Ended relationship after ten months over doubts about long-term commitment

[MummysLittleSunbeam]

Afternoon all,

I have just ended a relationship that I have been in for 10 months. I feel absolutely bloody awful! I really fell for this bloke but, always felt that he wasn’t as serious as I was. We had talked about him moving in to my place and renting out his but, it he wasn’t keen. We pretty much spent every evening and weekend together since we met so, it wasn’t a big step.

Ultimately, I didn’t think that he was up for a serious relationship and didn’t want to live in separate houses for the next 10 years.

Also, his previous girlfriend was 22 years younger than him. I am 7 years younger than him. He also gave me the impression that I was a bit old for him.

On the one hand, I think that I am sad about the potential relationship. However, I feel more ‘at peace’ and confident in myself now that it is over.

I gave the reason for the split that I was looking for a long term relationship with someone who felt the same. He then said that it was a waste of 10 f*ucking months then… feel a bullet may have been swerved…

we pretty much spent every evening and weekend together since we met so, it wasn’t a big step.

um yes @MummysLittleSunbeam moving in together IS a big step

Do either / both have children?

Moving in together at 10 months is an absolutely massive step, so I don't really blame him for being wary about that.

BUT Also, his previous girlfriend was 22 years younger than him.

How the fuck didn't you run a mile when he told you that? It's just utterly grim!

So you’re 7 years younger than him, yet still 15 years “too old.”

Good riddance to him.

We both have adult children who don’t live at home..

Actually, final straw…
We were at a festival this weekend. It was really busy so, tough to get seats. He got a drink and sat next to two girls in their 20’s. He is early 60’s. I got my drink and sat with them. Instead of light..random stanger chit chat, he started a full blown conversation. There was no common ground so, it was odd
He finished his drink, asked me if I wanted a drink, to which I said no and I assured that we were leaving. He went to the bar and came back with a drink for himself and a pint each for the girls. He hadn’t asked if they wanted a drink.. undoubtedly, they would have said no thanks. It was properly awkward. So, they politely sat and stayed a bit longer. I felt so humiliated…

when I said to him about it, he got angry and said that I had got it all wrong. He was just being friendly. It felt so wrong!!! We were all very uncomfortable..

*assumed.. not assured…

If you ever needed confirmation that you did the right thing this was it! He showed his true colours here OP, you are well rid!

So depressing that you are in your fifties and thinking like this.

you have adult kids? What must they think, I dread to think

Ewww you are well rid of him, do nit let him back, if you even consider it please know that he gave me the ick from here. He’s gross.

So his 'type' is someone young enough to be his daughter. That's just grim. Ugh.

@Picklebite to be fair, I have been divorced for 10 years and haven’t done much dating. My youngest moved our last year..

Sadly on the basis of this, you need to do some serious work on yourself and building up your self esteem and your benchmark for men before you should even consider giving dating another go

His daughters are only a couple of years older than his ex.

Apparently, age is a number and she was mature for her age…

Mmm…. You could be right @Picklebite

I have dabbled in online dating but, it was so awful!! I am not in a rush to do it again..

He probably likes them younger than that, but it was about as far as he could go without all his friends thinking he's a paedo.

You’ve encountered the oldest swinger in town species - he will have ‘settled’ (in his mind not in reality) for an ‘older’ woman as his carefree years are coming to an end and he needed a nurse in mind to settle down with.
The delusion is strong in this lot so he will still have been thinking he has one or two last throws of the dice with a much younger woman left in him, hence not wanting to commit.

See this as a massive manchild-shaped bullet swerved. You are well away from Peter Pan and his delusions.

However, use this as a lesson for yourself on rushing things - wanting to move in with someone you’ve been dating for 10 months who wasn’t even seriously committed to you is bonkers. You are a grown woman with adult children - there’s no rush.

Thanks @Over40Overdating .. you have really hit the nail on the head. On his online dating profile, he said that he was 10 years younger than he was…. yes, I know!!!

Well, you live and learn… !!!!

Well done for setting standards for yourself op despite it being painful.

There are so many lame men who skate on the surface of live but don’t want to commit, always with half an eye to someone else coming along.

Life is too short to be with a man who isn’t all in. Good riddens to him. It’s his loss. 💐

Sadly I had to miss many nails in my own dating life before I started hitting them @MummysLittleSunbeam. There’s so many of them about! And all thinking they pass for 45 when the nearest they get to that is the numbers on their cholesterol test.

They really do think 20 something girls will be dazzled by their dashing good looks, worldly wise charm and the shine off their ever expanding foreheads.

It’s easy to get carried away when dating is still new. We have all done it. Now you know to avoid the pensioner playboys!

He’ll hit you up in a year or two when he realises his dice are no longer even allowed on the dating table and be ready for his slippers and servitude era. Block his number!

Maybe check out Burned Haystack, to help you sift out the worst and also help you realise being single is better than being with a pervy loser.

Let me tell you about my friend let’s call him “Dave”.

I knew Dave at work when he was 40. Dave looks 10 years younger and so was chasing 20 year olds because he himself could pass for 25 at that time. Dave is very vain always admiring himself in the mirror and down the gym.

Dave always attracts gold diggers because he is obsessed with youth and being perceived as young. Always lied about his age. Demanded he dated 20 year olds.

Dave said he slept with 400 women (but only remembers 250 of them, which I believe) he’s very good looking, women throw themselves at him, and he’s flirty. He’s always been a cheater, juggling several women around, claiming he needs to go abroad for business is his perfect cover for cheating.

He has money. He’s never married. He had 2 kids in 3 years with 2 different women and was living with another girlfriend in year 4.

He says to me, a friend, he will never marry as he’s terrified of being taken to the cleaners if he marries as every girlfriend he’s had has left him. Mainly due to his cheating, selfish ways, self-obsession, lying, Narc abusive behaviour.

I’d say he is a low level sex addict. He always wants new young women, even when he’s in his 50s. He will say he’s living the dream, doing what all men envy.

I can see him penniless and alone.

I can also see him marrying some Thai women 40 years younger than him when he’s 60 and needs someone to care for him.

Dave speaks disparagingly about women say 40 or above. Thinks they’re old ugly hags.

You dodged a bullet. There are millions of Dave’s out there. They think they are the dream ticket and they are constantly chasing 20 year olds. 30 years old is their limit. Any older and they will be trading them in for a younger gold digger.

type of pathetic desperate behaviour Dave does is always going on holiday with the latest girl. He flies ahead a day before as he doesn’t want her seeing his passport as he’s lied about his age, so they can never take flights together.

lies that he doesn’t have kids or lies about the kids’s ages as he doesn’t want to reveal he’s old.

Run a mile when you have a bloke saying he’s dating girlfriends significantly younger. It’s bad news on so many levels. Wouldn’t even trust it as a one-night stand.

What a tosser, honestly his lack of commitment has done you a favour, flirting and buying young women drinks in front of you, you should have dumped him there and then. He’s really not as desirable as he thinks he is anyway.