How long would you keep dating someone who you feel is not quite right for you?

[Savvysue3]

Trying to find the right way to explain how I am feeling here.
i guess my question is how long would you ‘date’ someone when you have a feeling they are not really the one for you but also are nice and kind etc
im dating a guy for around 8 months, for many reasons I feel we are not compatible in the long run and I also feel by this stage my feelings should have grown more towards loving them and they haven’t.
but he’s nice company, the sex is good etc
do I just call it a day now as I’m sure this won’t be a long term thing? We haven’t talked massively about our feelings and the future but I’m impression is that he thinks this is ‘it’ for him.

A few dates.

its fine if youre still working out what’s important to you, but its pretty cruel to the other party to be stringing them along when you know they’re not for you. You’re wasting his time.

End it !
Someone did this to my son !
Happy with everything because he was so generous and gentlemen!
But wasn't feeling it !
Luckily he was getting a gut feeling about her so he asked her and she admitted she wasn't quiet feeling it so it ended that day !
It isn't nice to keep taking advantage of someone when you know you haven't got those feelings relationships need love trust and communication x

How many dates have you had over the 8 months and what's the longest you've spent in each other's company? How old are you both?

If you are exclusive and he considers you his girlfriend (met his friends and family etc) and might be considering yiu as a long term partner... then you should let him go sooner rather than later rather then stringing him along.

Decent people don’t continue relationships using people as placeholders whilst they avoid thinking and whilst they avoid action.

yep. When men do this - using women as a placeholder but really waiting to meet the one - we rightfully rip them to shreds. How is it fair?

Yesterday.

Oh dear, I was in a similar situation years ago and wish I’d got out sooner. But it was the right thing to do & the relief I felt confirmed that. I had many single years afterwards but did eventually meet the person I feel I was meant to be with. I wish hindsight wasn’t an after-the-event thing! Good luck, you both deserve to be happy x

I didn’t tolerate dating for even the tiniest this isn’t quite right feeling. Why waste time? It’s also actually really a shitty thing to do.

I had known him as a mate but DH and I were engaged at just under 6 months of dating. I’m watching him right now almost 30 years later fiddling about with the WiFi router on our van.

8 months? Poor sod. End it today.

Don't string him along, it is unpleasant. I would just say, as someone much older, please don't underestimate nice and kind, especially if you are physically compatible.

I have tried to have this convo around a month ago but he said he said he was happy just keeping things light and not so serious but I feel like he wants more. I’d probably be happy with a kind of casual relationship with him but that doesn’t seem like what he wants this to be (despite agreeing to this initially). But yes something feels a bit missing for me just. Will have the conversation again

No conversation or agreement really needed. Just end it

I don't think there is a right or wrong here. It partly depends on how keen you are to find a serious, "forever" type relationship. Do you see this as crucial for your long term happiness, or something you could take or leave?

Also, do you think your boyfriend feels similarly to you? If he loves you and you can't return that, that could be a reason to break it off I guess.

No easy answers.

Three dates. I was always looking for a serious, long term relationship and wouldn’t keep going out with somebody that I knew wasn’t right for me.

Classic FWB situation. Not romantically inclined, it's not long term, let's be friends and enjoy the shagging. Win Win.

That’s how I went into this. I wasn’t looking anything long term, didn’t explicitly say FWB but was looking fun dates

Is he choosing not to listen? If he isn't then maybe he's hoping you catch feelings. If that's the case perhaps it's time to move on.

Jesus poor guy. Dragging it on for 8 months when you're not feeling it. Pretty shitty of you tbh.

You cant force yourself to fall in love with someone

If you aren’t feeling it, you should end it. It’s unfair on him.

I guess I do think though of my friend who was always like this. She left someone who adored her, but never found the one in time to have children, which broke her heart.

Eventually she got her guy with the spark and the chemistry (handsome guy, anyone would have had chemistry with him.) And they did - he cheated on her.

Be wary of chasing spark and ending up with nothing.

Just think a bit about how old you are and whether it’s a dream you’re chasing.

You don’t really need to have the conversation again. The conversation is just to clear your conscience when you bin him for Mr Spark.

Fair play though, plenty of men do the same thing. I think they are time wasters.

I’m not really looking Mr Spark though. I’m looking fun dating without the commitment. Which is how this started but I’ve realised that we aren’t real compatible despite him being a nice guy

8 months!!

Jesus. If I didn’t get the felling after three dates I’d sack it off.

Without the conversation about where you both see the relationship going or what you're both looking for - i.e a full realtionahip that develops into living together and/or marriage, or just dating into it stops being fun it's impossible to tell.

Eight months???!!!!!

I wouldn’t have gone beyond eight hours!

Don’t settle for anything other than great love. There are many things in life that are mediocre, a relationship shouldn’t be one of them.