Situation with my partner

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Hello. I just wanted to come on here, as it’s easy to talk to friends but good to get someone on outside too.
Me and my partner are always very happy and hardly ever argue. Don’t get me wrong we have argued before. Anyway we went on a 2 week holiday with my family, was gorgeous. Came back, things were good as usual. We have a 3 year old son, he likes watching kids YouTube sometimes and on my phone, my partner said on holiday that he can give him his old phone which he recently changed instead of having mine on occasions, one morning I said to him would it be ok if our son had his old phone today as I had a lot of work on and he said sure il leave on charge upstairs. Hours later I went to get this phone and my child had some down time, the password which it used to be had changed, so I txt and asked what it was- he said I will set phone up for him when home as it still has all of my stuff on. I said I wouldn’t look at your phone? It’s for our son to watch kids YouTube, he then went on about how he thinks I would looo through phone and doesn’t want me to. I had the phone and somehow guessed password it was all zeros - anyway this made me paranoid and curious as I wondered what he was hiding as wouldn’t bother me when he has picked my phone up on occasions- he had all of his iCloud on phone with naked pictures of his exes & also porn videos with them on there. Which yes is a huge disrespect to me but weirdly I was fine as underwood it’s in past and on iCloud memory on the phone. Anyway I felt guilty picking up this phone and doing this so I put it back, when he got home I told him I saw it all, he just went mad saying I should pack my things and get out of house & accused me of figuring out his passwords to social media and grabbed my phone and reset it and hid it incase id wrote passwords down on my phone?! I was trying to find my phone and he threw a glass of water in my face, then acted like it was a game in front of our son and made him throw water at me too (around 3/4 glasses) he then said if son wasn’t there he would have thrown the glass at me. He then threatened to break my phone into pieces. I managed to get my phone and he went off to the gym, he then txt me about getting my stuff and moving out and he’s only with me because of our child, said I have no friends. He has a trip to ibiza tomorrow also and said he will do whatever he wants out there & then went on to delete every picture of me off instagram. Like what the fuck? I honestly want to go but I have nowhere to go to. He’s shattered my trust to him within a day. He is now posting pictures topless on his story’s saying ‘Ibiza ready’ I’ve not messaged him once since. I know everyone is going to tell me to go, but this has never happened before. I’m just absolutely broken, I haven’t ate in 2 days- I probably wont eat the whole time he away either. I feel ill but also shocked.

When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

Nobody deserves to be treated like that. You want to believe the relationship is the gorgeous relaxed two week holiday bubble, but it's not, its the secretive, abusive nastiness that has come out now. He's a horrible horrible man.

You broke his trust and he was understandably angry, but he massively over reacted and he shouldn’t be forgiven for his abusive behaviour.

The relationship needs to be over.

Yeah I agree I regret going into the phone but he went on about me not seeing things on there which made me stupidly curious and I should not have gone through his phone. To add not that it makes that better is that he went on my phone so many times when I have never done a thing. But I agree what he’s done feels unforgivable!? And so degrading - I feel totally worthless now! I need to figure where I can go by time he gets back

Everyone has a past. I haven't deleted photos of my ex. We don't have porn videos though or making anything of the sort.

You shouldn't have gone through his cloud photos and I'll be upset if my current partner did that.

His behaviour back towards you was dreadful, though.

I don't think you're right for each other.

Also, i'm gonna have to say, as i've seen this on quite a few posts.Could a lot of you learn to post in paragraphs
That wall of text was so hard to read, particularly as i'm dyslexic. It takes seconds to split it into paragraphs whilst you're typing

If you have a three year old son and you have a home with him, why the hell has he told you to leave? And why are you even thinking about it?
I don’t know how old you are both are but he’s behaving like an angry teenager.
You are very upset but right now you need to think about practical matters.
Where do you live and who owns your home?
Do you work?
Under no circumstances do you leave that home.
The water throwing was assault.
Your only ‘crime’ was to look in his phone. And you were very understanding about what you found as I think it’s disgusting.
I dread to think what else he’s been up to.
You need some support do you have any loved ones or friends nearby?

There is a HUGE difference between a few random photos and porn videos.
What he is done is assault.

When are people going to realise that using someone's phone without them their permission is a criminal offence. You didn't break into his phone because your child wanted to watch YouTube, you did it because you wanted to access the information on there. Information which he explicitly didn't give you permission to access. Would you the same at work, break into a system your boss didn't give you access to, just because they refused your request? Of course not. So why would you think you have the right to break into someone else's computer?

That aside, this is a dead relationship and you'll both be happier apart.

@PetulaGordeno It was wrong of me to go on his phone and I do really hold my hands up to that but I really wouldn’t have if I just handed it to my son as it didn’t cross my mind until he started planting some seeds of doubt. It’s both of our home and I know I said I’m not leaving but then how can I stay here and him come back to think I would never leave after acting this way. It’s such a hard situation as I’m so so shocked I have seen this side of him, I’m 35 and he’s 38. We’ve been together for 6 years! I am disgusted to what I found however I know it’s old and from past and it’s downloaded when he has transferred his iCloud! But not nice to have on there

OP is it his house or jointly owned? If it's his, you need to contact your local council and tell them thay your partner has thrown you out and you are now homeless with a small child. They will have to provide you with temporary accommodation until you are housed. None of this is ideal but you need somewhere to stay. Block the nasty bastard and don't contact him. He has shown you his true colours and the arsehole that he is.

But she didn't know she'd find explicit videos, did she?

So the point still stands, don't go snooping in somebody's photos folder. Unless you have permission don't do it. Most of the time, people who go snooping tend to not like what they find.

@WeddingDressguestno I do agree and like I said I hold my hands up and I shouldn’t have gone through it. He has taken my phone before and gone through it so he has done it to me too. But I do regret doing that as I don’t really agree with it.

Then, you really aren't right for each other.

If you make each other feel that bad and mistrust each other to the extent you go through each other's phone and he assaults you then you really shouldn't be together.

And this is why I posted on here as I need people to also tell me I was wrong - my friends would tell me I wasn’t but I know it was wrong. But I also don’t know what the hell to do! This is the first time I’ve seen this side of him

Also, i'm gonna have to say, as i've seen this on quite a few posts.Could a lot of you learn to post in paragraphs
That wall of text was so hard to read, particularly as i'm dyslexic. It takes seconds to split it into paragraphs whilst you're typing

I don't think when OP started the thread her style of writing was the first thing on her mind! A lot of OP's post when they are extremely upset and going through something very traumatic for them. For you to come on and criticise her writing style is extremely unkind and unnecessary.

@PurplebudsWhitebuds thank you so much for saying this. And yes I don’t normally write on one whole paragraph like that, I’m angry/upset and was eager to get answers. X

I think that if it didn't bother you about whether he had naked pics of his exes on there, then you wouldn't have been so curious as to look.
I think it does bother you, and you don't have to pretend that you are all cool about it.

I think he's completely unhinged and aggressive and violent.
I think you need to see this for what it is. It hurts like hell, but his reaction and the way he has acted and spoken to you since is outrageous and I hope you protect yourself.
You don't have to pretend that you're fine with him wanking off to pics of his exes.

I think you need to bin him off completely and stand up for yourself

Yes it was technically wrong but you never would have looked if he hadn’t told you that your son could use it and then was odd about you accessing it. Your spidey senses were up.
What he did was so much an overreaction it’s off the scale.
You have already said that technically it was wrong but for goodness sake what he’s done is vile. I would be mildly irritated if my other half looked at my phone and then I’d change the subject.
He has reacted this way because he’s hiding other things and now he is using it as an excuse to treat you like shit.
Find your anger and stop flogging yourself over it.
It is also illegal to assault your partner which people are disregarding and ranting over illegal entry to a phone.
Honestly OP you need to listen to your friends.
We all have a past but any man who keeps pornos featuring his exes is vile. Absolutely rank.

@Branleuse oh yeah I didn’t like seeing them at all. But I know they are from past & I said it him I think it’s wrong and actually quite creepy you still have videos and pictures of all your exes! And very disrespectful to me to be honest. But I do get they are in the past.
And yes I’m so so hurt and feel fucking shit to be honest - I feel so degraded and worthless from the things he has said and done. And cherry on top is he is going to Ibiza and his knows what he will do now! It’s so weird as I had completely trust and now I have zero!!
it’s just where to go and what to do from here! X

Whatever you found on his phone or how you found it is irrelevant now. Whatever 'nice' past behaviour you knew about him is irrelevant now too.

The aggression towards you and encouraging your pre-schooler to join in with it is extremely disturbing. He has told you he will throw a glass at you given the opportunity. He is telling you he will physically harm you one day.

No wonder you are in shock - this is horrific abusive behaviour.

If you stay with him he will continue to teach your child to be abusive towards you.

Get the hell away from this psycho.

He was violent and abusive and threatened you with more violence. The phone is irrelevant, the back story doesn't matter. Thank god he's on holiday now so you can sort out somewhere to go or make sure he doesn't come back, depending on your living situation.

@PetulaGordeno I know thank you 🥺🥺 I keep reading your reply’s and they’ve been the most real and helpful thank you. I’m just so so upset, I do actually think he’s hiding more too- as he was going on about how he thinks I have his passwords, which I do not but my god why this reaction? Clearly something he doesn’t want me finding or seeing. And now he has made himself appear single and I’m left feeling this way. No apologies - nothing. I feel like this is the end and I cannot see how we’d get past him acting like that & throwing water at me degrading me. I don’t trust him at all now. I need to figure some things out whilst he is away! It’s just the most awful situation x

Thank you for all your answers guys. It’s exactly what I am thinking too. This man is an absolute nutter and he disguised it very well! I don’t deserve this at all. I think I need to leave and let him come back to nothing!! Just need to figure out where to go

Very sensical advice. The OP here is telling herself off.
Her partner has assaulted her, threatened her, physically destroyed her phone and gone on an online offensive.
A man of his age with his top off posting about Ibiza Ready is one sad wanker.
The reality is that the phone has given him the excuse he needs to cheat and blame OP.
Honestly most women would be furious if they found porn films with exes. They should be gone.
Would he be fine with it?
There was a poster on here describing how miserable her husband could be with too much family time. He had a porn addiction and needed regular breaks to feed his habit.
His bin bags would be on the path for me but I’m older and a bit wiser.

The fact that he's allowed to go through your phone, but reacts like that when you go through his, and his reaction full stop, tells you all you need to know.

Leave , its obvious