Am I unreasonable to feel pressured by my partner’s expectations around sex?

[AppleAndBannans]

I’m can’t believe I’m writing this, but here goes. I’m male 54 divorced 3 years ago , I’m seeing a woman 55, separated for 3 years after a 20+ year marriage, we have been seeing each other for almost 9 months now and everything is going fine, we date, stay over, I’ve met her kids etc all good, the only thing am I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not is the amount of sex we have, we don’t live together and don’t plan to right now
we probably stay over twice a week ( hers and mine), her expectations seem to be that we have as much sex as possible; when we go to bed and then during the night and again in the morning if possible - this is too much for me, I simply can’t “perform” and I feel like I’m being pressured ( and punished) if I can’t do it

the last few years of her marriage were sexless and I know she is hyper aware of that and somehow equates a good relationship with having almost constant sexual activity ( I don’t) -
I’m don’t really know what I’m asking here, but I feel her expectations around sex are somehow linked to her feelings of self worth, I know this sounds weird ( or not ) , but I’d like a bit less sex - to the point now where I’ve completed stopped initiation as I know I don’t need to!
so I suppose my question is around how do I explain this with out coming across as rejecting her

all advice welcome 🙏

Tell her what you’re telling us. She probably thinks she has to have that much sex to keep the relationship and that if it doesn’t happen is because there’s something wrong/unworthy about her.

I was/am like that but if I’m told directly then I’m fine because I’m not concocting all these scenarios in my head.

I agree. Tell her what you’ve told us, but increase non sexual attention, so hugs, hand holding, telling her she’s gorgeous etc.

What do you mean about being punished if you can’t manage it? That sounds pretty concerning.

Best to talk to her about it.
Your sex drives might not be compatible.
So you need to find out if she’s doing this primarily because she thinks it is what it takes to keep you interested/ in the honeymoon stage … or if this much sex is a relationship requirement, in which case she may be happier with someone else, as may you.