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Original poster

My partner doesn’t invite me to couples nights out.

48 replies

CreativeWren · 19/09/2026 23:50

Hi, I’m just trying to get some perspective on this issue. I’ve been with my partner for over 5 years, we don’t live together and both have our own kids from previous relationships. We do a lot of things together and are a proper couple but we have our own lives too.

A few times over the years my partner has been invited out with his friends and it’s become clear that the friends’ wives and partners are going too but no-one has thought to invite me. I don’t really know any of these people but I think it’s disrespectful to not at least invite me as they know that we are a couple, even if we are not living together like a conventional couple. If I was going out with my friends and their husbands I would automatically invite my partner and my friends would invite him to any couple-y things they were inviting me to. It’s happened again tonight and my partner doesn’t seem to see a problem but I’m really hurt by it as it feels disrespectful to me and our relationship. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ThisUmberSwan · 19/09/2026 23:54

In my opinion this is a your partner problem not who he goes out with. You are his partner he should be telling them you are joining along seems as though all of their partners are

BettyBoh · 19/09/2026 23:54

I agree that this seems cruel.

whats his excuse/reasoning?
have you met his family? Any of his friends at all?

sherbetlemonade · 19/09/2026 23:55

Seems like he doesn't want you to go. If it were the friends arranging the nights out, then surely he would ask if you could go too. He's not doing that, is he? If he's arranging them, it's him who isn't inviting you.

Not a friend problem, a DP problem. Presumably you've discussed it with him, so what does he say? Why doesn't he think it is a problem?

FancyKitten · 19/09/2026 23:58

Are they mutual friends of his ex? Maybe they used to socialise a a couple with these friends.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 20/09/2026 00:02

This isn’t on the friends - I’d be questioning your partner , it’s him who should be inviting you and telling the others tonight I’m bringing creative wren.

Have you met these friends at all after 5 years?

Original poster
CreativeWren · 20/09/2026 00:06

I can never really get to the bottom of his reasoning why as he just glosses over it. Tonight it’s a night out with friends from his home town and he did invite me but only because he could tell I was annoyed when he said about it earlier and he only gave me 30 minutes notice so obviously I said no as the invite was an afterthought. Previously it has been other friends who he said are ‘big drinkers’ and I wouldn’t enjoy it!

I accept that he should be the one inviting me or saying that I’m coming along and I find it upsetting that he thinks it’s perfectly fine to be a single person amongst all the couples and I feel it belittles our relationship and I’m not being given my place.

OP posts:
Sweetbeansandmochi · 20/09/2026 00:06

I am with you op. It’s weird.
So let’s look at the options:
He doesn’t want you there.
His friends don’t know about you.
His friends don’t know you are a serious couple.
His friends don’t like you.

None of these are great. However your partner should be asking in advance for you to come along/ just bringing you along if it’s in a pub.

Sweetbeansandmochi · 20/09/2026 00:07

You updated while I was typing.

Is he usually thoughtless in other areas?

Original poster
CreativeWren · 20/09/2026 00:12

He can be thoughtless in other areas and when I bring it up he says he’s just a man and doesn’t really think that deeply about things like that and says I overthink things. I think it’s just an excuse as he is caring in other ways and is generally a good partner but I find this upsetting that he seems to want to keep me at arms length. I’m not at all needy but this upsets me and makes me question our relationship.

OP posts:
BibbityBoppityTwo · 20/09/2026 00:16

It sounds like he’s worried you might not get along with his other friends, but that should be for you to decide. If my partner was keeping me separate to his friends I’d consider that a bit of a red flag. But even if he asks you as an afterthought, I’d still be going and finding out for myself if I want to join in in future. It might be that you have a great time.

Sweetbeansandmochi · 20/09/2026 00:17

Hmmm - it’s quite strange if he is caring in other areas. He said that the others drink a lot and you might not like it - does that actually mean that he is getting blotto drunk? And he wants to do that and thinks he can’t if you are with him?

Anyway, I think it is hurtful - everyone wants to be with someone who is proud to have them with them.

Original poster
CreativeWren · 20/09/2026 00:20

Yes it does feel like a red flag. I would have gone tonight if he’d asked me a few days ago or even this morning but 30 mins before is a bit short notice. I’m going to try and speak to him about it.

OP posts:
Sexman5433 · 20/09/2026 00:21

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Sexman5433 · 20/09/2026 00:22

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PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 20/09/2026 00:23

I think he’s got a thing/ crush on one of the ladies - either friend or wife who is already taken - and he doesn’t want type to see him fawn over her

Could be completely making that up but it’s odd otherwise

Original poster
CreativeWren · 20/09/2026 00:23

Yes and I think that’s the bit that hurts, he should be proud of me. I’m going to have a chat with him about it soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
CreativeWren · 20/09/2026 00:26

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 20/09/2026 00:23

I think he’s got a thing/ crush on one of the ladies - either friend or wife who is already taken - and he doesn’t want type to see him fawn over her

Could be completely making that up but it’s odd otherwise

Maybe, but it’s not always the same groups of friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
CreativeWren · 20/09/2026 00:27

Sweetbeansandmochi · 20/09/2026 00:17

Hmmm - it’s quite strange if he is caring in other areas. He said that the others drink a lot and you might not like it - does that actually mean that he is getting blotto drunk? And he wants to do that and thinks he can’t if you are with him?

Anyway, I think it is hurtful - everyone wants to be with someone who is proud to have them with them.

Yes and I think that’s the bit that hurts, he should be proud of me. I’m going to have a chat with him about it soon.

OP posts:
AdeleRochester · 20/09/2026 00:28

You have been together for 5 years and haven't go to know his friends? That’s pretty odd

Why has no one organised a dinner party/night in the pub to get to know you? Surely that’s pretty normal when someone in your friendship group has a new partner?

Original poster
CreativeWren · 20/09/2026 00:31

AdeleRochester · 20/09/2026 00:28

You have been together for 5 years and haven't go to know his friends? That’s pretty odd

Why has no one organised a dinner party/night in the pub to get to know you? Surely that’s pretty normal when someone in your friendship group has a new partner?

So I know his core friends and their partners/wives and he does sometimes invite me to things with them, although not everything. These other nights are with other friends that he doesn’t see regularly or sometimes just acquaintances that he’s met at the gym or at work etc. But I feel that if their wives are going then why aren’t I??

OP posts:
PJ98 · 20/09/2026 07:31

no-one has thought to invite me

Your partner doesn't invite you, don't be blaming anyone else!

babyproblems · 20/09/2026 07:35

He doesn’t want you to go.
Why… are you very different from his friends? Is he embarrassed? Is there any history between him and anyone else there? Is there drugs? There’s a reason he’s not invited you. It’s nothing to do with his friends - it’s his choice…

Morepositivemum · 20/09/2026 07:41

Sweetbeansandmochi
I am with you op. It’s weird.
So let’s look at the options:
He doesn’t want you there.
His friends don’t know about you.
His friends don’t know you are a serious couple.
His friends don’t like you.
The more obvious answer is they were good friends with his ex so don’t want to be disloyal to her surely

YoghurtPond · 20/09/2026 07:46

But do you even know these people, OP?

Imbusytodaysorry · 20/09/2026 07:50

CreativeWren · 19/09/2026 23:50

Hi, I’m just trying to get some perspective on this issue. I’ve been with my partner for over 5 years, we don’t live together and both have our own kids from previous relationships. We do a lot of things together and are a proper couple but we have our own lives too.

A few times over the years my partner has been invited out with his friends and it’s become clear that the friends’ wives and partners are going too but no-one has thought to invite me. I don’t really know any of these people but I think it’s disrespectful to not at least invite me as they know that we are a couple, even if we are not living together like a conventional couple. If I was going out with my friends and their husbands I would automatically invite my partner and my friends would invite him to any couple-y things they were inviting me to. It’s happened again tonight and my partner doesn’t seem to see a problem but I’m really hurt by it as it feels disrespectful to me and our relationship. Am I being unreasonable?

You don’t know the people because your partner has kept you away. .This is on him . He has not given you the respect as his partner . Seems he prefers a night out without you . Let him have them full time . I wouldn’t have accepted this for 5 years . Put a line in the sand .