You don’t miss me, you just need me when you feel lonely

[AllBiMyself]

Can anyone relate to this?

Currently struggling with DP. We live in separate houses and if it wasn’t for me going round when my kids are with my ex, we’d only see each other once a fortnight. When I brought this up I was told it’s up to me if I want to visit or not in between. DP isn’t fussed.

Best way I can describe how it feels is in the title. Has anyone experienced this?

How long you been together?

not that it really matters, move on. He’s not worth your time

To him, you're someone to shag, not someone to spend quality time with. That's why he's not fussed, and it's why so much of your time together is in his house.

In my opinion, if he isn’t fussed neither should you be. How blimmen insulting.

This is more like a friends with benefits situation. In what way are you partners?

He is not your partner.

Don’t visit then and see what happens

Partner? Surely boyfriend, part-time.

He’s a fwb at best not a partner in any sense of the word

Thanks for the responses. For context I’m bisexual (hence the name!) and DP is a woman. We’ve been seeing each other just over four years. She was recently diagnosed with early perimenopause, so currently not even “someone to shag”, but to be honest, this kind of thing was going on at least a couple of years back, before the hot flushes, etc, started.

Well, she's made it quite clear that she's not that bothered about seeing you. I wouldn't continue a relationship under those circumstances!

If there is no sexual or romantic element in a same-sex relationship then I am not really sure what you have here.

A friend? But a good friend would probably be more bothered about seeing you.

Her reasoning is she’s under stress (perimenopause related now but was work related before) so can’t handle having to worry about the needs of our relationship on top of everything else. But has also made it clear if I broke things off she would feel abandoned and needs me to support her.

To be clear by needs of relationship I mean making time for each other, not sex - that’s almost the least of the issues!

Seems very one sided to me. And she is being very selfish. What about your needs and wants . She might feel abandoned but if she wants a relationship she must realise that you deserve to feel loved and wanted . Otherwise why would you bother .

Well if theres no sex involved then it's just a friendship surely? Even so, she should be bothered about seeing you, I'd be doing a slow fade to someone who said that hurtful comment to me.

She's just a friend, but barely, more of an acquaintance since friends actually want to spend time with each other.
If you want a relationship, date people.

Whenever my wants or needs get raised there’s always a “I can’t believe you’re bringing this up when I’m already dealing with x,y or z!!! How dare you!” But if feels like there’s always another x, y or Z and obviously perimenopause isn’t going to resolve itself anytime soon.

She sounds like my ex. Barely even acknowledged I existed when we were apart. This is the downside of the living apart together arrangement that many on here support. You both have to be invested enough to maintain a relationship. Sadly she’s not.
If you’re not getting any of your needs met, it’s likely over.

You meet up a couple of times a month so she can whine and guilt tripping and fight with you. There's no reason to keep doing this, it's not a relationship or a friendship and does not serve you.

The thing is if I did leave I can guarantee she’ll have a massive breakdown and accuse me of abandoning her 😣

You're not responsible for an adults choices, feelings or words. Its fine if she wants to accuse you of nonsense, you'll be out of it, enjoying life.
(Also, there's nothing to 'leave'? Stop the house visits and mute/archive her messages. Being happy is a choice, there's a life waiting for you.)

That’s not your problem. This isn’t working for you and she is delusional to think she can be so detached and uninvested but maintain a relationship where the other person does all the legwork. Let her have a tantrum if you dump her and don’t engage.

Just leave her as she doesn’t give a toss about you. You are clearly not a priority for her so cut ties. You’re literallly wasting your life.

You are not a free support therapist. Put more value on yourself. Anyone who causes you to doubt yourself is a negative drain you don't need.

Leaving is about choosing yourself. It sounds like you’ve set aside all of your needs to be some kind of emotional support animal for her. If you stay it’ll always be like this.