Is this strange or am I being paranoid?

[isthistrange]

So my husband accuses me of cheating a lot when I’m not and he has no proof. A few weeks ago I went to a party of one of my daughter’s nursery friends and was talking to another mum (who is single). She came across me on Facebook a couple of weeks later and added me. We exchanged a few messages and then I came home yesterday from picking my daughter up and my husband said this woman had added him on Facebook, fair enough didn’t think anything of it. He has then gone on to tell me this morning he sees her all the time at drop off and she has told him about an ex boyfriend of hers (who my husband knows but not a friend) and she did a Clare’s law on him and he had convictions for DA. I said how do you even got on to that conversation, seems strange for parents dropping their children off in the morning and he said ‘just general conversation’, since found out the now follow each other on instagram (I don’t follow her nor does she follow me) . I am not a paranoid person normally but does this seem strange?

I am not a jealous or paranoid person but the fact he is constantly accusing me of having an affair with no basis at all other than our sex life has dwindled which is not helped by the fact he calls me fat…

I probably sound mad.

I don't think your mad but you should be very concerned that he's accusing you of having affairs! That seems to be your biggest problem!

Think you’re focusing on the wrong thing. He’s being disrespectful and trying to hurt you by calling you names and commenting on your body. He tries to hurt you further to manipulate you into sex. and there’s no trust in your relationship.

He calls you fat?! And accuses you of cheating? He's meant to be your partner and love and cherish you. Come on op, you know you deserve better than this.

Why are you with this disrespectful arse?

My ex-partner accused me of cheating. He was cheating me at the time.
Ducks in a row time.

Ime of relationship board on MN, he’s shagging - or attempting to shag - anything and everything that moves.

projection

Completely get I have bigger issues…I know it’s no way to live.

Talking just about the interactions/conversations/instagram etc is this suspicious in peoples opinions? I feel in some ways I want him to be having an affair and I can just leave with no guilt because right now I’m struggling to leave him even though he accuses me of bollocks and calls me fat. Ffs.

Sweetheart you are allowed to leave someone who is nice, but this man obviously isn't anyway so run, dont walk. He is not interested in your well-being

I wouldn’t be focusing on whether what’s going on re this woman is concerned, but with the much larger elephant in the room - the fact that he is always accusing you of cheating and calls you fat!

I mean imo being a nasty human being who calls their partner fat is just as bad as cheating, surely?

I mean people who have contempt for you aren’t partners, they are enemies.

He's probably trying to shag her. Doubt she would have got buddy buddy with you if she was into him. You never know to be fair. It’s likely that he is cheating if he’s accusing you of cheating. That being said, abusers like to trap you on a merry go round of
“prove your innocence/loyalty/goodness/love to me” so that you are stuck looking inwards instead of realising what pond scum they are and getting out.

That comment about the domestic abuse was odd.
i wonder if you did a Claire’s law on HIM if something would come up. Maybe he thinks you’ve run one so that’s why he mentioned it. To gage your facial reaction.

Not that it’s necessarily worth bothering anyway as you already know he’s abusive. But I’d be inclined to run one anyway.

For some reason he needed you to know about that woman’s abuse. He’s setting up something. Either it was a ruse as prior mentioned. Or, he intends to start helping her out with stuff because she’s a poor lonely abused women who needs someone to fix her shed etc… Or he’s name dropping because he fancies her. But it think the abuse comment is relevant.

It’s a well known fact that quite often when people accuse their partner of having an affair (or being deliberately nasty eg. calling you fat etc) it’s because they are projecting and having an affair themselves.

With regard to both of them, it’s possible, but equally hard to know without concrete proof. Time to do some digging and monitoring of what’s going on.

You sound like you are in an abusive marriage. You don’t sound mad at all.

Talking just about the interactions/conversations/instagram etc is this suspicious in peoples opinions?
It would not normally be suspicious, but, it this case it is suspicious because he accuses you of having affairs, which shows how his mind works. He is the type to have an affair

BUT, don't tie yourself in knots looking for evidence. That is irrelevant. If you don't trust him then the relationship is doomed.
(It is also doomed because he is disrespectful and cruel).

I feel in some ways I want him to be having an affair and I can just leave with no guilt
Drop the guilt. You have every right to leave a relationship, at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all.
It takes two to make it work, and he is not doing his bit to nurture the relationship (the opposite - he is being disrespectful and cruel), so you have no reason to be guilty.

I guess people aren’t answering your question because it just doesn’t really matter. Like he’s awful anyway. You can just leave. And You’re unlikely to catch him cheating red handed anyway so you’re always gonna have a doubt.

It’s amazing that these men stick around despite being convinced their wives are cheating.

There's an easy way of losing several stones of unwanted fat and gristle...
Divorce the bastard.

Men who accuse women of cheating are doing it themselves!!

This ^^

My ex was exactly the same, incredibly jealous and it turned out they were cheating.

You are all so right…this woman is irrelevant.

he has just said to me ‘whatever that is (pointing to my stomach and c section overhang) sort it out’

I’m a size 16. Not like I need to be craned out of bed 😭 why can’t I just find the strength to leave him?

It’s not easy to leave but start preparing. Do you have savings? Do you work? Start looking for a rental house or divorce if you own the home together.

@motherhoodisntfortheweakwe have joint savings but not my own. I work part time, him full time. I owned my house outright before I met him but obviously we are married now (married 2 years)

Wow he is a disgusting waste of flesh. I can't believe you let him talk to you like that.

I'd be singing to that woman, Jolene please do take my man. She'd be doing you a favour.

Horrible and vile little man. Please leave him as soon as you are able and safely can do so.

He accuses you of cheating all the time and calls you fat
He is an abusive arsehole and you should leave him.
What is your home/work/financial situation?
Do you have access to your own money?
Would he leave without too much fuss if you said you wanted to separate?

That is abuse. Sorry.

That’s short marriage in the eyes of the law. If you divorce soon then you might get to keep what you put in without a 50/50 split if you put in more.