Husband horny whilst working, but distant at home

[CosyTiger]

Hi. I am looking for some advice please as I am so confused. My Husband and I have a good sex life, active 2-3 times min per week. He is is usually the one that starts it and I am always happy to have it. He is very loving, always kissing and cuddling and canoodling with me. This is where I become confused...he had 10 days off work/at home and he barely came near me, not for kisses, cuddles, canoodling or sex! He has been back to work for 4 days and back to his loving, sexual self. I could understand if it was the other way around due to workplace stress etc. We have a happy home environment he loves being at home.
I have racked my brains...I have thought is there something with someone else at work, but our son works with him and commutes with him so there is no way it is that. Could there be a desire for someone at work hence being horny when home?
I have thought when he was off work were the late nights downstairs and late lie ins upstairs (alone) because he was "seeing to himself" with p*orn, so not needing his needs met. If this is the case then it makes me think he uses sex/me as a second option after masturbating/porn. When at work he is up early so does not stay downstairs alone late, or have lie ins so wont have the chance of masturbating/porn.
If this was a long term thing I could consider other factors but surely things cant just change that quick over 14 days. Has anyone had similar, got any advice or thoughts? I have no one else to talk to. Thank you x

Maybe just some down time? 2-3 times a week is above average for most

Have you asked him why? Why wouldn't you speak to him about this?

I plan to, but honestly speaking didn't know if I am over analysing things

That would explain the sex side of things, but surely not the kiss/cuddle side of things x

Might not mean anything but does he have heated car seats in his car?

??????

Yes lol

Might not mean anything at the moment but I have a friend who is researching something distantly related to this. I'll speak with them and if anything of interest I'll let you know

Maybe he's tired of the one making the first move . Also seems abit odd that you didn't start sex at all after a few days , it's a 2 way thing right ?

😂 I'm confused

Shakybake i’m intrigued, please come back & let us all know 😂 😂

OP , I don’t know , sounds odd alright .
Ask him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is he particularly stressed at work?

I've found I can be the same when I have a week off after a particularly stressful period in work. It's like I just get a chance to switch off and suddenly feel incredibly tired, to the point where I really can't be arsed with sex. I get back to work and end up back in "on" mode, and suddenly I want sex again.

Sounds like he may be watching porn and masturbating on his work from home days, and holding back on intimacy during recovery time. If you're still having sex 2-3 times a week that's pretty good going, though does that pattern maintain during times when he's at home?

I agree with this, with all the stress off you just want to chill out and recuperate. And being together all the time takes the pressure off having to make the most of the limited time together when working.

I think you're probably overthinking this. He might have just been feeling a bit burnt out and needed to 'reset' a bit on his time off. Or it might be the other way around - maybe work energises him in a way that chilling at home doesn't. Or maybe it's just a case of absence makes the heart grow fonder and he thinks about you when you're apart and that leads him to fantasise in a way he might not if he's at home. There are a million possibilities that are completely innocent and I honestly don't think one week of less physical affection than usual is something you need to worry about.

Not particularly stressed as such as he is laid back, but he does have a large workload with a lot of responsibility and works a lot of hours, so what your saying makes a bit of sense. I have never looked at it from that point of view, thank you.

Has he got a really sexy job that would make him horny? Examples would include firefighter, vet, tree surgeon, cowboy.

He works from the workplace 100% of the time, 5 days. He was on 10 days Annual Leave when this happened, so for those 10 days he was distant

😀No, well I don't think so. He is an engineer

Why don’t you ask him? We know nothing about him and he’s your husband… do you even know him? You talk about him like he’s a stranger to you

Thank you. This makes a lot of sense and I hope that is the reason. I wrote the post for other perspectives as I thought I may be jumping to conclusions 🤔

Ah, he's sounding more and more like me! I'm also really laid back, I don't really outwardly show stress at all. It's a bit of a double edged sword, because while it does mean I'm calm in a crisis, it also means that people don't understand that things are getting on top of me because all they see is me coping.

And then I get that week off work and suddenly I find I can't stop myself yawning!

I would like to think I know him, we have been together over 20 year. If he was a stranger we would not have sex 2-3 times per week. However it felt for those 10 days he was a stranger/out of character yes. I will ask him when the time is right. Thought there was no harm in asking others perspectives, in case they have been on the other end and could offer some insight (which they have) instead of me assuming the most! Like I said I am going over it in my mind so needed to offload

Good point! Thanks 😊

I'm sometimes like that on a week off too. I often don't even realise I'm stressed/exhausted, then on my first day off I think 'Christ, I'm absolutely bloody shattered and my brain has died'.