Would I be a bad friend for dating my friend's ex?

[Ashleyxx116]

hi i dont know where to start but ill try

ive had this friend for nearly a year now but recently her and her boyfriend had been fighting and breaking up and i had been comforting them both, a few days ago i had confessed my feelings to her ex because as time went by we had gotten really close and she had recently found out and told me i was a bad friend and started to guilt trip me.
its been a few days now and me and her ex are very close and comfortable with each other (hes 20 and 4 years older than me). she also made a post about him being too clingy when they were together. i really love him and it seems like he feels the same way.
would it be bad if we happen to date?

Well yes but I guess the friendship doesn't mean that much to you so as long's you're happy to loose the friendship crack on!

You’re only 16?

yes

I know you won't listen. But no decent 20 year olds will be sniffing around 16 year olds.

And yes, that is awful behaviour towards a friend.

Yep, thats not a good thing to do. You should forget about him, think about what comes next in life in terms of qualifications and career. No man is ever worth falling out with friends for.

If you're 16 don't date this 20 year old. You're in different life stages and you are far too immature for this situation. He should be finding girls his own age don't do it.

You’re so young and life is so long. Forget both of them.

Yes, a very very bad friend.

Are any of your friends or family aware of your relationship with this man? If they are, what are their thoughts?

my friends know, i dont have parents

The op is a child.

This.

Ah yes, 16. I'll rephrase.

OP, ditch this guy. Boys will come and go. They have different interests. You sound like you're alone, with no parents. You are better off to stick with your friend than go with this much older (experience-wise) guy. Friends will have your back, unlike men who think it's fine to make a move on the vulnerable friend of their ex.

20 year old man should not be interested in a 16 year old. I’d bet my house he’s bad news. Also being loyal to friends is important and will bring you more happiness than this guy, I guarantee it

Yes it makes you a bad friend to that person (but not a bad person). The guy involved doesn't sound great either - especially a 20 year old targeting a 16 year old.

No decent 20 year old is interested in a 16 year old.

Yes, it would make you a bad friend.

What do you mean you don’t have parents? Who do you live with?

You won’t want to hear this and you won’t agree, but he’s too old for you.

Don’t lose a good friendship over a boy.

He’s a groomer. Went through similar at 16.

You're so young in the scheme of things, a good life lesson is to know men come and go but you always keep your friends close. I'm sorry you have no parental guidance but never dump a friend for a man. Take care of yourself and value your worth, never let anyone put you down x

carers

@Ashleyxx116 you need to hear this straight. a 20yo trying to get with a 16yo is weird and a massive red flag. if he was dating a 19yo that’s one thing but this is different. plus he is your friend’s ex and you were comforting them both, so moving to him is a really bad look and that’s why she is upset. would be best to just drop the guy, back your friend and leave him on seen before you lose a friendship over this

Just think - as a 16 year old would you be interested in dating a 12 year old? Same age difference. Stay far away from him and stick to your friends.

@Ashleyxx116
If you live with carers ( and I hope they are good ones), then unfortunately, you need to create as much stability around you as possible. I’m sorry this is the case for you, because it’s not fair, but it’s true.
Surround yourself with good friends because they will be important for you throughout your life. So, you can’t treat friends like this. If someone is disloyal to you, they don’t deserve your friendship, but equally they won’t stick around if you are not loyal and kind.

It is really bad news if a 20 year old guy is seeking the company of 16 year olds. That is a guy who is troubled, unsafe and will cause damage to your life.

You deserve wonderful things, because everyone dies. This guy is not a wonderful choice.

Look after yourself
💐

Op I am talking from experience. I was 16 and dated some men at 20. And that is what they are men. Totally different life zones don't do it.