Husband’s ex claims he has been seeing her behind my back

[Mangelay]

I got contacted by my husband’s ex who claims that my DH has been seeing her behind my back. No proof provided and some parts of her messages seem very peculiar, but other elements sadly sound familiar or at least possible.

I’ll probably be flamed for this but they were dating when we met, although I didn’t know about this. When I found out I gave him an ultimatum to make a decision once and for all because I wasn’t going to have any of this. I had some serious trust issues for some years because of this but I eventually ditched them because he is a great partner and the one.

I am not sure if I believe her, but I also don’t want to be a complete idiot and disregard the messages. Looking back he did really treat her badly in many ways and I could understand why she would want to destroy what we have now, but she also seems to be married herself and I can’t believe that someone would risk their own marriage just to destroy someone else’s?

I am sure that her account but I am confused as to why she’d reach out and what her intentions are. I have not told him about it yet.

You should ask her for proof before you do anything but you are right to be concerned. You already know it is in his character to cheat and lie and you would be a fool to think he could not treat you like he treated her

She should be able to send you some screenshots of recent messages if they're in contact.

Are the messages she sent you not clear enough, op, I dont undsterdand the doubt x

She is 100% out for revenge but its weird that she'd chuck her own marriage out the window for it

Ask for screenshots of their recent messages if she can't provide then she's lying.

She sent messages but they are not from his phone number but a different one. Definitely a uk number (she is abroad) but that’s why I’m doubtful.

this isn’t revenge for what happened when you met, it maybe revenge due to him lying to her again or something, but one things for sure, she’s telling rhe truth

I never understand mumsnet, it’s always tell the wife, until someone does and then it’s don’t beleive her.

Could he have a second phone? Can you call it from a withheld number?

He wouldn't be the first man to have a secret sim.
They dont even have to have a secret second phone these days what with dual sim phones.

We’ll have you got some dates and times when they were together ?

My friend had an affair and the AP messaged his wife. She was also married although they both ended up leaving their spouses. I’m pretty sure my friend wouldn’t have done that given the choice.

How would I check if he has a second sim?
I have not called the number because I am really unsure where to go from here and I want to be sure of what I want to do.

He's been having an affiar with someone who lives abroad?

Just ask her for proof.

It’s not at all for sure that this woman is telling the truth. She could very easily be a nasty, vindictive bitch. It’s not just men who can be horrible.

You would need to open his phone and look.

I would have thought that if he has been messaging her, he would have sent the odd photo. Men are well known for that!! Maybe ask her to send one to you. You'll know if it's recent.

Yes they met when she was here as an exchange student. Whole other story

Either that or just send a message to the number that says I know all about you and ex. Sign off with your name.

If that is his number he will surely panic and try to talk his way out of it.

If she's bullshitting then he will be oblivious.

Thanks I’ll reply and ask for proof.

Call the number (withheld) and see if he answers. Ask her to get actual proof. Search his phone for evidence

So does he travel and have the opportunity or is she saying it's an online thing?

The threads I’ve read from posters asking if they should tell someone about an affair don’t go that way. Invariably they are nastily told to keep their beaks out or not to stir and that it’s not their business.

Im not sure I would ask her for evidence, surely she would send that. I might just reply ‘ok’ as she isn’t telling you to be kind to you. Or, I might ask if she’s told her husband.

How have they been having an affair if she’s abroad? Does he visit her country? What do the messages say? Do they look credible?

I’ve known several blokes who have ended relationships due to 3rd parties who then have had affairs either the original partner. I think it’s the combination of wanting to prove that they’ve still got it and the thrill of illicit sex.

If she lives abroad is it even feasible though? I’d get a helpful friend to add him on WhatsApp and see if it comes with a profile picture or call the number and see who answers.

Does he go to her country or her here?

Further details required OP.

If she's not in the country, when does she propose they've been shagging? Has he left the country? Has she been in the UK?

Have you checked the dates and do they match what you and your DH were doing?

Oh he does travel for work and she is in a country very nearby which he does visit at times but not too frequently. Although I never checked where is going for work because why would I doubt it.
Ive asked her for some proof.