls and I don’t call people who hang up on me. I’m usually not even friends with people like this, why would I be? You need to stop being controlling and making nothing I do ok. I’ll call if it’s an emergency with the children and texting doesn’t seem urgent enough. Apart from that, you don’t get to treat me like that and then get mad at me for not calling you. You’re not 6 and I’m done with tolerating 6 year old type arguments from you.

Yes all the time even though I beg him not to

Thanks I’ve actually said something very similar & he promises not to buy starts again with the disrespect the very next day

To clarify we call as he’s away for work. I usually don’t call him as he’s at work so he calls me when he’s free. I would only call when it’s urgent such as when our daughter was very ill a couple of weeks ago

So don’t call the next day. And if he says you didn’t call say of course I bloody well didn’t, I see you didn’t grow up either. You can call me and hope I don’t hang up on you.

He needs to make his mind up

He sounds like a ridiculous, petulant child.

Thanks for the responses. For example this morning he sent me a good morning text saying he loves me, but no apology or phone calls after saying I annoy him yesterday. If we end up talking later & I ask what he meant by me annoying him he will shout & hang up on me. I’m tired of these mind games so I didn’t respond to his good morning text. Does anyone know if this is the right way to go about or what I should do next? Thanks a lot

I would leave him for that alone. He sounds rude and disrespectful.

Very strange behaviour from him.
To answer your question my dh works away a lot and he gets up earlier so is the first to text good morning, I reply when I wake.
That’s it for the day and we’ll usually chat in the evening depending on time zones.

What’s happening with ye sounds spiteful and stressful. Is this what your marriage is like in general?