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Original poster

Husband caught with drugs again and I am planning divorce

42 replies

Vamoosh80 · 30/08/2026 01:11

Bear with me MN community as I try and articulate this.
Been married for 16 years. Two children, 12 and 9.
About 5 years ago I posted on here about finding a bag of cocaine on my driveway. It was 830 in the morning and my husband, when confronted said it was a one off, he'd been struggling etc. Said he'd felt suicidal etc. I helped him at the time.
Fast forward to now. No particular concerns since the last "one off" event. But I walked into the kitchen a week ago to find him with a rolling pin and a bag of powder, crushing it down. He immediately barged past me to get rid of it out of the the house and spend two hours lying about what it was. Initially tried to tell me it is was "German energy powder". He then said it was amphetamine he'd got from the dark web after feeling concerned about extreme fatigue and he was preparing it as a precaution rather than planning to take it. He was about to leave to pick up our kids from their grandparents.
I know the answer here but is there any chance he's not a complete addict who's had a problem since I caught him out the first time? I'm quietly planning a divorce. I am the bigger earner and the house is mine so it's not about assets, I just feel like a dick, especially when he is still saying these two times I caught him out were isolated incidents. I don't care about the marriage now - that's over - but how do I discredit his crap?

OP posts:
Snoken · 30/08/2026 08:20

Whilst you plan your exit make sure your kids are never in the car when he's driving. He was clearly about to drive high, so he's probably doing that a lot and he doesn't care that he is putting his children's lives at risk.

Don't take long leaving this marriage. It sounds like you are in a good position to just ask him to leave now, especially if it's correct that the home isn't a marital asset.

momager22 · 30/08/2026 08:27

If he’s using drugs in the middle of the day then it would be a hard no for me.

I’m probably a bit more relaxed about recreational drug use than most mn posters (the odd line or half a pill on a night out, very occasionally, although far from ideal I could probably live with)
But if I found my husband preparing drugs on an average weekday in the family home I’d be absolutely livid, that really indicates a very out-of-control problem to me. How much is he spending ffs? Do you have a good overview of his finances ?

Pretz123 · 30/08/2026 08:30

Was he about to use and then drive to collect your children?

gratefulmezze · 30/08/2026 08:33

Don't bother trying to discredit him. Drugs will do the talking and he will lie and cover up very convincingly. You will exhaust yourself trying to prove what you already know.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 30/08/2026 08:42

BTW ... the house isn't yours after a marriage of that length. He will likely get 50%.

KimWexlersPonyTail · 30/08/2026 08:54

His use of the dark Web is also a 🚩not something you just wander onto to buy some drugs

MagicThanks · 30/08/2026 08:56

Of course the only 2 times you caught him aren’t the only 2 times he’s done it. It would be the lying for me though more than anything. You don’t need to prove anything, you know, go ahead and divorce.

unsync · 30/08/2026 08:59

You don't need to discredit it. The facts are quite clear. He takes drugs. He lies about it.

Find a really good lawyer. You have a long marriage. He'll go after the house and any other assets in your name including your pension. If you have joint savings, consider moving 50% to an account in your name just before you tell him. If you have a joint current account that your salary goes into, do the same. From here on in, you need to secure your future and that of your children. Remove his access to any of your funds, change your passwords and your PINs.

As soon as you tell him, he will no longer 'be on your side'. You will be the enemy no matter what he says or does to convince you otherwise. Act accordingly. Do not try to analyse what he does or why, you'll need all your mental energy for other things.

LejlaKapovic · 30/08/2026 09:06

Vamoosh80 · 30/08/2026 01:11

Bear with me MN community as I try and articulate this.
Been married for 16 years. Two children, 12 and 9.
About 5 years ago I posted on here about finding a bag of cocaine on my driveway. It was 830 in the morning and my husband, when confronted said it was a one off, he'd been struggling etc. Said he'd felt suicidal etc. I helped him at the time.
Fast forward to now. No particular concerns since the last "one off" event. But I walked into the kitchen a week ago to find him with a rolling pin and a bag of powder, crushing it down. He immediately barged past me to get rid of it out of the the house and spend two hours lying about what it was. Initially tried to tell me it is was "German energy powder". He then said it was amphetamine he'd got from the dark web after feeling concerned about extreme fatigue and he was preparing it as a precaution rather than planning to take it. He was about to leave to pick up our kids from their grandparents.
I know the answer here but is there any chance he's not a complete addict who's had a problem since I caught him out the first time? I'm quietly planning a divorce. I am the bigger earner and the house is mine so it's not about assets, I just feel like a dick, especially when he is still saying these two times I caught him out were isolated incidents. I don't care about the marriage now - that's over - but how do I discredit his crap?

No, he's an adfict and he's not going to stop snorting. You need to loudly divorce this man now. You need to throw him out of your house today. What if your children find his drugs? It's been you the last two times but next time it might be your children who find them.

JLou08 · 30/08/2026 09:36

How much of it did he have out for 'preparing '?. Preparing with a rolling pin in the kitchen on a normal day when he's about to go and get the DC and no obvious signs of addiction would be pointing to drug dealing for me. Throw in the dark Web and it sounds even more suspicious.

Laurmolonlabe · 30/08/2026 11:50

Having Class A drugs in the house is not an isolated incident- he definitely uses , and if you are unlucky he deals as well- both very dangerous things for you and your children.
DH has a problem, if he is unable or unwilling to admit it, and take action to stop you have only one course of action- you already know that though don't you?

mindutopia · 30/08/2026 13:21

Can you just imagine the scenario when you do drugs as a ‘one off’ (how does that even happen because I’ve never done drugs and would have no idea where to buy them!), but anyway, you decide to do them as a one off, buy them, get home and then manage to misplace them before you even get in the door and then are like, rats, oh well! Only people who do a lot of drugs regularly are going to lose them and not even notice.

Runningswanker · 30/08/2026 14:48

Probably the only truthful thing he told you is that he bought it from the dark web, but people don't go there for wellness supplements.
As much as you might want to, there's no reason to 'discredit' him. Police, social services and the family courts will not be interested unless there's evidence of harm to the children, or a very clear likelihood of harm. The family courts look at the best interests of children (with really quite a no low standard of tolerable parenting) to spend time with parents, and the splitting of assets, not who has behaved unethically.

NolanChanceJustLikeTheWeatherNSoul · 30/08/2026 20:02

Had to laugh at "German energy powder"
The dark web tale might just be that and he got his bag of whizz from Big Bazza who punts a bit of every thing.

Original poster
Vamoosh80 · 20/09/2026 11:54

Thanks everyone. Sometimes you just need to hear it from objective others. Appreciate you all taking the time to read and comment. He's started counselling and is now on the GPs radar for depression and possibly ADHD. He claims it was all because he "can't deal with his reality." Counselling so far has focused on issues with his family past - bluntly we've all had family crap and I've never needed to use drugs to deal with that. I have said to him that he can't just blame others for what I can see is a series of considered choices. It would almost be better if he'd just said "yeah I'm a selfish prick". Sigh. The logistics of a divorce will be painful but I have to think about the DC.

OP posts:
serendipit · 20/09/2026 19:06

Good luck.

But I fear this is not the end of it. I’m assuming he hasn’t told the GP about the cocaine.

I would be demanding complete transparency of his finances and if he doesn’t agree I would assume he is still using.

The blaming it on his past is just an excuse. He still made a very conscious choice to buy and take cocaine. We all have family crap. He will just be justifying it in his head so he feels ok to take it again.
I would still be getting your ducks in a row just in case.

Sorry for my jaded view - I can’t believe how long I was lied to.

Lsquiggles · 20/09/2026 19:10

Unfortunately if he can lie about this then god knows what else he hasn't told you

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