My BIL has been emotionally abusive towards me on a on and off basis since the early 2000’s and I need some advice what to do going forwards.
In the past me and DH have fallen out with BIL due to these behaviours, not spoken for years and then BIL has somehow found his way back into our lives and it’s been like history repeating itself, again and again, nothing ever changes.
The abuse has been false accusations after accusations, belittle me, hurting my feelings, excluding, ignoring, name calling, manipulating DH, etc..
I was accused recently by BIL of throwing myself down the stairs deliberately in front of my disabled children, which caused me to be hospitalised! I would never do anything like that and the fact he said I did something like that in front of my disabled children is beyond belief and really hurtful! I’m now left wondering if I was too careless, that I should have been more careful. Its really got to me and upset me.
The BIL won’t speak to me about his behaviour and refuses to engage in peaceful talks between us, whenever DH has suggested it he’s told by BIL he isn’t playing my games anymore and that I’m redicolous.
DH denies that brother has been abusive but won’t learn about it like I’ve done. DH doesn’t think BIL has done much wrong and I’ve been called over sensitive.
This BIL doesn’t even know me well, due to us not seeing him a lot yet he still seems to victimise me whenever something inconveniences or angers him.
I’ve had enough.. I haven’t known a lot about abuse up until now but after learning what it actually is I’ve told the DH that I’m finished with BIL’s behaviour, and that I don’t want his brother anywhere near me! I’m not afraid of him anymore and tbh done with the brother.
DH still wants to maintain a relationship with his brother and to me it feels like he is just accepting his behaviour and moving on even though it’s caused me significant pain.
DH is seeing him in person on a weekly basis and I’m not sure how to feel about that.. DH talks about him often and I still feel he is part of our lives.. I’m worried it’s going to trigger me and hinge my recovery but husband seems quite dismissive of this.. I don’t want to stop DH seeing him, it’s his choice, but I just need to think about how this affects me in the long run going forwards.
We are currently doing marriage counselling so I’m hoping we will be able to set some boundaries but DH has made it clear he wants the brother in his life so it’s finding a middle ground which with DH I don’t know if it’s possible..