If you were starting over now, after having had a long relationship, would you try again?

[DewDropsAndCobWebs]

If you have been together for say, 20+ years, a) do you still like each other?
And
b) if something happened to them, would you look for another relationship when you were ready?

I am seeing a lot of people who don't seem to like their partner, but that could just be those who aren't happy are more likely to say so?
I have been with DH 30+ years, I still like him, and I love our marriage, but I would stay single is something were to happen to him/us.
I don't think I'd want to go through what it takes to start all over, even if it would be good, if that makes sense?

I wonder if people would try again, because maybe this time around they'd find what they'd hoped for the first time?
Or are most like me, and just wouldn't want to go through it all over again?

No real reason, I'm just bored in a waiting room, and wondering

I'm a person who likes being alone anyway, but I think the reality of living alone and potentially being lonely vs thinking about it is probably a big difference.
I have single friends who are mostly fine but have pretty bleak Christmases, for example.

Exactly this. Most of the time it’s fine living alone but bank holidays, Christmas, holidays can be very lonely and having no default person to give you a lift, ask after your day etc can be very hard to manage.

Yes, I get that. But I'd rather share with a friend or some kind of communal living arrangement than have a partner I was just using for company.

Easy to say from within the cosy bubble of a happy marriage, though.

I am a widow after 35 years with DH. I did dip my toe in the dating arena after 18 months.
im now just over two years of being a widow and nope, I shall be staying single for the rest of my life. Nurse, purse or one night stands seems to be all that on offer and I’m not even remotely interested in those options.
He would have to be someone who added, not subtracted from my life.
I miss someone to share things with.

Agree with other posters though, although DH and I never did Christmas and had no family, I am finding Christmas very hard to get through. Still haven’t found a suitable answer either.

I've been with dh over 20 years and tbh since I hit menopause it's been much harder to tolerate living with people. I do still love him but I don't think I would be interested in having another relationship, or if I did, it wouldn't be with a man and it wouldn't be a live in situation

Married 30 years, widowed three months. No, I wouldn't. No one would match up to late DH for a start. But I don't sit around. I have a life and want to lead it. I'll be alone for Christmas but I know I can cope or even relish it.

DP and I have been together just over 20 years, DD has just buggered off to uni.

If we split up for any reason, or god forbid she died, I think I'd be back on the dating market fairly quickly.

I'm an introvert, but I go pretty stir crazy fairly quickly without any meaningful human contact. The few times I've lived alone, I've really not enjoyed it. Even when DD and DP have gone away for a week, I feel a bit not right by the end of it. I've got friends, but they've all got their own lives, and even being with the office all day with colleagues doesn't fill the hole. There's just something not right for me about rattling around an empty house.

So yes, I'd probably be looking for a relationship reasonably quickly, the alternative is becoming the streets crazy old man

Not yet approaching the 20+ year mark, but if my husband went before me, there is no way in hell I'd entertain dating or getting into a relationship with a man again. I was lucky with my husband, it's slim pickings out there.

I love my own company, have travelled the world alone and lived alone, it's bliss. I have a decent group of friends and loving family for company. I will not risk disrupting my peace for anyone

The trouble as I see it is that being in a relationship is no guarantee of not being lonely.

My absolute loneliest days were in an unhappy or difficult relationship.

I’m now blessed with friends with whom I can go out and about. A sibling who very generously checks in with me every day, a new routine which I really appreciate. Even people with whom I can go dancing. So my companionship takes a bit more effort and is spread across a good few people.

Is it ideal, of course not but it’s a lot better than being in the kind of relationship where you see the potential but actual ache with loneliness

I have been with DP for over 25 years. Seems like about 6 months still sometimes! I still like and love him. If I were to end up single I would not actively attempt to look for a new partner. I wouldn't rule it out but I wouldn't be interested in anything like online dating.

I am very happy being on my own and not the sort of person that needs company at home all the time or someone to talk to.

The thing about living alone is that loneliness can be dealt with. Being lonely and living with someone is much harder to deal with ime.

living alone I can do what I want, if I need company I can phone a friend or just go out where other people are - even go to the cinema and sit in silence with others, or go on a mystery tour somewhere completely new to me. Trying to do that when you have someone else living with you who questions what you are up to, but doesn’t want to do things with you and who’s lifestyle you have to accommodate, meant for me, that loneliness was much harder to deal with.

My ex left me for another woman after 20 years together but things had been up and down for a while. I have been single for 8 years. While I am not against the idea of meeting someone, I am not looking. I have never done online dating and find it terrifying. Back in the day, you met people in the pub and everyone went to the pub. That seems unlikely these days as I only go rarely. I do like being single though. I am financially independent and have spent the last few years raising my son who is now at uni. I rarely feel I am missing out (a cuppa in bed would be nice). Being in an unhappy relationship takes so much out of you and I am at peace which is not something I would want to give up.

I've had a couple of Christmas days on my own when I was younger, and I remember them very fondly - I thoroughly enjoyed being completely self-indulgent. I smoked cigarettes and drank champagne in the bath, I mad myself an ENORMOUS Christmas lunch with no-one making remarks about how much I was eating, and I didn't have to watch a single minute of any Bond films. It was marvellous.

in the last couple of months, my 25 year marriage (together nearly 30 years) has past the point of no return, so living alone will be in my near future.

i'm late 40s.

i absolutely will put myself out there again at some point.

dc1 is back home after uni and working full time, has a steady partner - they will for sure find their own place together at some point

dc2 is in final year of uni, no signs of any relationship, but industry they want to be in will mean living elsewhere

dc3 at 6th form, probably the biggest home-bird of the 3, but at some point will have their own life/family

i don't want to rely on them for companionship for the next 30 years - it's an unfair burden on them

i won't fling myself at the first person that looks my way, but i've loved being married, and love devoting myself to and sharing my experiences with someone, so will try again...

I'm happily married and have been with DH for almost 20 years. If it ended or he died I don't think I'd have blokes queueing up for me, but I wouldn't date for a long time.

It'd be nice to just consider me and the kids for once. Not gaving to compromise on how I decorate, what's on TV, where we go on holiday, what to eat sounds too nice to give up straight away!😂

I think everyone misses a good spoon. I know those that changed there mind. No living together or sharing space or blending families but they miss intimacy. Not the shagging per se but just being held.

Married for 25 years, still like dh, would not want another relationship. No one could come close.

Been with my husband 27 years since 20. At only 47 if we were to split yea id seek a new relationship and hope he would too. We are good friends great co-parents but there sure have been some issues between us, largely stemmed from my own lack of assertiveness and his tendency to be a bull in a china shop.

Those saying you wouldn't look for another relationship...I bet your husband would. I remember in my ds primary class, a child lost their mother, the dad was shacked up with one of the single mums at the school within a few months.

Men like someone to keep their bed warm

@Justaquestionplease quite probably. I suspect that my DH would have not been long on his own, had I gone first. But someone else’s reaction to a situation doesn’t mean you should act the same way.

it’s been well researched that widowers seek/find themselves in a relationship much more quickly than widows.
I suspect it’s because women still do the bulk of the housework/child care/life admin (call it what you will) and men are lost without that. Or maybe it’s because due to (as people age) there tend to be fewer men to women available? Who knows. We all have our own reasons for doing or not doing something, but just for copying others shouldn’t be one of them

Been together 30 years and still love each other, if he died I would not look for another relationship.

I've been with dh for almost 30 years and married for 25. I love him very much. He is a very good husband and father.

If something happened to him I would like to think I could/would meet someone else. I'm only mid 50s, I'd definitely miss the companionship and the sex.

The thought of dating apps is horrific though.

@Justaquestionplease if I’m dead what do I care. I trust DH to make the right choice for our children, they’re nearly grown now anyway. Honestly the main thing I expect he’d do is buy a Mustang with the life insurance money, he’s a warhammer type, not a ladies man. But as I say, he can do what he pleases!

1. Absolutely. Like. Adore. Respect.
2. Don't know. Feel it's unlikely. I've had lots of male friends and I didn't respect* them enough to consider them anything more than friends. I thought I'd never marry.

• When I say respect, I mean look up to, respect their views and know they're fair and open enough to admit when I'm wrong as much as when they're wrong, etc. I look up to him. And I know, it's mutual.

Split up with long term partner 5 years ago and thought I would meet someone but actually, I now don’t think so. I have a full and lovely peaceful life and although I wouldn’t rule it out if someone amazing came along, I am certainly not lonely or bothered at all. I love my life. I do have a 10 yo DD though, so very busy. But even when she leaves home, o would just do lots with my friends and I will also always have a dog!

I also have a very long checklist, which was fine when I was young and pretty but now I can’t really afford to be choosy…but I still am🤣