Husband caught with drugs again and I am planning divorce

[Vamoosh80]

Bear with me MN community as I try and articulate this.
Been married for 16 years. Two children, 12 and 9.
About 5 years ago I posted on here about finding a bag of cocaine on my driveway. It was 830 in the morning and my husband, when confronted said it was a one off, he'd been struggling etc. Said he'd felt suicidal etc. I helped him at the time.
Fast forward to now. No particular concerns since the last "one off" event. But I walked into the kitchen a week ago to find him with a rolling pin and a bag of powder, crushing it down. He immediately barged past me to get rid of it out of the the house and spend two hours lying about what it was. Initially tried to tell me it is was "German energy powder". He then said it was amphetamine he'd got from the dark web after feeling concerned about extreme fatigue and he was preparing it as a precaution rather than planning to take it. He was about to leave to pick up our kids from their grandparents.
I know the answer here but is there any chance he's not a complete addict who's had a problem since I caught him out the first time? I'm quietly planning a divorce. I am the bigger earner and the house is mine so it's not about assets, I just feel like a dick, especially when he is still saying these two times I caught him out were isolated incidents. I don't care about the marriage now - that's over - but how do I discredit his crap?

Why do you need to discredit it? He isn’t going to be honest with you. You already know what’s going on, and are planning an exit strategy. Focus on you and your children, as this man will drag you all down. I wish you all the best 💐

Once someone is sneakily doing drugs you’ve got a problem. If he’s been doing it regularly you probably would have noticed signs - moodiness, possibly staying up late, missing money?

Well he is incredibly unlucky if he’s tried it two times only and he’s been caught by you both times. Do you really believe that? Even clueless teenagers manage not to get caught every single time they do drugs, but yet this grown man can’t manage it 🤔 He's taking you for an absolute mug.

How often did he go to his GP about his “fatigue”? Was he off work?

As someone’s that had actual extreme fatigue where I struggled to move from my bed to the sofa over a period of months and literally had to have blood and iron infusions, not once did I think “oh let’s get some drugs online to help things”

I have heard of the dark web but don’t even know how people access it. It’s worrying if he’s on that - you find all sorts of disturbing things apparently.

On the balance of probabilities, yes, he’s probably taken a lot more drugs than just the two times he’s been caught.

You could tear through his phone, bank accounts, personal possessions etc. for more proof but I don’t think you need it. Bringing amphetamines onto the house with two children is enough grounds for divorce imo.

If it needs to be said, OP, I'm probably a lot more tolerant of recreational drugs than most MN posters, but bloody hell, a couple of times as a kid is one thing, but a middle-aged man acting like that? Get your ducks in order.

They will lie massively if addicts. He’s been caught twice and clearly tried to hide the evidence, so this is not a one off, but I’m sure you know this deep down.

I was completely unaware of my ex’s habit despite all the evidence in front of me. So obvious when I look back. What health issues does he have? Is he secretive about his money?

Supposedly, it’s a very common reason why wives are divorcing their middle age husbands according to my friend who works in a solicitors.

It doesn’t help that it is so easy to buy. As easy as ordering pizza delivery.

His excuse for having these drugs are absurd - suicidal so he thought he'd buy cocaine when cocaine greatly increases the risk of suicidal thoughts? Extreme fatigue so his answer is to buy speed when speed is known to increase feelings of exhaustion and fatigue after it wears off? If they were true you should get the marriage annulled on the basis he's so thick he couldn't possibly have been able to consent.

I don't think that means he's necessarily an addict or taking drugs particularly regularly but highly unlikely it was only the two times and he will obviously do it again at some point, whatever he tells you. So if drugs are a line in the sand for you, you need to leave.