I’m looking for advice I have been with my partner for 7 and and half years and in May 2026 I discovered he was gambling hundreds of pounds for months maybe longer and not financially contributing to childcare fees which I paid for. I am the breadwinner in the relationship which he has told me numerous of times I think this is how he justifies his spending.
This shocked me and as a result we broke up he moved out of the family home. I should mention we’re not married we are engaged.
A short time later we did get back together and after discussions I later discovered he was also dipping his monthly wage which in turn made him short of money at times. We then broke up again due to the lies and dishonesty.
This then impacted my relationship with his mum we now no longer speak and this is where he was living when I asked him to leave our house. We have been living together again since July and back in our relationship but I did advise him do not gamble behind my back and I said he can bet if he goes to the booking shop not online as I don’t want betting history on his bank statements as in time we’re meant to be moving house and I don’t want our bank statements being checked and he looks irresponsible. I just wanted us to be honest and transparent with each other and no more lies.
Fast forward to last night I went out and came home and he was sat on the sofa and I seen what I was dreading the paddy power app. I confronted him and he said it was a free bet and became very defensive and angry that I was questioning him. This led to an argument and he then said four times this isn’t going to work if you can’t trust me. However I said you have ignored the boundary I set and you are gambling behind my back again and triggering me.
I can’t comprehend why he thinks he’s not in the wrong. he said it’s a free bet but he has also got his app for paddy power back and has been betting for one week due to asking him to see his banking app. He did not freely divulge the truth I had to ask to see his apps. I must stress I don’t ask him to see his phone or banking apps but he again was defensive and angry when he did show me.
I don’t know what to do but I feel if I allow this behaviour again he is walking over me. I do feel like I can’t tolerate this type of dishonesty but he makes me feel like I’m in the wrong and this is all my fault and why is it a big deal. I personally never feel he takes accountability and always blames someone or something else it was only a free bet what is the big deal he said.
we have two children and the thought of breaking up again means this needs to be it final and no going back for my sanity and for the sake of the children. I do feel afraid of breaking up being left with our two children and the thought of them living in a separate house makes me so sad if he took them overnight if he moved out. Especially when if we do break up he will go to his mums and we don’t get on and the thought of my children being up there without me makes me feel so upset.
please be kind and help me figure out what to do next.