Ended relationship after ten months over doubts about long-term commitment

[MummysLittleSunbeam]

Afternoon all,

I have just ended a relationship that I have been in for 10 months. I feel absolutely bloody awful! I really fell for this bloke but, always felt that he wasn’t as serious as I was. We had talked about him moving in to my place and renting out his but, it he wasn’t keen. We pretty much spent every evening and weekend together since we met so, it wasn’t a big step.

Ultimately, I didn’t think that he was up for a serious relationship and didn’t want to live in separate houses for the next 10 years.

Also, his previous girlfriend was 22 years younger than him. I am 7 years younger than him. He also gave me the impression that I was a bit old for him.

On the one hand, I think that I am sad about the potential relationship. However, I feel more ‘at peace’ and confident in myself now that it is over.

I gave the reason for the split that I was looking for a long term relationship with someone who felt the same. He then said that it was a waste of 10 f*ucking months then… feel a bullet may have been swerved…

I have just ended a relationship that I have been in for 10 months.
Better than ending it after 10 years.

always felt that he wasn’t as serious as I was.
If that's how you felt from day 1, why on Earth did you decide to proceed with him anyway? And for 10 months?! Please trust your own intincts the next time, don't ignore red flags like these. They are there for a reason, and if you'd trusted yourself 10 months ago you could have saved yourself from "feeling bloody awful" now.

We had talked about him moving in to my place and renting out his
Why? If he has never been as serious about you as youw ere about him? That's like being severely allergic to shellfish but still decide to go to a shellfish buffet: not a good idea!

...he wasn’t keen.
Thankfully.

Also, his previous girlfriend was 22 years younger than him.
Another red flag you ignored. Just...no, no, no. NO.

I am 7 years younger than him.
Not as bad as the 22 year age gap, but still some gap. One have to ask why he has a pattern of going much younger.

He also gave me the impression that I was a bit old for him.
Well, he's 7 years older than you, so if he sees you as old he should see himself as ancient and know his place. Not chase after women who could be his daughter. Just, yuck. He sounds yucky all aorund.

On the one hand, I think that I am sad about the potential relationship.
There was no potential for anything good. You fantasised about something there was no foundation to fantasise about. He was avoidant and reluctant, and he's an old man chasing young women and irresponsibility. The only potential there is, is him turning into an even more sad loser than he already is.

However, I feel more ‘at peace’ and confident in myself now that it is over.
Good, you should feel that way. Woman to woman, this man is nothing to write home about. Nobody I know would even notice him on the street due to his old age, let alone touch him with a bargepole. Neither should you, you sound nice and don't need to sadden yourself by someone of this low caliber.

I gave the reason for the split that I was looking for a long term relationship with someone who felt the same. He then said that it was a waste of 10 fucking months then… *
See, I told you there's no potential in or with him to feel sad about losing. Good riddance, bye bye.

I bet he ends up with a Thai bride in the future.

He sounds like a sleazy perv and you’re well rid of him.

Well done for getting out of this going nowhere relationship! He sounds like a total loser

@Morningluv he has met both my daughters - they don’t live at home - and has daughters himself. They are in their 30’s. He speaks to them every day.

When he told his daughters about me, one of their first questions was my age….

Setting aside your choices regarding your icky now ex, spending every day/night with a new boyfriend, from the start, and wanting ‘commitment’ and to live with them after only 10 months isn’t a good plan, at any age.

He obvs fancies himself as a Man About Town and a silver fox but the “ew” and “paedo” comments are ridiculous.

If you were seeing him every night then I think that was quite a lot of commitment on both your parts and I don’t blame him for not wanting to move in with you. It’s too much too early. Genuine question: unless you need financial
support , why do you want to live with another man at your stage in life?

Totally sounds like you dodged a bullet! Also sounds like it got quite intense quite quickly! Why do you want to live with someone? Don’t you like a bit of your own space sometimes? (Although this guy definitely was not the one!)

You found my ex 🤣
Tip, as soon as you find a lie about age , run

Not wanting to move in together after 10 months is fine.
Expecting serious commitment after such a short period of time would see a lot of people run for the hills.
The rest of it would give most people the ick, so you've made the right decision based on that.

We did have a great relationship and a lot in common. I really enjoyed spending time with him. From what he said in the end, it was all just an act anyway..

We both work from home. So, he used to come over after he finished work and we used to have dinner together/go out. We both have a social life outside of each other..

He was imposing on those young women in a way that was really inappropriate. Just being friendly, my arse. You’ve dodged a bullet.

It was bad enough whilst I was there.. I am sure that it would have been so much worse if I wasn’t. It was really surreal… and he is still adamant that he didn’t do anything wrong!!!

OP, gently, this is a really puzzling thread. You don’t have one good thing (understandably) to say about this sixtysomething chaser of very young women (whose response to your age, to you ending things and whose behaviour at the festival suggests he had zero respect for you), yet you say you’re ’sad about the potential relationship’ — why?

However, I feel more ‘at peace’ and confident in myself now that it is over.

Focus on that part. I suspect you've been trying to act younger and mentally and physically be more stimulating to keep his attention than you realised and now you no longer need to do the unconscious pick me dance you can relax. You need to figure out why you were doing that so it doesn't happen again.

He's a creepy, sleazy bastard and you're well rid.

I'm 50 and if a bloke in his early sixties started buying me drinks unasked for and engaging me in conversation by force I wouldn't be thrilled. If someone behaved like that to my 22yo daughter I'd be telling him
bo uncertaim terms where to shove his pint.

He was attractive and very charming. We had a lot of things in common. We had weekends away and holidays together. I met his friends and family.. who were really lovely. Apart from the age gap with his ex, he had never such shown repulsive behaviour before. Still, it all comes out in the end…

Oh god... that's way more of an issue than the not wanting to move in after 10 months!

Was he ever this 'friendly' with random young blokes?

@researchers3 … er, strangely not!

I did ask him how he would feel if his son in law was doing the same thing with his daughter sat there…

At one point, I was so annoyed that I walked away. When I got back he will telling them how long we had been together and that we lived together… which I corrected him on. He was saying what a great relationship we had…. I felt humiliated and completely played…

You dodged a bullet OP. I bet those 20 year olds were embarrassed and thought he was a right creep! He sounds like the sort of man who gets laughed at behind his back, you don't want to be involved with that.