If you were starting over now, after having had a long relationship, would you try again?

[DewDropsAndCobWebs]

If you have been together for say, 20+ years, a) do you still like each other?
And
b) if something happened to them, would you look for another relationship when you were ready?

I am seeing a lot of people who don't seem to like their partner, but that could just be those who aren't happy are more likely to say so?
I have been with DH 30+ years, I still like him, and I love our marriage, but I would stay single is something were to happen to him/us.
I don't think I'd want to go through what it takes to start all over, even if it would be good, if that makes sense?

I wonder if people would try again, because maybe this time around they'd find what they'd hoped for the first time?
Or are most like me, and just wouldn't want to go through it all over again?

No real reason, I'm just bored in a waiting room, and wondering

Been with DH close to 30 years but have known him for 32 years.

I said to him a couple of weeks ago I would be so bored if you died. Now what I mean by that is he gets me 100% and I don’t think anyone else does. I have a lot of great friends who I enjoy my time with but he is my total other half.

I wouldn’t need money, I could find plenty to do, I have never fancied that many men so chances of finding anyone I fancy or maybe even tolerate would be so slim very probably not.

I have told him if I die first it’s all good for him to have another woman but if he messes up DS inheritance, the part that is totally the assets I have amassed, it’s a very decent amount, I will haunt him to the ends of the earth and I would be one of those vindictive spirits.

I would sell our motorhome and get something smaller and get a border terrier dog and travel about. I watched that man lose his luxurious hair and get every line on his face, we made those lines together, I probably caused some. I don’t want to look at anyone’s else’s lines I don’t know how they were made.

I am really hopeful DH would find someone if I went first, after a decent mourning few months.
I don't think he'd be happy on his own, deep down. And he is a really good husband, so I think he'd find someone fairly quick.

If I tried again, would be forever comparing someone and feeling they came up short, and that's not fair to them.
Plus I really, really like my alone time.

DH travels for work and can be gone 6 months at a time. I do a lot of solo camping, hiking, and traveling already.
I'm good at doing thing by myself, but some of the earlier comments, especially about spooning, make me wonder if I manage it just because it's not forever?

I used to think this. After my 20 yr relationship ended I thought i would meet someone or that I'd definitely have relationships.

I haven't had 1, not so much as a date in 7 years. I only briefly experienced being lonely in the first few months.

I was 45 so quite young.

We’ve been together 40 years. Our marriage is far from perfect and I’ve come close to ending it at various points but ended up ploughing on.

Seeing what my single friends go through on the dating scene, no, I wouldn’t bother seeking another relationship. I’d keep busy, take up more hobbies, go on group holidays etc and if I met someone organically then maybe see how it went.

Only one of my divorced or widowed friends has successfully moved on into a good relationship. The others have ended up with wasters/commitment phobes/neanderthals.

I have said for a few years now that i wouldn’t bother again, its great when you have been together a long time, still get along, still love each other, on stable ground and haven’t argued for many years- but the ups and downs of getting there is too much hard work to bother and i wouldn’t want to bother with anyone other than him 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I’ve been with DH nearly 40 years … we met when we were 18.

We still have a laugh together and now the kids have gone we’re travelling more which has been great. Our relationship is prob better now our kids are adults as we had very different parenting styles and we clashed quite a bit over them.

I can’t imagine being with anyone else if he died or left me. I’ve got lots of friends, busy job, I’m close to my DDs.

But I’ve never lived alone so maybe I’m under estimating how hard that could be.

I’ve not been with my husband that long, but I know I wouldn’t date again if anything happened to my marriage. Maybe if I met someone by chance while living my life, I’d be open to it. But I wouldn’t want a blended family or inheritance issues for my son, so I certainly wouldn’t live with or marry someone again.

My husband and I are so compatible, it’s like I currently live and parent exactly how I want anyway. There’s very little need for us to compromise about anything that really matters. The chances of finding that again are minimal and I’d rather just do things by myself than compromise.

Been with my DH 30 years +, we absolutely adore each other and I couldn't imagine being without him. I am so lucky to have found my person. I wouldn't want a relationship with anyone else if I lost him.

Ive had two long term relationships. I have now been living alone (albeit with two tween/teens) for a year. I am mostly.ok most of the time. My kids are good company, but one day they'll leave, my parents are awesome and I talk to them most days,but they're nearly 80. I have some incredible friends, but none of them live close.i love my job and my team, but work is work.
When im tired, or I'll, or just having a quiet weekend I miss the steady warmth of someone else in the house, someone else to make a coffee for, or to bring you a cup of tea, or to curl up on the sofa and watch TV with, not talking, just existing. I miss someone to talk over life decisions with, someone to be there when you've had a big win or a tough day and want to share.
I've been in a relationship where I felt lonely a lot and yes, that's worse,but ive also been in a relationship where it felt like hime, and god I miss that and would absolutely love to find that again. Those of you who have not been without it, i don't think you quite realise what you have and how much you'd miss it.

I still like and love DH after 25+ years. If something happened it would be just me and the dogs cuddling up on the sofa. I have my children, friends and family, and I’d have my memories. I couldn’t imagine starting again with someone new and all the blended family palaver.

it is interesting that men seem to find/need relationships more than women after a certain age/point

i don't doubt that a lot of it is to do with not being used to/wanting to deal with day to day household drudgery - growing up and becoming more aware, it has been a massive surprise to me to find that so many seemingly otherwise reasonable men do so little around their homes or for their families.

my dad always did his fair share despite working odd hours - he lost his father at an early age, so had to muck in i guess and just carried that into his adulthood

as a result, that's what i saw and have replicated myself, and have modelled as expectations for our dc.

for me it's definitely not that.

part of it is to do with having a limited social circle, so i have been more reliant on my DW for companionship i guess.

i do recognise that this hasn't been helpful to our relationship, or for my own mental well-being, so am taking steps to ensure that if i do find myself in another relationship at some point, they're not my only source of social interaction outside work.

but even acknowledging all this, i would miss physical affection hugely - sex, yes but moreso just the more innocuous physical reassurances - holding hands, someone's legs across me watching tv, morning snuggles.

i'm not sure i'd want to go without that for the rest of my life

it is interesting that men seem to find/need relationships more than women after a certain age/point

Is that genuinely true?

Been together over 30 years , we're a good match inc sexually .
I am virtually 100% certain that if we split , highly unlikely or he died , i will not look for another relationship.
I can't imagine getting intimate with another mans body parts 😝😂and no way would i want him and his stuff moving into my home and space.
I actually feel quite relieved when i think about it that i never have to seek another relationship ever again.

If my relationship agree with pp who say they wouldn't actively seek something out.

My dream then would be a Golden Girls with my single female friends.

If I found myself to be single or widowed I definitely wouldn’t go looking for a man. If I did find by pure accident a rare unicorn that I could have a relationship with - I’d rather be boiled alive than live with another man again.

No, I don't think they have Macaroni. I have remained in a lonely marriage for various reasons I don't want to go into. I think those who have ready access to a lovely companion and affection don't understand how it can be.
Meanwhile, I have recently attempted to build up friendships and those aren't easy to come by either (at least for me). Fortunately I do have a couple of good friends. Having wonderful relationships as you age is a blessing and a blessing some people take for granted until they aren't there.

I’m 39 and I know for certain I wouldn’t do it again. I can satisfy all of my needs myself, without a man, and if my husband died I would get enough from his life insurance to clear the mortgage and have half a million left, so I would enjoy my family and holiday after retiring (probably quite early).

I could not think of anything worse than having to compromise on who I am and what I like in order to become a couple…I like my alone time, my husband is my best friend and we have basically morphed into the same person so we don’t have disagreements about what to do or watch etc, so I would holiday (after a reasonable mourning period obviously)

Absolutely no way, never ever. NO!!!!

I now believe that getting married is the biggest trick and trap ever invented.

I don’t drink but I can understand why most women do drink.

A) No B) No

Me too

Spending time solo when partnered and being permanently solo are oceans apart. My mother said repeatedly if anything happened to my dad she’d be perfectly content alone, reading and pottering. He died in his early sixties, she couldn’t cope at all, was remarried within a year.

This has already happened to me and several years later, I am on my own.

I won't go on Apps, if I met someone who I thought was all that I wanted, then maybe. But I'm afraid I rarely see men I'd be interested in.

When you're financially independent, it's nice to be on your own but there are always challenges that might be going on holiday, events, sorting the car, house and any other problems alone, where you used to be part of a team.

Can't think of anything worse than sharing a bed with a man again, to sleep anyway! I know couples older than me who are bored and never do anything together so if I was like them in a couple, I'd be glad to stay single.