Hi Im just after other people’s thoughts on this situation as my partner if you could call him that anyways as I left Sunday night . The night we came back from a weekend away . I had a misscarriage the week before . I felt ready to have sex again a few times as the bleeding completely stopped . We went for a weekend away . His idea . Said it was for me to relax as obviously i have been feeling sad . I wasn’t up for having sex the first or second day we were there . Just still felt sad and anxious and just feeling disgusting with my self to be honest . He kept on about it quite a lot which bothered me a bit as I didn’t have the head to deal with it . Saturday night i said I would so we done it it went in for abes he couldnt finish . Sunday done it again . Couldnt finish . He was hard most of the day was saying stuff like it’s because of how much I fancy you and it’s like it just by looking at you . Tried again couldnt finish . By this time i was starting to feel pain so I was done with it all . Went to kau down and watch a film he was in the mood again . I said I was in pain but he said he would do it slow . Again didnt finish . He then told me to go get the sex toy . In other words so he could wank . I said I wasn’t in the mood he just replied fuck off then . I felt so sad when he said that but didn’t say anything . On the way home that night I had a feeling he had took Viagra and I couldn’t get it out of my head . We have had so many issues regarding this , porn that it’s all affected me so much . So many broken promises . Last time we went away I found it in his bag . A few of them most half eaten . I told him how they make me feel . For nearly a year and half he had trouble finshing and getting it hard because of all the prob he watched and it’s messed with my head so much so this is all related by the way this stuff makes me feel . I bawled my eyes out last time about it he promised me he wouldn’t take them again .
I found it so hard to get it out of my mount the whole way home . Nearly two hours . Ten minutes before getting home I asked him he said no why . So I replied I know you have so instead of lying to me I want you to admit it . And he did . He said he did because he didn’t want to let me down ! He never takes any responsibility for anything porn , drugs nothing always someone’s fault or mine. Now this . And it’s took so long to try and trust him a tiny bit because of the constant drugs porn slutty reels on Facebook . So just when I was starting to trust him again this happens . I dont believe for one second it was because he didn’t want to let me down . He has issues finshing because of his back sometimes . Viagra doesnt make you finsh it just gets you hard ! All I have had is abuse off him from then. Havnt seen him since Sunday night . Instead I get screaming down the phone and him disappearing drinking ! And a text today saying all my thoughts are wrong as usual . Im just wondering because I am going to show him the replies . Is it me ? Am I really this horrible person ? I didn’t even want sex that weekend . All I wanted was peace . Thats all I wanted . Or if this is a me problem then il take it all in and try and make myself a better person and apologise. I can’t get it out of my head if sleazy and sly everything was too . Like where did he hide it , did he sneak out to take it when I was in the shower . It just all turns me sick . Thsnkyou