Partner ended relationship after move because he could not live with my daughters

[Coasthills]

Hi everyone, I am posting here because I am in a state of absolute shock and severe anxiety. I really need some support from anyone who has survived this.
I recently uprooted my entire life and moved away to be with a partner I’ve been in a 2 year relationship with. Before the move, everything seemed fine, but now that we are here, he has completely pulled the rug out from under me. He just told me that he cannot live with my two daughters- he doesn’t like the family dynamic, noise or responsibility.
I am 12 weeks into this move and the emotional pain is completely overwhelming, he has since left the property and our relationship. I feel like such a rubbish mum for putting my girls through this, even though I genuinely thought I was moving them toward a loving, blended family.
Emotionally I am completely broken.
Has anyone else been through this? How do I cope with the heartbreak and constant spinning in my head regarding decisions. Thankfully my daughters are strong, resilient, amazing and don’t seem phased in the slightest. Please tell me it gets better.

No real advice apart from at least you know now rather than after you are all truly settled.

Sending hugs.

You uprooted your children for a move to a man you hadn't lived with before? Shit like this is why you can't do things like this as a parent! Thank god you found out so early, can you get any parts of your previous life back? Have they moved schools already? How awful for them.

As shitty as it feels now OP, he’s actually done the right thing. Better now than later on, when everyone is angry and upset with each other.

Can you move back? Was the co-living situation trialled at all? Why wasn’t he the one to move to you, instead of uprooting 3 people?

Have far have you moved?
Hindsight isn't helpful but you shouldn't have uprooted your children like this.

I think you need to return back to your 'old life'. Blending families is complicated and should be done gradually, not jumped into in one go.

Kids come first but you hardly sprang them on him. He knew you had two daughters. Shame on him.

Well you will survive it; you’re not going to die.
Had you trialled living together before hand ?
how far away did you move?
it must feel extremely hard for you but it’s better than him dropping a bomb further down the line once you’re settled no?

You have no idea what it is like to live with children, until you do.

He is perfectly within his rights to realise it’s not for him. As PP have said, better to do it early on. Some things just don’t work.

That's why a partner moves IN WITH YOU to trial it, you don't drag your kids away from their home, school and friends to give it a go with some man!

Can you move back to familiar territory? Will your children be able to go back to their original schools? Possibly you want to stay where you are if they're both being supportive? Take the bloke out of the equation totally, concentrate on making the right choices for your family 💐

What a horrible thing to do to you.
What on earth was he thinking? Get you down there and what? Hope you'll give up custody to be with him?

Move back as soon as you can. Do you have anyone who can help you?

Sounds like a completely wrong decision to uproot you and your children’s lives for a man who is not their father and who hadn’t lived with them.

im sorry you’re in this predicament but your choices are stay where you are and make a go of it alone or move back to where you lived. He’s told you this isn’t going to work so I’d believe him and take him out of any future plans.

Blended families unfortunately are extremely complicated. Im sorry this has happened to you.
I would stay and try to make a go of it, rather than uprooting your children again to move back. I presume they are going to go to new schools etc. Just crack on on your own.

How do I cope with the heartbreak
Time.
Meanwhile, let yourself cry.

and constant spinning in my head regarding decisions.
Write things down. Pen and paper, not on your phone.

Give us more detail and we can give you solid practical advice:

Did you buy with him or is the house rented?
Do you want to move back to the previous area and put your DC back into their previous schools? Do they want this? Are there spaces in the schools?

Please tell me it gets better.
It gets better.

There's no point saying it was a bad decision, OP has found that out the hard way!

Lots of questions before anyone can know what to suggest.

What's the set up OP? If he's left I assume it was a new property for you both - rented? Are you tied to it for a certain time frame, and can you afford it without him?
Do you have a job?
How old are your children?
Do you know anyone else in the area, maybe from your time dating him before you moved there?
What is the distance between your old home and this one?
Do the girls see their dad?

I'm sorry this has happened to you @Coasthills

Do you own the house? Did you sell your previous one?

Have the children moved schools? Presumably they have.

TBF I think he's done you a favour by getting out of the situation fairly quickly.

But you must be feeling awful.

Time will make this better, but at the start it'll be very difficult.

Focus on the lucky escape your daughters have had and be thankful that this man didn’t choose to live with your children while resenting their existence. He shouldn’t have been living with them in the first place, but that’s on you.

Many people in life make bad decisions over and over because they blame others and don't look inwards at their own behaviour and choices. OP is already blaming the man for not being ready - it's very important that she reflects on why she made this decision and tales responsibility for the impact on her children so she chooses differently in future.

Are you renting or had you bought something?

Can you move back home?

Can you move back home?

Write him off now, focus on your DDs and decide what is going to make life easiest and best for them. He had absolutely no idea what it was going to be like when you moved in, and to be fair to him he has been honest enough to say early on that this is not for him and he can't live like that.

If possible go back to the area you were in before (if you had help, family, friends or support there). If not and the kids are settled and you can afford it then start making your life in your new area as a single Mum again.

This is the shocking part

OP, what is the situation? Did you move far? Did you sell or what exactly has happened?

My old nail tech moved to Australia to be with a man she’d only known for a few months. Uprooted her young primary aged children. Needless to say it all went tits up within 6 months and back they came 🙄

Wow, you must feel terrible, you poor thing. 💐

Is it possible to undo the move or are you stuck?

So he’s left his own property? Or did you co-own it?
Sorry that this has happened, OP😢

Bloody idiot! Shame they didn't have a dad with some sense who could have stopped her.

Sad you had to find out this way. Better now than in a few years time I think.