Is this strange or am I being paranoid?

[isthistrange]

So my husband accuses me of cheating a lot when I’m not and he has no proof. A few weeks ago I went to a party of one of my daughter’s nursery friends and was talking to another mum (who is single). She came across me on Facebook a couple of weeks later and added me. We exchanged a few messages and then I came home yesterday from picking my daughter up and my husband said this woman had added him on Facebook, fair enough didn’t think anything of it. He has then gone on to tell me this morning he sees her all the time at drop off and she has told him about an ex boyfriend of hers (who my husband knows but not a friend) and she did a Clare’s law on him and he had convictions for DA. I said how do you even got on to that conversation, seems strange for parents dropping their children off in the morning and he said ‘just general conversation’, since found out the now follow each other on instagram (I don’t follow her nor does she follow me) . I am not a paranoid person normally but does this seem strange?

I am not a jealous or paranoid person but the fact he is constantly accusing me of having an affair with no basis at all other than our sex life has dwindled which is not helped by the fact he calls me fat…

I probably sound mad.

I’d be inclined to get your own bank account asap as a matter of urgency, too many men clear out the joint bank account when they think you are leaving. First thing tomorrow get your own account and get your work paying into it. And when you are ready to leave, before you tell him, get your share of the money out of the joint account. Infact I’d do that fast too incase he is intending to jump ship to some other women.

It might be that the divorce means redistribution of the cash anyway but, don’t leave yourself at risk of being put in a vulnerable high and dry position in the mean time.

And don’t think he won’t do it. It happens all the time, even when the women have kids with them.

Also,
“You asked me to get rid of the useless overhang. So you’re dumped”
xD

It sounds like they could both be hiding in plain site. Sounds like this is your watershed moment, where this woman plus his verbal abuse and accusing you of a crime you never committed has at least planted the seed in your mind to oust him and his toxicity from your life.

Changes are scary, but just tell yourself you'll take steps in that direction for now. Don't have sex with him. He doesn't need to know your plan. Just say you're not comfortable after his abusive remarks to you. If he's a user on your bank account, remove him. If you're on his, make a solo account he doesn't know about.

Then see a lawyer to find out everything you need to know. I would think if you owned your house before the marriage took place, that he's not entitled to any of it. You can get answers to that. Also ask the laws about how long he legally has to vacate your quarters when asked to. Think about getting a job full time if possible. If you don't already have a lucrative career and need more education or training to get a better job, use this time to take night classes or whenever he's home with your child so that you can have that under your belt to get a better job.

At least by taking some steps now, you'll gain courage and conviction being proactive. If you stay, your child will be learning that it's okay for a partner to talk to her this way. If you'd advise a grown child to leave a partner like this, love yourself enough to do that yourself. Take care.