Is it normal for a husband to prefer holidays without me

[Olivella2026]

Husband thinks it’s ok to go on holiday on his own or with his brother and sister in law or his male cousin. We are married over 25 years and I feel like he thinks his needs are more important than mine. He is self employed so taking time off is no issue for him whilst I work full time. Is this normal?

Interestingly on most holiday threads where someone is self employed holiday is restricted as they lose money if they are not working.

To go on a holiday with another couple and leave your partner at home does seem odd unless the partner did not want to go for some reason.

I think many people’s holiday time is restricted by amount of annual leave and finances and in those circumstances I would expect most holidays would be taken together with a possible weekend here and there with mates/other relatives, unless there were exceptional reasons like a partner not liking holidays

Because they're still independent individuals with their own interests?

This is only a problem if you never go away together and/or if you can't go away on your own if you wish to.

I don't think there is a normal when it comes to holidays.
When i was brought up one family holiday a year was the norm. When my DS was young most of the families we knew usually had two family holidays - we didn't because of financial constraints. It was only when I joined MN did I read about how so many people have multiple holidays a year - as couples, families and individuals.

It does seem a one sided relationship if your H is frequently going off on holidays without you and you aren't given the opportunity to go with him sometimes - particularly if his brother and his wife are going with him as a couple. You make it sound as though he is deliberately excluding you. Of course you should have the right to similarly holiday without him but it cetainly doesnt come over as a marriage of equals if the decisions re holidays aren't mutually agreed.

I enjoy my DH’s company that’s why we got married and now live together…didn’t mean I agreed to his company exclusively for the rest of my life in all endeavours. Sometimes I want other people’s company and vice versa.

I actually prefer solo holidays to holidays with Dh. I don’t want to be on anyone else’s schedule. I like to sit and relax and wander around markets and read my book. Dh has to be doing things all the time or he gets anxious and twitchy. He would be bored sitting with a book on the balcony all night and a cup of tea. He wants to be out every night. I don’t. I like relaxing and I don’t drink.

It’s not that I don’t like holidays with him, but I’d prefer to go away on my own. I’ve always taken at least one solo holiday every year.

I think it depends on why. When he wants to go on holiday with DB and SIL, why can’t you go as well? Two couples would be a very normal arrangement. Do you ever go on holiday without your DH? I recently went to stay with a friend on the other side of the world without DH because he doesn’t like the heat and humidity, doesn’t enjoy swimming or the beach, and said “it would be three weeks of you chatting about stuff I’m not interested in.” Which is probably true - so I went on my own. He didn’t think I was unreasonable for going, and I didn’t think he was unreasonable for not coming with me. We do, however, go on holidays and weekends away together. Is it actually that your DH thinks his needs are more important than yours, or that you resent him going away without you? If you think he’s being unreasonable, you need to speak to him about it, rather than asking a bunch of randomers on the web whether or not it’s normal - the answer will be yes for some, and no for others. And even if it’s absolutely normal, if you’re not happy about it, you need to address the situation which you can only do by speaking to him about it.

You haven’t answered whether you do go on holiday together. Do you?

It wouldn't occur to me to go on holiday without my husband, as first preference.

However, if either of us wanted to go separately, that would not be an issue, at all.

@Olivella2026 it sounds as if, from what you've written, there are no circumstances in which your husband wants to holiday with you, just you both, is that correct?

Do you feel he has emotionally withdrawn from your marriage, if so?

I go away at least twice a year without dh and he goes without me. I like going away with different people.

DP and I enjoy each others company, and holidays with each other, but we also enjoy holiday's separate from each other. DP usually goes away once a year or so with her friends, whereas I'll tend to go alone.

I'll be honest, right now I'm probably enjoying the alone one's more. Perimenopause has kicked DP's migraines into overdrive, and every holiday is a balancing with her is a balancing act of "Are we doing to much", "Is one more drink going to set her head off", "Fuck, it's too hot in here for her, it's going to set off a 3 day migraine"

Obviously, it sucks far more for her than me, but it is nice to have some time away occasionally where I can do exactly what I want, when I want, without having to worry about her.

The other nice thing about a holiday alone is that I'm genuinely missing her by the time I come back, which I always find a really nice feeling.

Do you mean he goes on these other trips but never goes on holidays with you?

Or do you mean he does some holidays with you and some without?

I don’t think that’s normal at all. I’ve only ever been away without my husband in nearly 50 years, and hated being without him. Only one of those times was a holiday, and he had to pull out of a week we had booked with our daughter due to a work emergency so my Mum csme instead. The second time was when I went to Australia for my brother’s funeral, which was right in the middle of my daughter’s A levels, so he had to stay here with her. I would be so hurt if he wanted to go away without me and I would never dream of booking a trip without him