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Relationships

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Partner took viagra a week after misscarriage

39 replies

orangedog22 · 26/08/2026 12:02

Hi Im just after other people’s thoughts on this situation as my partner if you could call him that anyways as I left Sunday night . The night we came back from a weekend away . I had a misscarriage the week before . I felt ready to have sex again a few times as the bleeding completely stopped . We went for a weekend away . His idea . Said it was for me to relax as obviously i have been feeling sad . I wasn’t up for having sex the first or second day we were there . Just still felt sad and anxious and just feeling disgusting with my self to be honest . He kept on about it quite a lot which bothered me a bit as I didn’t have the head to deal with it . Saturday night i said I would so we done it it went in for abes he couldnt finish . Sunday done it again . Couldnt finish . He was hard most of the day was saying stuff like it’s because of how much I fancy you and it’s like it just by looking at you . Tried again couldnt finish . By this time i was starting to feel pain so I was done with it all . Went to kau down and watch a film he was in the mood again . I said I was in pain but he said he would do it slow . Again didnt finish . He then told me to go get the sex toy . In other words so he could wank . I said I wasn’t in the mood he just replied fuck off then . I felt so sad when he said that but didn’t say anything . On the way home that night I had a feeling he had took Viagra and I couldn’t get it out of my head . We have had so many issues regarding this , porn that it’s all affected me so much . So many broken promises . Last time we went away I found it in his bag . A few of them most half eaten . I told him how they make me feel . For nearly a year and half he had trouble finshing and getting it hard because of all the prob he watched and it’s messed with my head so much so this is all related by the way this stuff makes me feel . I bawled my eyes out last time about it he promised me he wouldn’t take them again .

I found it so hard to get it out of my mount the whole way home . Nearly two hours . Ten minutes before getting home I asked him he said no why . So I replied I know you have so instead of lying to me I want you to admit it . And he did . He said he did because he didn’t want to let me down ! He never takes any responsibility for anything porn , drugs nothing always someone’s fault or mine. Now this . And it’s took so long to try and trust him a tiny bit because of the constant drugs porn slutty reels on Facebook . So just when I was starting to trust him again this happens . I dont believe for one second it was because he didn’t want to let me down . He has issues finshing because of his back sometimes . Viagra doesnt make you finsh it just gets you hard ! All I have had is abuse off him from then. Havnt seen him since Sunday night . Instead I get screaming down the phone and him disappearing drinking ! And a text today saying all my thoughts are wrong as usual . Im just wondering because I am going to show him the replies . Is it me ? Am I really this horrible person ? I didn’t even want sex that weekend . All I wanted was peace . Thats all I wanted . Or if this is a me problem then il take it all in and try and make myself a better person and apologise. I can’t get it out of my head if sleazy and sly everything was too . Like where did he hide it , did he sneak out to take it when I was in the shower . It just all turns me sick . Thsnkyou

OP posts:
MrsSlocombesCat · 26/08/2026 12:10

It's not you. He's a selfish uncaring bastard. A week after a miscarriage you are physically healing and grieving. He has no love for you to treat you like this. He shouldn't have been pressuring you for sex.I can hardly believe what I am reading. Run for the hills.

aliasfrog · 26/08/2026 12:12

Sorry but this is abuse and sexual assault. He should be looking after you at a time when you are vulnerable. You're worth more than this, op.

RoseField1 · 26/08/2026 12:17

Please don't show him this thread. Please just make plans to leave and don't have a baby with him.

moderate · 26/08/2026 12:19

Please, please get out of this relationship. DO NOT have a child with this man.

Mycatisreal · 26/08/2026 12:26

😱

CheerfulBunny · 26/08/2026 12:38

Honestly, you can do better than him ❤ Please value yourself. This was a lucky escape.

Lmnop22 · 26/08/2026 13:37

He does drugs, watches porn, tells you to fuck off when you don’t want sex/to use a sex toy for the fourth time in a weekend when you just suffered a miscarriage, pressures you into sex, struggles to satisfy you in bed because he refuses to give up porn/drugs, screams at you down the phone AND gaslights you into thinking all the above is your fault.

You must leave this man and do NOT have a baby with him under any circumstances, he sounds vile and sexually coercive

outerspacepotato · 26/08/2026 13:44

I said I was in pain but he said he would do it slow .

This man doesn't care about you at all. You're a fleshlight for him.

Dump.

Greenclass · 26/08/2026 13:46

I dunno why you’re arsed about viagra when it sounds like the least of the issues tbh. You had a miscarriage and instead of offering you comfort, he nagged you for a shag, and when you didn’t want to have sex with him anymore he told you to fuck off? Like all youre good for is sex and he gets to nag and be aggressive if you’re not providing that? He didn’t care that he hurt you. He didn’t care that you were recovering. Then there’s alllllllll the other stuff you listed.
im very sorry to hear about your miscarriage op its devastating, but i wouldn’t risk getting pregnant again by this man. you don’t want to be at your most vulnerable with this absolute cretin nagging you for sex.

Stormyrose · 26/08/2026 13:49

The viagra is fine, I can’t see an issue with this to be honest, but if he’s a porn addicted druggie then that’s a bigger issue

Cardhey · 26/08/2026 13:54

Don’t go back to him.

TooWoop · 26/08/2026 13:56

I'm so sorry you are going through this and at a time when you will be feeling particularly vulnerable. I know how damaging to your self esteem it is when you have a partner that regularly indulges in porn to the detriment of your own sex life. Like my ex, this man has too many flaws and isn't going to change. The only control you have in this situation is to decide to leave or stay. It isn't easy at all, but for yourself, you need to leave him. Adding a child into this situation is only going to lead to more heartbreak / dissapointment for you and it doesn't sound like this man should be a father.

Smittenkitchen · 26/08/2026 14:00

Stop tying yourself in knots trying to understand his illogical and abusive behaviour and get the hell away from him.

Pistachiocake · 26/08/2026 14:47

First-get away from this man. Please don't let him be a dad (even if he is deeply traumatised by losing a baby, which I'd sympathise with as dads are often overlooked at miscarriage, he needs to get counselling not behave like this).

Second, please don't rush back to sex. Gynae told me while the official advice doesn't say this, he'd advise women to wait at least 6 weeks, and if there's pain, see a doctor due to the risk of infection.

Maray1967 · 26/08/2026 14:51

I’ve had three mcs, OP. If my DH had behaved like this vile bastard you are with I would have divorced him. There aren’t the words to fully express what I think of him.

Get away from him. If you have a successful pregnancy with him he will be trying to stick it in you when you’re a week post partum.

DahliaSmith · 26/08/2026 14:52

Viagara is not the issue here. He doesn't care about you, he won't care about a baby. Get away from him as quickly and safely as possible and make it permanent.

I didn’t even want sex that weekend . All I wanted was peace . Thats all I wanted

This is heartbreaking, you have shelved your own very valid feelings for his sake. What you wanted was perfectly reasonable and any sane person would have helped you with what you needed. You won't have any peace with him, end it for good. Can you get some support from someone in real life? This sounds like a lot for you to carry.

Midnightmoonface · 26/08/2026 14:55

I said I wasn’t in the mood he just replied fuck off then .

Your post could stop there to be honest.

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 26/08/2026 14:56

Why are you in a relationship with someone who treats you like this?

omghereistrouble · 26/08/2026 15:00

i assume he was the father of the baby you sadly lost. he obviously did not give a toss over your miscarriage. what he did to you was assault believe me i have had it and are just working through a court case over it. No means no i realise that now and you need to this man is a waster porn is more important to him and has caused these problems ignore him

Stormyrose · 26/08/2026 16:11

omghereistrouble · 26/08/2026 15:00

i assume he was the father of the baby you sadly lost. he obviously did not give a toss over your miscarriage. what he did to you was assault believe me i have had it and are just working through a court case over it. No means no i realise that now and you need to this man is a waster porn is more important to him and has caused these problems ignore him

I can’t see how this is assault, she has consented, yes he took too long, but she has not said she didn’t consent to sex.

ginasevern · 26/08/2026 16:50

Why on in god's name are you still even talking to him? He ticks every single box on the "fucking vile man" check list. Of course you can't trust him or spend another day of your precious life with him.

RoseField1 · 26/08/2026 17:06

Stormyrose · 26/08/2026 16:11

I can’t see how this is assault, she has consented, yes he took too long, but she has not said she didn’t consent to sex.

Coercion is a form of assault

Stormyrose · 26/08/2026 17:08

RoseField1 · 26/08/2026 17:06

Coercion is a form of assault

No it’s seen as abuse.

summitfever · 26/08/2026 17:24

I’m very sorry about your miscarriage that sounds awful.

sometimes when we are in it we can’t see this type of thing for what it is and it kind of doesn’t seem that bad. OP it is bad. Like really bad. This is a variety of different kinds of abuse and it’s not normal to be treated like this. At all. If you go back to this man you are setting yourself and your future children up for a life of absolute misery. It’s tough to do but you need to stay away from this vile man

KarenNextDoor · 26/08/2026 23:39

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage op.

honestly, my advice os your H is a nob. Get rid. Dont try again for a baby. Ducks in order and get him out of your life