I really need some perspective here..
been with partner 2.5 years. I’ve always had issues with some behaviour that I feel is “controlling”
so the weekend we went away abroad for my birthday. We sat down for a meal and I put my phone on the table and messaged my friend a few times.. 3x to be precise. She had some really good baby news so I was thrilled for her.
he said to me “it seems to me that you’ve been on your phone a lot today”. I look at him and I’m like what? And he’s like yeah.. I don’t know what you’re doing on it but it’s been a few times. And at this point I say no I havnt? I’ve been on a few times to message 2 of my friends.
he then said “ it would be nice to feel like your prioritising your relationship rather than prioritising your friends”.
at this point I lose it… I said I’ve barely messaged them and went onto my activity log and said look I’ve been on what’s app for 6 mins in 8hours. I sent 2 messages at 1pm and 4 messages at 2pm.
I said both my friend today are struggling with baby loss news and they have no one to talk to? i said I am not the type of friend to ignore them just because I’m away and on holiday. I said I could understand if I’ve spent the whole meal on my phone but we’ve just sat down..
we’ve not even ordered… I’ve spent all day with you. He then said well you might have only been on it 6 mins but it’s the constant checking to see if someone’s messaged you, you going onto social media and looking.. doing your usual check of the 3 social media accounts, checking in with your son, checking in with your friends. He said you’ve messaged 7 people today.. I said no I’ve messaged 2 friend and my son because my bank card has been hacked.
I said had my bank card not been hacked I wouldn’t even of been on my phone in that time period?
I said he’s being unreasonable and out of order. He said that he had spent a great deal of money and time to take me here and all he’s asking is a reasonable request. I said it would be reasonable if I spent the whole day on my ohone but the evidence and facts are there in black and white.
I went mad and said if you think that I’m a type of girl to be told when I can and can’t go on my phone and not message my friends and be self centered then your with the wrong girl.
he said “evidently I’m with the wrong girl” I’m with someone who’s ungrateful and hasn’t even shown appreciation for being here.
i went to the toilet and I came back still fuming. And then it was “ your over reacting, this reaction is not normal, why are you being this way” which infuriated me even more.
there is numerous times where he accuses me of being on my phone too much, saying he doesn’t know what I’m doing on there, telling me that it’s shady.
the day before he told me in the car that the 2 weeks In a row I’ve got my hair and nails done and not come over to have dinner with him and his kids and basically he’s a bit miffed over it because I’m prioritising that over spending time with his kids. I said I could understand if it’s a pattern but it’s twice and I get them done so infrequently anyways.. and self care is important to me.. I have a stressful job, I share custody so can only do things like that when I don’t have my kids so i just book it in on a day my kids are with their dad.
i said this is the straw that broke the camels back and I’m sick of the constant finger pointing, blaming me for everything, telling me it’s my tone, how I speak, if I didn’t attack him he wouldn’t have to be so defensive.
i posted on here before about his over reaction to me going on an abroad day trip with my friends and I got the cold shoulder and guilt trip.
he’s now messaging me saying I’ve over reacted and my reaction didn’t warrant this. I’ve said he’s controlling..
I said I can understand to a point about having quality time and I’d be more open to it if he was like can we have some quality time babe do you mind putting your phone away.. but to say “it seems to me you’ve been on your phone a lot” .. and then when I got his phone usage up.. he had been on his phone more times than I had and spent more
time in general on it.. and had been speaking to his daughter for 15 mins consistently over messages!! I mean it doesn’t bother me but it’s pot kettle black here.
on the evening we got home and I said I’m done with this I’ve had enough he said I was acting mental and behaving mental… he said he didn’t say I was mental but acting it? Same
thing to me..
I just feel like it’s really unfair and to me controlling? I’ve told him he’s controlling and actually showing signs of narcissistic traits.