Lardy husband giving me the ick

[Thedogatemine]

I saw my husband with his shirt off, wearing trousers in the kitchen while steaming his shirt for work and he looked so terrible that it gave me the ick. And later he drove me to a medical appointment where he'd planned to stick around but I couldn't bear to have him near me. Partly I was stressed about the medical appointment but I couldn't get the vision of him large and lardy out of my head.

Blimey, and of course, you’re a supermodel! Has he put on weight since you got together? Has he mentioned wanting to become fitter?

Is it the first time you've seen his body?

I can fully understand not fancying someone who has got much fatter, as this is largely beyond our control. But your reaction is extreme - not wanting him near you?

If my husband put on lots of weight and did nothing about it, I might not fancy him anymore (I don't know). But I would still love him and want him to be around all the time. It's his personality I love, not the shell.

Are you peri/menopausal?

You sound horrible, I hope it is stres talking. My husband put on a lot of weight (health issues mainly) but I still loved him, and wanted to be with him.

have you considered he might be comfort eating to deal with being married to someone like you?

Have you never seen him with his shirt off then?

I'll be honest, the OP has given me the ick. Just leave the poor bloke so he can find someone less awful.

You’re being shamed for your recoil from his lardiness. Personally, I understand what you’re saying.. you saw him in an unusual situation, in a new light, and it was a turn off. It definitely happens, even if the shamers want to pretend anyone it happens to must be evil.

Id probably say .. I need to lose some weight! Shall we eat to drop a few pounds from now till Christmas!

try to make it impersonal, about health.

What an awful thing to say about someone, large and lardy your no queen ya self.

Many years ago an ex said sort of the same thing to me, because i put on a few pounds, said it to his mates as well your saying it online to the world, i was called lazy lard arse and many more.
I didnt let myself go i just got older,i got rid of them pounds and rid of the dickhead.
I then gained the weight back oh well i`d rather be fat and happy than live with someone that sees me as pig.

What if he said it about you op, again what an awful way to see the one you love.

What an awful thing to say about someone, large and lardy your no queen ya self.
Do you know the op @CalmFairy ?

No i dont but i do know that some words can hurt, and they hurt more when they come from someone we love and think they love us back.

Thats what you came to add lol.
Have you read the above comments, op is rude MN would go wild with LTB if it was said about her.

Sorry but i agree with the above pp comments.

Have you only just noticed he’s fat?

What a lovely way with words you have

You can be concerned if he has put on weight from bad diet or other bad habits. Not the way you seem to think.

I feel like those having a go at the OP are being a bit unfair. She is being honest about her immediate feelings about her partner. An ick is something you have that is involuntary isn't it? There's nothing in what the OP said to indicate she said this to him.

Surely the real question is: if you do feel like this about your partner, is there anything you can do about it?

there’s a difference between saying you realised you weren’t attracted to your husband due to weight gain, and the way the OP has phrased it. “Large and lardy”? If a woman found a message on Reddit where her husband described her that way we’d all be up in arms.

That's a horrible thing to write, or even think about someone you're supposed to love.

That's why you're getting negative replies?

It's not that you thought 'I hadn't realised he'd put on so much weight', it was the insulting 'large and lardy' and the negative way you spoke about him that's getting the ire on MN?

If that's honestly the way you think about your H, and if you honestly 'don't even want him near you', then you have much bigger issues than your H's weight?

Everybody changes with age, we get heavier (generally), we get wrinklier, our teeth move (or we lose some), sometimes we lose our mobility, or we get medical conditions etc.

Change is normal. The eternal youth crap isn't, yet we're bombarded with images of slim, healthy, youthful looking people constantly, but living up to that 'hype' isn't healthy, sustainable or cheap...

You're supposed to love your partner firstly for WHO they are, rather than what they look like (but obvs you need to be attracted to them in the first place), and to be able to accept the changes to their physical appearance as they age and change?

But it sounds like you just went 'Holy fuck, he's a lardass! He's repulsive!'

It makes you sound shallow and superficial, rather than a wife who loves him as a whole person?

Leave him. I would, the moment he became unattractive to me.

He sounds like he cares about presentation and appearance. He was ironing his shirt! My husband has never done that, ever.

Ok, but is there any advice we can give to the OP other than that she's a bad person for feeling this way?

If you see your partner and find them physically unattractive, are there ways to get over that?

To be honest I don't have any advice myself.

Well plenty of posters have pointed out the obvious already?

1. it's fine not to fancy larger people - everyone experiences physical attraction differently and you can't help that
2. it's not fine to be insulting
3. it's unusual for the (understandable) loss of physical attraction to also mean you don't want them anywhere near you ever, such as at hospital appointments, because most people also love their spouse's personality. This suggests bigger problems with OP's relationship

I'm sure posters could offer advice, if OP actually came back to the thread and gave some more details about the general state of the relationship.

Do you have sex at night in the dark and under the covers?

its quite clear no one thinks she’s a bad person for feeling this way, she’s a shitty wife for talking about her husband that way.
in terms of advice, I would suggest she get some therapy and some people in her life that would call her out for such poor behaviour.