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Original poster

Should I give my marriage another chance for the children's sake?

42 replies

SoFeMum · 31/08/2026 20:10

Hi, I need to vent/ask for some advice/support about my marriage.

I’ve been married since 2020, two children born in 2022 and 2024. Last November I moved out of the family home with my children and have been in a rental since.

I left him for an accumulation of reasons and after some therapy I’ve realised I’ve been the ‘walk away wife’. His priorities were always work, nights out and golf before me and the children. I found out I’d lost a baby and he went to work the next day, and then went out on a planned night out, no support for me at all, being at home with a just turned 1 year old and a dead baby in my belly. That was the point when I knew he wasn’t the man for me. There are many many many other examples but that one felt unforgivable. He’s never made me feel attractive or appreciated but I’ve found flirty and inappropriate messages to other women on his phone. He has a temper, we parent different, he’s judgmental. I’ve always tried to please him with 100 different versions of myself and lived my life like I have an editing tool running in the background of my mind trying to be the best version of me so he doesn’t judge me and ridicule me. I know these things might sound petty and not a reason to blow mine and my children’s lives up but it’s slowly eaten away at me to the point that I had to leave or I’d have gone insane.

Anyway, about 3 weeks ago, he asked for a second chance and to prove he’s changed. He said some manipulative things about how bitter the divorce will be if I don’t try again and how we won’t be friends for the kids sake, and I agreed try again through floods of tears, knowing it wasn’t what I wanted. I went back for 2 nights when it was our daughter’s 4th birthday, and she was opening her birthday presents and trying to show him and he was on his phone the whole time and when I asked what he was doing….an online module for work!!!! Proof he can’t change.

I’m struggling with the guilt now, if I don’t give him a second chance, will I be doing what’s best for my kids? Do I owe them the chance to have a family life with two parents and to give it one last shot, even though the love has gone? Can the love come back?

Also, this is his 2nd marriage, he’s 18 years older than me, can I really do this to him and make him start over again at the age of 52 😔 but I’m only 34, I’m not sure I can do this for a lifetime.

Anyone had similar experience? Any ways to overcome the guilt? Or am I actually the selfish person he’s told me I am and I should be working at it.

OP posts:
Casualuser · 31/08/2026 20:13

If he wasnt guilt trippin you what do you want to do?

Iluvgenehunt · 31/08/2026 20:16

He sounds awful and under no circumstances go back to him. Your children are better off with you. Find a decent solicitor ( ideally on personal recommendation) but before you leave gather as much evidence as you can about his finances....bank accounts, shares etc.

Raptors · 31/08/2026 20:16

As a child who had parents who tried to make a go of it for years please just walk away. Is this really the model you want for your children? If they were the ones suggesting staying with such a partner you would quite rightly tell them it was a ridiculous idea and that they should put themselves first.

Travellingshoes · 31/08/2026 20:17

Based on your first post, no, I’d not start over. He’s clearly not changed, no remorse and wants ro control you. Listen to your gut instinct here.

HoppityBun · 31/08/2026 20:17

No

StressedOutPeanut · 31/08/2026 20:17

Good god woman, leave.
Your child won't thank you for growing up in an unhappy house and you can do so much better even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Belive in yourself!

nowimabeliever · 31/08/2026 20:19

He sounds horrible. Don’t stay in an awful relationship – it would have a worse effect on your children than splitting up.

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 31/08/2026 20:20

What the fuck is a walkaway wife??
He's still not the man for you and he's just trying to bully you into trying again. He's going to make your life miserable whether you're married or divorced so bite the bullet and get on with it.

Minasama · 31/08/2026 20:23

I’m so sorry OP. Normally I would advocate couples counselling when there are children involved, but it sounds as if you were just too unhappy.

Maybe it is worth a try though to put your mind at rest that you’ve both given this a good shot.

You are going through the trickiest part of marriage, if you can get out the other side of these years with young children you may have a fighting chance. If you still love him.

ReadingTime · 31/08/2026 20:23

No, he sounds horrible, and your reasons for leaving him sound completely sensible and valid. It sounds like he’s just trying to manipulate you into staying so he doesn’t have to go through the hassle of a divorce.

Katalica · 31/08/2026 20:27

He’s a nasty manipulative bully and you and the kids will be so much happier living life on your terms without him interfering 24/7.

Get yourself a good lawyer and don’t worry about his childish threats.

Stay strong and you will get through this and your kids will thank you when they a lot older and finally understand about shitty men.

Katalica · 31/08/2026 20:29

Minasama · 31/08/2026 20:23

I’m so sorry OP. Normally I would advocate couples counselling when there are children involved, but it sounds as if you were just too unhappy.

Maybe it is worth a try though to put your mind at rest that you’ve both given this a good shot.

You are going through the trickiest part of marriage, if you can get out the other side of these years with young children you may have a fighting chance. If you still love him.

Big Lols.

There’s not enough love in the whole world that can cure a shitty bullying manipulative husband!

Mauro711 · 31/08/2026 20:42

He's 52! He's not going to change. The man you knew is the man he is. For your children's sake leave.

Original poster
SoFeMum · 31/08/2026 20:43

Casualuser · 31/08/2026 20:13

If he wasnt guilt trippin you what do you want to do?

I wouldn’t want to try again, when I agreed he said ‘well don’t say it through gritted teeth’ and I explained it wasn’t on my radar and I needed time to process it. He said I was making the right decision and that if it didn’t work out then I could make a decision for myself but the right decision for the kids was to try again

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 31/08/2026 20:47

Giving it another go is the absolute WORST thing you can do for the kids.

The reason he wants you back is not because he loves and misses you specifically but because he has lost his Wife Appliance. Now he has to do all that stuff for himself, he misses his easy life that he had when you were around. You will end up resentful and even smaller and lost than you are now, can you imagine another 30 years of that?!

Does he have the kids over nights at all? If so, I rather suspect he is struggling to cope without you doing all the donkey work.

If he didnt want his marriage to fail, he shouldnt have failed at being a husband should he? No guilt for you, this is all on him. He has won first prize in the game called Consequences.

WindsorGreatPark · 31/08/2026 20:54

Get a different therapist. Anyone that said you were a 'walkaway wife' when he is/was clearly a disengaged and disinterested husband isn't worth listening to.

I could write you an essay but if it was a friend writing your OP, what would you tell her? I hope you would tell her to 'walkaway'.

TheSunIsAlwaysThere · 31/08/2026 20:56

No. Really unfair to put this on the kids. When they find out you were miserable but stayed for them, they'll be crushed.

As for making him start again at his age. Have a word with yourself.

Userengage · 31/08/2026 21:01

My parents stayed together “for the sake of the children”, what a shit show that was.

Just end it, and you’re not making him start again at 52; he is.

Hatty65 · 31/08/2026 21:05

No. Absolutely don't.

You've done the hard part, you've walked away almost a year ago. You've started over. The kids are fine.

Do not return to this manipulative prick or you'll have all this to do again, and believe me it will be worse for the children as they are older. Move back out for Christ's sake.

I did that and it was a massive mistake. Wish I'd never gone back and the children would have been better off if I had not given him a second chance.

whippersnapper55 · 31/08/2026 23:00

Absolutely not. He's a manipulative arsehole and he's using threats of being difficult to deal with to make you comply. He's nasty and he won't change. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is not walk away but run!

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/08/2026 23:11

whippersnapper55 · 31/08/2026 23:00

Absolutely not. He's a manipulative arsehole and he's using threats of being difficult to deal with to make you comply. He's nasty and he won't change. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is not walk away but run!

I agree.

"If you dont do what I say, I will make your life hell" except what he didnt add to that was "and if you do do what I say, I will also make your life hell".

FlorenceLawrence · 31/08/2026 23:15

Well he sounds horrible, so a divorce will be horrible. And staying with him will be horrible.
One of those things, though, gives you an end in sight, and hope of a new life.
It doesn't sound like he's father of the year - ignoring his DC when they were trying to show their presents.
Ask him for tangible evidence of the changes he's prepared to make to try again, see if he has a clue what the issues are.

sunshine47 · 31/08/2026 23:32

Get out now. I stayed 17 years too long for the children and the consequences have destroyed me. Leave now!

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 31/08/2026 23:51

Sounds like he's used to telling you what to do and what's 'right'
As others have said you've done the hardest part. Go straight back to your rental and start building a life away from him. He sounds absolutely awful. Good luck and be strong.

StrugglingAlong75 · 01/09/2026 00:15

He's continuing to show you what he's like. Believe him.

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