Am I out of order?

[Rainbowstrawberry]

I’ve just about reached the end of my tether!
I’ve had a rough time in my relationship recently, we are a blended family and see our children separately for certain reasons.
This of course has an impact on us as we rarely have much time together as a result, so when it’s his contact days, he goes really moody and we generally argue because he will return and make out he’s had women falling at his feet because he looks single!

My children had started to feel unhappy, and to be honest, so had I, it didn’t feel like a family unit. When I raised it, he wanted to bring the children back together again, but I said no, and he went mad. He said that he was going to speak to my children which I said no to, but he said hed do what he wanted. My children had stayed with my parents overnight and he knew I was due to collect them at 10:00. He pretended to pick his own children up and went to my parents to speak to my children, reducing one to tears. I was really angry he’d crossed a boundary and I’ve asked him to leave.
Am I out of order?

You're not. That's awful behavior. Don't subject yourself or your children to it.

wow. so ignored your boundaries completely. get rid.

He’s crossed boundaries with them in a really frightening way. No man would demand access to my children without my consent. I hope this means he’s getting chucked in the bin permanently.

He upsets your kids and did so deliberately behind your back. Time to be done.

Why did your parents allow him access?

How dare he!? What did he say to your children?

I wouldn’t let him anywhere near me or my DC ever again.

How old are your children?

They’re 9 & 12.
My mum said she thought I’d be following shortly behind, it wasn’t until he had sat down,
she noticed he didn’t look right.
apparently he told the boys he loved them and was sorry for everything then started to cry!
At this point, my Mum ushered him outside and asked what the chuff was going on, and he basically said he’s desperate to keep us together etc.

I just find it terrible he’s gone behind my
back! And then he’s since text my 12 year old telling him he loves him!

Big red flag! Why is he texting your children he loves them. Block on all devices and IRL too!

I asked what the message said and he was basically pleading with my son to get me to let
him back in!

Block him on kids phones and all SM.

Message him saying it’s over and he can collect his stuff or you will drop it off, whatever suits you best. If it were me I’d drop it off as I would be changing the locks and not having him back in my home.

Everything else asside, why would you want to be with some bellend who makes out he’s gods gift to women in order to make you feel like shit/insecure? That’s some whack mind game shit.

And if some asshole made my kids cry he’d be lucky if just dumped him instead of dumping him under my patio.

The point of a relationship is that it makes life better. Otherwise it has no point.

This one makes your life worse! And it’s got between you and your kids.

He needs to be kicked to the kerb. Awful behaviour.

And tell your kids about manipulation. Talk to them about it. Be clear with them he is a manipulative jerk and that why you are done. And that people who love us don’t use that love to weaponise us against other people. Be clear with them he’s not a good guy and that’s why it’s over and they should block him before he head fucks term more.

Ok people have jumped to attack as usual

but there wasn’t enough detail

so you’re not a blended family, you do not see each others children is this right?
do you live together, where do all the kids live?

has he done something whuch means he can’t be in contact with your kids?

He sounds like quite an unstable and dangerous man tbh

Are you living with him or is he living with you?

Why did you keep the children apart in the first place? I think the reason you aren’t blending families and are seeing your children separately is hugely important in determining who is being unreasonable here.

Although no matter what the reason, if you’ve said you don’t want him to see your children and he forces himself into your parents house under false pretences and upsets them then that’s batshit no matter what

Are you for real? xD

she told him to stay away from them and he lied and went to find them anyway, upset the f outs them and now is trying to groom the children into being his flying monkeys to get her to take him back. Of course he shouldn’t be in contact with her kids. Duh. What more do you want?

You absolutely aren't out of order. Change the locks (even if just metaphorically).
Prioritising your children's happiness over an unrelated man is always the right decision.

Your poor kid. Make sure your ex is blocked on everything. What a scumbag doing that to a child.

we used to do things together. however there was a significant safeguarding concern in relation to his child, so in order to protect mine, we agreed to keep them separate.

mine live with me, he did live with me until I asked him to leave. His child lives with his mum.

Omg. What a psycho. Thrown him out. Wtf

The fact that his child doesn’t live with him is an enormous red flag.

Is it? In my experience most of the time a couple break up, the child lives with the mum and the dad sees them for regular contact

Does he have keys to your home? He seems very unstable.

But surely he would have his own place and the child would at least stay over? Not live with a grandmother ?

Absolutely not!