Not sure what's going on here, will try my best to explain my feelings.
Have had a weird suspicious feeling about my boyfriend not being entirely honest with me lately. We've been seeing each other for two years come February 2027. There have been a few gaps in that time where we've fallen out. He wasn't the best communicator initially, he would withdraw into himself and become very passive if we had a disagreement initially, but that has improved a lot as we have got to know each other better. I am usually quite direct if I have a problem, I can, however, fester for a day or so but then I have to sort things out. He definitely would rather pretend the issue isn't there. And there was.... is maybe still.. an issue.
So, one of the biggest problems at first was he seemed to be hankering after his ex girlfriend. It ended in 2020, I think they were together for no more than 18 months if that. I noticed he was liking her Instagram photos and following her on FB. We fell out massively over it, mainly because he was also mentioning her a lot in conversation. If I said I had been on a walking holiday, he'd immediately say, "Oh yes, Angela and I used to walk in some lovely places". So he stopped following her on social media. It wouldn't have felt so bad if he hadn't been talking about her all the time. It's 2026, we've been together a while and I found it quite hurtful. Also the look on his face and how his voice really softened when he referred to her showed he still had feelings for her.
Fast forward to Christmas and he was doing it again. Liking and following her. I ended it in January this year and it was at least 6 weeks before I could even bring myself to talk to him about it again as I was done. I ran into him in town and realised I still had feelings for him and wanted it to work. We sat down and discussed it and he said he wanted to try again.
So here we are in September. And for most of August, my gut has been screaming at me. A week or so ago, we were at his house, having a few drinks and he picked up his phone to show me a funny video. Up popped a photo of her and from the looks of his gallery, more like 100 photos of her. I asked him why he still had all the photos after what we had agreed and he said he was sorry but he didn't know what to do every time he looked at them.
I then felt like the controlling girlfriend, as if I was being unaccepting of his past. Everyone has one. I really didn't like him saying "every time I look at them" though.
This "Angela" is very arty, paints and makes things, ornaments, jewellery. Earlier today he sent me a FB video, some crafty FB page showing how to stitch a perfect cushion cover. It was definitely meant for someone else, not me. I make cakes, I can draw, but I'm an outdoorsy woman and not someone who spends her spare time making cushion or couch covers! And guess who is....
My alarm bells are ringing now. He promised me he isn't talking to her again. But the video was not meant for me. He's just sent me a photo of myself in his kitchen from last year when I'd had quite a bit of prosecco. Interestingly this is exactly what he did last time I called him out on the Angela issue. Sent the same photo.
Not even sure if I'm asking anything here, just fed up and confused.