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Original poster

Divorce leading to homelessness - advice

34 replies

Booktote · 11/09/2026 08:50

I am in a position where a divorce is highly likely and I’m going to have to leave our home. We have three children ages 13, 15 and 17. My issue is that I am unemployed since 2010 (with a few brief exceptions) as I have been a stay at home parent. As of today I have £90 on my account. Selling some things on vinted to make a little more money fast.

I’m going to be homeless the moment I leave/am made to leave. With things the way they are, what are my chances of getting any help with accommodation? What happens to people who suddenly find themselves without a home? I am terrified. I don’t have any family at all, and I don’t have any friends who could help host me, and I am totally new to these circumstances. There is no help to be expected from soon to be ex husband, who is going to stay in our rented accommodation with our children as he is the one with the income.

I am aiming to get a job asap but it’s going to take me a while to get this all sorted.

If anyone has gone through something similar I would love to hear how you navigated it all. I don’t know what my time frame is, could be nothing at all, could be until June/July.

OP posts:
VanCleefArpels · 11/09/2026 13:38

Please contact citizens advice. They will review the situation and inform you of your options. They will also help you calculate what benefits you are entitled to, which may include money towards renting a new place. Your health conditions may entitle you to more money / mean you won’t have work search commitments.

Also, copy / photo all documents you can find re his financial position: payslips, pension statements etc while you can. Set up a new email address that he does not know about and send yourself those documents so they are safe.

endofthelinefinally · 11/09/2026 13:40

In your position I would look for a full time job and stay put. Having an income will give you a chance to save some money and space to make better decisions. Thirteen is no age and all your children need you.

Flapjak · 11/09/2026 13:44

If you are in rented , claim universal credit/ housing benefit to enable you to stay in the family home if you are seperating , if he is working he has more financial resources to find somewhere else to rent , would the kids prefer to be with mum or dad or not fussed, if he works late it sounds like you are the primary carer ? Don't walk away so easily and think that the kids would prefer that

Bigboldfont · 11/09/2026 13:48

no, don't leave your children.

If you go round every day and do all the looking after, then they should stay with you. Otherwise he can claim your wages for child support even though you are doing the support.

First get benefit sorted and speak to someone like rights of women or women's aid. he sounds financially abusive to me.
you sound very beaten right now. don't leave in that frame of mind.

Sashya · 11/09/2026 14:44

Again - OP, you are not thinking straight.
It's not that he is paying for the house where you all live, while you are a freeloader. YOU birthed and raised your joint 3 children. Your contribution to the family is in no way smaller than his.....

Whatever financial control he is wielding over you that makes this divorce necessary - you need to manage this pragmatically. And it is NOT worth it for you to absorb all of the downfall and to be in severe disadvantage.
Plenty of people who can not afford separate places immediately after divorce continue living together, while separated. This gives you time to start re-building your life, looking for a job, etc.

Also - are you in your mid-late 40s, by any chance?

GrandmasCat · 11/09/2026 18:51

Booktote · 11/09/2026 12:55

Thanks so much everyone, I really appreciate all the input and all the hands on advice. To answer a few questions in random order:

  • renting privately
  • there is no money for him to pay me a lump sum. He will inherit one day but at the moment there is just enough to cover rent and the children’s activities etc
  • Why I feel the marriage should end: it’s my last resort. I come from a broken home and all I ever wanted was for my children to have both parents, together. He has been a good husband for the absolute majority of our marriage but lately I’ve come to the realisation that there is an element of coercive control on the financial side. It is a long story. I also don’t think he likes me very much anymore. He avoids me, and rarely wants to speak with me.
  • I can appreciate that it looks like I’m being a martyr but we just can’t afford two households. I understand that I could potentially be the one to stay with the children but I genuinely feel that he is entitled to live in the flat he is paying for. I’d hate pushing him out, also because it would be incredibly unpleasant to the point where I can’t see myself going through with it. It would be unspeakable and it would probably end up alienating the children from me. I just can’t take it, it would devastate them
  • I don’t want to leave my children! I just don’t have any fight in me. I want us to part ways as amicably as possible for the sake of the children.
  • he works late which is why I feel I could come and help around the house and spend time with my children, at least initially. I can see how this sounds incredibly naive but I am vaguely hopeful. Eventually he might meet someone new but I hope it’s not too soon.
  • The children are growing up so fast. They are all desperate for more independence, so as much as I don’t want to break up their home, in some ways I don’t think it will be as bad as I had feared. Lots of their friends have divorced parents so sadly it’s been normalised for them.

op… YOU are their home, the bricks and mortar is just geography. If he is cohersive controlling, why on Earth are you considering leaving the children behind?

Shinyandnew1 · 11/09/2026 19:05

If you go round and look after them after school, this will really impact what work you can do!

FusionChefGeoff · 12/09/2026 00:36

Stay put
Put in your UC claim as a single person - this is where the extra money you need will come from.

Look for a job
Speak to Women’s Aid
Apply for divorce

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/09/2026 00:56

I think you have got it the wrong way round - he earns money so he can afford another flat and you can claim UC for you and the children.
Are you the one who wants the divorce so you feel compelled to leave? What does your husband think? Good luck OP, think carefully before making such a big decision

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