Partner took viagra a week after misscarriage

[orangedog22]

Hi Im just after other people’s thoughts on this situation as my partner if you could call him that anyways as I left Sunday night . The night we came back from a weekend away . I had a misscarriage the week before . I felt ready to have sex again a few times as the bleeding completely stopped . We went for a weekend away . His idea . Said it was for me to relax as obviously i have been feeling sad . I wasn’t up for having sex the first or second day we were there . Just still felt sad and anxious and just feeling disgusting with my self to be honest . He kept on about it quite a lot which bothered me a bit as I didn’t have the head to deal with it . Saturday night i said I would so we done it it went in for abes he couldnt finish . Sunday done it again . Couldnt finish . He was hard most of the day was saying stuff like it’s because of how much I fancy you and it’s like it just by looking at you . Tried again couldnt finish . By this time i was starting to feel pain so I was done with it all . Went to kau down and watch a film he was in the mood again . I said I was in pain but he said he would do it slow . Again didnt finish . He then told me to go get the sex toy . In other words so he could wank . I said I wasn’t in the mood he just replied fuck off then . I felt so sad when he said that but didn’t say anything . On the way home that night I had a feeling he had took Viagra and I couldn’t get it out of my head . We have had so many issues regarding this , porn that it’s all affected me so much . So many broken promises . Last time we went away I found it in his bag . A few of them most half eaten . I told him how they make me feel . For nearly a year and half he had trouble finshing and getting it hard because of all the prob he watched and it’s messed with my head so much so this is all related by the way this stuff makes me feel . I bawled my eyes out last time about it he promised me he wouldn’t take them again .

I found it so hard to get it out of my mount the whole way home . Nearly two hours . Ten minutes before getting home I asked him he said no why . So I replied I know you have so instead of lying to me I want you to admit it . And he did . He said he did because he didn’t want to let me down ! He never takes any responsibility for anything porn , drugs nothing always someone’s fault or mine. Now this . And it’s took so long to try and trust him a tiny bit because of the constant drugs porn slutty reels on Facebook . So just when I was starting to trust him again this happens . I dont believe for one second it was because he didn’t want to let me down . He has issues finshing because of his back sometimes . Viagra doesnt make you finsh it just gets you hard ! All I have had is abuse off him from then. Havnt seen him since Sunday night . Instead I get screaming down the phone and him disappearing drinking ! And a text today saying all my thoughts are wrong as usual . Im just wondering because I am going to show him the replies . Is it me ? Am I really this horrible person ? I didn’t even want sex that weekend . All I wanted was peace . Thats all I wanted . Or if this is a me problem then il take it all in and try and make myself a better person and apologise. I can’t get it out of my head if sleazy and sly everything was too . Like where did he hide it , did he sneak out to take it when I was in the shower . It just all turns me sick . Thsnkyou

Reading this made me cry. Its that bad OP.

Please leave him.

This is so sad. I am so sorry about your miscarriage.

Please don’t show him this thread OP. It won’t convince him that he’s a nasty prick, he will just use it to say that we’re all man hating witches and probably jealous we’re not getting laid or some other misogynistic bullshit. He’s not a nice man.

I know you’re heartbroken and I’m sorry about your miscarriage, but I promise you one day you will realise you dodged a massive bullet here. Being tied to someone this vile for life with a shared child is not what anyone needs.

Please take every post on here seriously, we’ve seen this shitty behaviour ourselves and on here over the years and we all know where it leads. Spoiler alert, it is never a happy and loving family. You need to heal physically and emotionally from what you’ve been through so you don’t need to rush especially, but please get your contraception sorted - absolutely air tight, as in hormonal + abstinence (or at the very least hormonal + condoms) and then start to plan how you can safely leave.

MN will be here for you every step of the way until you can see straight.

She said she didn't feel like it, that's a no. He kept badgering her because he'd paid for a hotel a weekend away "to relax her" and basically felt he'd paid for her to be in the mood for sex, so pestered her into it. After the first times where she'd given in, she said no she was in pain. He pestered her some more until she gave in. None of that is consent. It's coercion. lack of consent = rape. She only did it to shut him up, so no, she didn't consent. She was coerced into it.

He's now punishing her with verbal abuse because he failed to coerce her into it the (4th?) time. He's an abusive prick.

OP, please leave this abusive relationship you are in. You are not the problem, he is. There's nothing you can do or say that will make him change. He's like this because he just doesn't care about you, not because he doesn't understand xyz. He pretends to care about you a tiny bit, sometimes, to get sex. He's using you.

My God in heaven sweetheart, wtaf have I just read…he’s a sick sick bastard ….im so sorry you lost your baby i really am nd i wish you brighter days ahead without this disgusting excuse for a human x

Did you say you’d already finished with him? If so, don’t go back. If not, finish with him.

He is beyond selfish and, sadly, your expectations and sense of self worth are on the floor.

All your comments made me cry . Im in work at the moment so il try my best to get back to you all . Thsnkyou so much for being kind to me . I have turned in to a horrible person . I know I have . But only when he messes up . Hes done some awful things . Really broken every promise he has ever made . Porn is a massive one for me . I hate the stuff . To me it’s a form of cheating . That’s exactly what it feels like for me . I told him this from day 1. This went on for nearly two years that I know of . He even had to secretly put it on his phone when we were having sex just to be able to finish . When I found out because I seen a light honestly iv never felt so disgusting and unworthy in my life . Loads of stuff like this . Then drugs . I hate drugs and won’t tolerate a future with someone who does it .
this is still on going although he says he hasn’t touched any for two months now. He would do coke in work and out . Would not come home because he would go out from work but lie and ask me what I wanted for food as he was going to go to the shop on the way home and I wouldn’t hear off him again . Then obviously I would be upset and crying and he would be screaming at me saying there’s nothing wrong with drugs and he won’t stop and maybe I should try some as I would probably like it . He sold coke from my car !!! Asked me to take him to a house . So I did then he pulls out a bag of coke and says he’s dropping it off to some boy . Again I could go on and on .
so this is why I have become horrible . When we fall out over only things I have stated I am mean but it’s because I’m just so hurt inside . I constantly feel hurt and anxious . When I leave for work because it’s early hours of the morning if I stay up his house Im constantly worrying is he watching porn again as soon as I leave . Or when I leave in the nights I think is he taking drugs like he used too as soon as I leave. Or when I don’t hear off him in work I think is it because hes took drugs .
i had a misscarriage last year . And instead of being there for me he was in a pub with his boss sniffing coke . He wouldn’t leave there at all and made me wait 4 hours for him to leave . He then made me wait another hour in my car when he was in his works van behind me arguing with me and again telling me to take some coke as if like it . He doesn’t see how all this has made me the way I am and I am sorry . I wasn’t like this at all before I met him or at the very start .

I won’t show him this thread as he hates Mumsnet . Says we are all men hating bitches

Man here(sorry)You need to end this relationship now ! This man doesn’t like you let alone love you.My wife has been not well for five years or more and we have had sex maybe 10 times in that time,because she’s always in pain and only try when she’s feeling able and wants too.Lots of kissing and for play and maybe very slow careful sex.I could do with more but I love her and we have been together 40,she says I can get it elsewhere if I want but I wouldn’t and don’t need to,again because I love her.Leave and find someone who loves you!

Imagine bringing a child into this situation op. Please dont. You need to leave. Do you need help with putting a plan together?

Do you live together?

Many women dread their men taking Viagra, because it means he expects / wants a marathon sex session. Orgasm? Lovely, let's go again. And again. It can take hours. And just after a miscarriage? Poor woman.

So with him in your life...
You feel used (because you're being used)
You don't like who you become (because you're reacting to his abuse)
You don't like the way he treats you (because it's abusive)
You aren't upholding your own boundaries (about drugs, porn, how to treat a partner and how they should treat you etc)
You're unhappy (because the situation is shite)

There's literally nothing there to stay for.

Learn to uphold your boundaries. There's nothing wrong with you or with what you want. Someone uses porn, that's a dumping offence, same with drugs, so if you find that out you dump them. No second chances. Someone coerces you into sex you dump them even if you don't give in, the fact they tried meant they're abusive so dump.

You know what your boundaries are, you just need to learn to walk away from people who don't respect them. Don't get bogged down in discussions about them. Your boundaries aren't up for negotiation. You're only asking for bare minimum stuff! So don't JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) just walk away and block at the first sign of disrespect.

It's actually not hard for a respectful person to go through life respecting others. So if someone is acting like you want the moon on a stick just because you want respect, it means they're bad news and you don't want them in your life. You don't need to stick around trying to work out what type of bad news they are and whether they'll change. The answers are: it doesn't matter and no they won't.

@orangedog22 so he is a women hating coke head . Who verbally , emotionally and physically abuses you. .
Please get away from him for good .

He also deals coke from OP's car. I assume that if he's caught by the police doing this he will certainly tell them that OP has given him permission to use her car to sell drugs.

He is such bad news and a real danger to OP.