Hi all,
I'm 42 and I'm not sure whether to get back in touch with an old friend.
We met at 18 on the train on our first day travelling to university. We got talking and realised we were starting the same course. For the next 3 years we were pretty much inseparable. When I think back to university, I always think of her.
We were complete opposites. She was ambitious, fun and daring, and I was much more safe and cautious. She really pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me see things differently. I honestly don't think I would have had half as much fun without her.
We came from similar backgrounds, with hometowns right next to each other. She always said our towns were boring and that she wanted to escape and build an exciting life and career in Dubai.
After university we lost touch for a bit. She got in touch to invite me to her wedding, and I invited her to mine, but by then she had moved to Dubai and couldn't come. We were back in touch when we both had our first children - she even came to see my daughter when she was back in the UK on a break. My husband and I were struggling financially at the time and living in a very run-down house. I remember feeling embarrassed to have her over, but she was lovely and we talked like old times.
We kept in touch on Facebook and by phone for a while, but then I think she deleted her Facebook account. I've always had the same number, but she kept changing hers and eventually we lost contact. I bumped into her on the train again about 12 years ago, but only had 5 minutes before it was her stop.
Over the years I've thought about her a lot and just assumed she was living the life she always wanted. I have my own life and friends now, but I've often wondered why she never reached out, as my Facebook account has always been the same.
A few weeks ago, my husband came home and told me about a new colleague who had started at his work - a single mum of 3 who had just moved back to the UK from Dubai after a messy divorce. When he said her name, I realised it was her. He's never met her before, but he showed me her picture on Teams and it's definitely the same person. She's now back in her hometown, living with her parents while she rebuilds her life.
My husband works in a different department so he doesn't see her much, and he's said he won't mention the connection until I decide what I want to do.
I'm so torn. Part of me feels incredibly sad for her and thinks she could really do with some support - from what I've heard from old mutual friends, she hasn't been in touch with many of them either.
The other part of me thinks - if she wanted to reach out, she could have by now. And I also worry a bit for myself. I have a very normal, simple, settled life now, and she has always been a bit of a whirlwind. I don't know if inviting her back in will cause upheaval.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Would you reach out?
Thanks