You don’t miss me, you just need me when you feel lonely

[AllBiMyself]

Can anyone relate to this?

Currently struggling with DP. We live in separate houses and if it wasn’t for me going round when my kids are with my ex, we’d only see each other once a fortnight. When I brought this up I was told it’s up to me if I want to visit or not in between. DP isn’t fussed.

Best way I can describe how it feels is in the title. Has anyone experienced this?

Save yourself. Let her have her tantrum.

So? You are giving her a lot of power and yourself a lot of power in being able to control her feelings. If she has a breakdown that’s on her not you. It’s just emotional blackmail, don’t pander to it. She’ll be fine those types always are.

ive a similar relationship with my mother, I’ve pulled back and she’s not made any effort, it was all me. I’d also be mindful of what you are modelling to the children, monkey see monkey do and all that.

Let her.

Agree with all PP but just to add being perimenopause perimenopausal is not a huge ‘thing’ it’s something every woman has to navigate alongside all the other things in life including relationships, lots perimenopausal women are mums, have busy jobs, relationships, family responsibilities, hobbies, friendships etc.
It sounds like she is incredibly self absorbed and manipulative and you are not her carer.

And?

That sounds toxic.

You don't owe her a relationship when it's not working for you.

She's using you like a convenience and this sounds one sided. That doesn't sound healthy, especially given that you're worried about her reaction if you end things.

You don't live together. She's an adult and is going to have to take care of herself or not. Don't have contact with her after you break up. Her drama does not have to be yours.

Well so what? You're a person with your own needs (which she is clearly not and doesn't seem to care about meeting), you're not an emotional support animal.

And honestly, being in early perimenopause, aren't a lot of us? All she needs is a bit of HRT and she'll be fine.

Let her. She has invested nothing into the relationship so she’s no one to blame but herself. It won’t be your problem. Xx

But what about you? I think its a bit mean of her to even say that, as you're struggling too.

I was in a similar "relationship". I would go to see him twice a week, for the grand total of 5 hours. He couldn't be bothered to make the effort to come to me. When he did on the very rare occasion when I bought it up, I could tell he didnt want to be here.
I ended it, it was like friends with benefits, but he was getting the benefit.
I felt shame, hurt, confusion, and it made me bad mentally.
I wasted just over 5 years on this.

Just remember, if she wanted to, she would.