Have I been dumped or not. I’m confused

[Lara98]

Hi everyone I was wondering if anyone can help me understand my situation. I’m in a serious relationship of a couple of years & my partner just told me he’s no longer going to put any effort in. I asked him what that meant & he said do what you want with that. So I asked why he couldn’t just break up with me directly like an adult & he said he wasn’t breaking up with me but I can do what I want. I then asked if that meant if I was single & he said that’s up to you. This came totally out of the blue & I still don’t understand what he meant or what I’m meant to do from here. Any help understanding this would be appreciated

Yes it sounds like it's over. I'm sorry. Call your friends and get a bottle of wine in. xx

How old is he? This has to be a teenager surely? Grown men don’t act like this. If it’s over you’ve dodged a MASSIVE bullet.

He wants you to be the one who is specific about finishing it so that he can tell people that it was you who ended it and he is a confused victim.

He sounds like an immature idiot who doesn’t want to be the one to break it up as he wants to tell people that you did it.

Just end it, block and walk away. He sounds very stupid.

What was the context? What effort is he not going to put in?
Successful relationships don't take much effort, really. Partners talk to each other make suggestions and arrange outings/evenings in etc.

It sounds as if you would be better off without this eejit.

Was there any build up to this declaration?

A good relationship, a good man, will never have you left wondering where you stand. This kind of lack of safety is unacceptable. Please don’t give this person one more moment of your precious life.
he deserves to be blocked cold turkey - just blocked, the way he has stonewalled you here is abuse.

please please don’t give him any more heart, effort, or time.

Wow. He couldn’t even be bothered to put effort into dumping you. What a charmer.

I would confirm to him its definitely over and move on.

Block the contemptuous bastard and don’t ever look back.

I'd text him, 'Ok, will do' and then I'd walk away.

If he's telling you he's putting in no effort and you can do what you like I would choose to end it and find someone else. I can't be bothered with silly dramatics like this.

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction now of putting more energy in, confirming anything with him and.you being the one to finish it cleanly. I would just ignore him. In your own mind it's over and he has shown himself a poor partner. Just don't do any declarations or blocking just get on with your life. It would be brilliant if he texted and you could just reply vaguely and grey rock him, you can show him lack of effort.

he said he wasn't breaking up with me but I can do what I want

I think I would be tempted to say, "I want to go on holiday by myself, I want my bed to myself, I want to stop worrying about cryptic dramatics."

But don't break up with him directly. If he asks, "What do you mean?" you can tell him the "make of it what you will" line. He deserves you to be as annoying as he's being.

It sounds like he wants you to say it's over tbh. What's all the no effort comments about? Has something happened?

Was this face to face or by text?
If it’s by text, just send a thumbs up and leave it at that
He sounds like an absolute idiot

I can't see how this leaves you wondering what he meant. He's said things that are cold and mean and he's behaved badly. I would take it to mean that this man doesn't love you. I wouldn't be waiting for any additional clarity, I would be organising my next steps, away from him.

I can't imagine he's been a gem for 2 years and all of a sudden is a jerk. You might look back in hindsight to recognize red flags you must've overlooked so you cut off uncaring losers much more quickly.

Don't try to figure out a jerk's behavior. His mind lacks the empathy gene, so it's why people who possess normal, caring traits are shocked that not everyone thinks alike.

I wouldn't even waste more breath on him. Block his number, spend time with girlfriends, pamper yourself with "me time," and begin the new chapter of your life. Take care.

It’s very odd wording. Has he always been the one to put the effort into the relationship and make decisions? If so maybe this is his way of saying he’s no longer going to do that and would like you to be less passive.

Or as others have said he doesn’t want to be the one to do the dumping.

Thinks he is smart. Two can play at that game. Ignore him and get on with your life.
What a crass idiot he is.

This is really odd - If I was going to say a
thing like this if have to be really exasperated and totally fed up with putting effort in - he’s with drawing effort to see if you put it in.

Whats the back story?

Do you live together? If you do, whose house is it?

If you don't live together, then it's easy. Live your life like he's not in it. If you do live together, if it's your house tell him it is unfair for you not to know where you stand in the relationship so he can pack his shit and leave this weekend. If it's his house, move out.

I wouldn't confirm with him that the relationship is over. I'd just cease it and move on.

Reminds me of the running in the rain thread where a poster was dumped by text and the ex said no need to reply so she didn't. It drove him mad. I suggest you do the same and find someone worth your time and energy.
Edited to add The thread

He’s playing mind games with you. If you act like he’s broken up with you, he’ll then claim that he didn’t end it; he just told you that he wasn’t going to put any effort in and you could interpret that how you liked, and since you took that as the relationship being over, that just shows him how much you think of him, and what a terrible girlfriend you are. However you take it, it’ll be the wrong way. This is a stick to beat you with.

You don’t need to know why he’s said he’s not putting in any effort, or what he means by it. All you need to know is what you are prepared to tolerate from him. Fuck this one off or you’ll be spending the rest of your life catering to his mood swings. He’s pathetic.

Be an adult and walk away.
Seriously this boy child hasn't even got the balls to end your relationship.

It's over love. To the kerb he goes. He has told you though IMHO.
Keep your dignity always .