Is it normal for a husband to prefer holidays without me

[Olivella2026]

Husband thinks it’s ok to go on holiday on his own or with his brother and sister in law or his male cousin. We are married over 25 years and I feel like he thinks his needs are more important than mine. He is self employed so taking time off is no issue for him whilst I work full time. Is this normal?

I don’t expect my DP to do every trip he does without me no, or vice versa. I often go away with my mum and he often goes away with friends. I think it’s normal and healthy

Do you ever go on holiday together?

Does he not go on any hols with you?

No, it's not normal. Do you ever go away together? Why would you not go when your sister in law is going?

Do you have small children? Does he stop you from doing things you want to do? Why can’t he have a holiday with people other than you? It isn’t for me about what is ‘normal’ but what works for you as a couple. In my marriage we sometimes holiday with other people / for example My DH is going away for 10 days with his best friend in November - I am also planning a trip with a friend for next year. We have small children, so the issue is that one going away leaves the other with a lot of work - but equally, people do need to have the freedom to do stuff without their spouse from
time to time. We do also holiday as a family, so solo trips don’t diminish our time together in that sense.

Holidays without your spouse are fine. The two main question here are 1. Are you able to go on holidays on your own? 2. Does he go on any holidays with you?

If he chooses to spend all his holiday time with others, that’s an issue. If he still goes on holidays with you, but also takes holidays without you from time to time, that’s fine.

Completely fine for him to go on holidays with his friend or relations. As long as you have a holiday together too. Though my happily married neighbours always have separate holidays - he likes hiking in Nepal, she likes a sun lounger in Spain- and they seem happy.

Maybe I just need reassurance that I should holiday on my own but my issue is that why should couples holiday separately if they enjoy each other’s company? Thank you all for your replies.

I go away without DH several times a year and his hobby takes him away overnight as well.

Well, do you enjoy his company? Do you think he enjoys yours? Maybe that’s the bigger issue here?

That’s a really odd way of thinking.

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you’re joined at the hip and no longer have a life outside of each other.

Most people have one holiday abroad a year, usually taken with their spouse. Additional holidays might be spent visiting relatives or spending quality time with each other, or with your kids if you have them. Maybe occasionally they might decide to go abroad with a close friend or family member, but most holidays I've seen are taken with one's significant other.

I find it odd that he's been on holiday where his sister in law was allowed to come....but not you???

But do you go on holidays together, as well as his trips with family/friends? Or does he only ever holiday with others? The two scenarios are quite different. I agree that a couple should want to spend time together and for most people that includes at least some joint holidays

I do go away with my dh but he has various issues and stresses on holiday (and at home tbh) which tend to restrict us. He would not cope with going away anywhere without familiar plumbing and other home comforts whereas I love unfamiliarity and new experiences. When away with him it can be stressful for me trying to pre-empt his feelings/anxieties it can be quite wearing.
(he doesn’t always acknowledge his preferences/needs and we had a tricky holiday away with friends - never again)
so I do tend to go on more adventurous trips on my own or with friends.

I sometimes holiday with my partner but holiday frequently with freinds.

I think it’s quite normal.

He has more holiday than you so totally normal. My DH goes away without me and I do without him. We also holiday together.

I think it depends how often. I only started going away on the odd weekend with my friends in the last few years after 15 years of marriage and we have an amazing time doing things dh would never ever ever ever went to do! I’ve also been down to see my sister for a night or two in my own do we could reminisce without thinking we’re boring someone who was t there for it all. It doesn’t mean I don’t adore family holidays or wish dh would agree to weekends away with me (always too busy). Sadly he goes away a lot for work and adores it. Difference is it’s a week at a time whereas I’ve never been away for more than 3 days. So I think we need more context and have to add if it makes you feel bad then it does need to be addressed anyway x

Why would you even think that’s not an ok thing to do? I make sure I go away on a girls trip atleast twice a year. I’m actually going in 2 weeks with them. My husband encourages me to go and enjoy myself and takes over looking after our young children. The day I get back he’s going on a boys trip. I would never find it weird. We do holiday a lot each year together as well and as a family.

As long as you have time to go away on your own and a holiday together it shouldn't matter really.

I go away without my husband as he has no interest in foreign holidays and I like exploring. He goes on little theatre weekends on his own. We also have a staycation somewhere in the UK together. It's all good.

I think it depends - if you have your main holidays together but he can get more time off than you due to being self-employed and you don’t have enough annual leave, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with an ‘extra’ holiday.

however if it’s instead of holidaying with me, and he never wanted to go with me I wouldn’t be impressed at all!!

also, I can understand the odd lads holiday (again as an ‘extra’) and would expect you to do the same with your friends, but him going with his brother and SIL and not including you sounds bizarre (unless it’s because you’re unable to go)?

DH and I always holiday together as we are best friends and want to be together. Unless it’s camping then he goes with the DC only. So IMO it’s not normal.

I've quite often gone away without DW back to my home country. When the kids were younger I took them with me- without her. We occasionally holiday together as well.

I would not be keen on the idea that all holiday time had to be spent together. I think it's normal to enjoy a bit of alone time.

I think the odd trio away with friends is fine but not at the expense of your time together. Sounds like you’re being neglected.

DP isn't a big fan of long haul holiday, so have gone away with my mum every few years, and I also do long weekend with my friends. But we generally go abroad once every year together as a couple and do the odd weekend away.

We both get five weeks annual leave.

my issue is that why should couples holiday separately if they enjoy each other’s company?

Because even if they enjoy each others company, they can enjoy other people’s company too. They might like different things from a holiday or simply want to spend time with friends and family. Being married doesn’t mean you can’t do nice things with other people.