Husband’s ex claims he has been seeing her behind my back

[Mangelay]

I got contacted by my husband’s ex who claims that my DH has been seeing her behind my back. No proof provided and some parts of her messages seem very peculiar, but other elements sadly sound familiar or at least possible.

I’ll probably be flamed for this but they were dating when we met, although I didn’t know about this. When I found out I gave him an ultimatum to make a decision once and for all because I wasn’t going to have any of this. I had some serious trust issues for some years because of this but I eventually ditched them because he is a great partner and the one.

I am not sure if I believe her, but I also don’t want to be a complete idiot and disregard the messages. Looking back he did really treat her badly in many ways and I could understand why she would want to destroy what we have now, but she also seems to be married herself and I can’t believe that someone would risk their own marriage just to destroy someone else’s?

I am sure that her account but I am confused as to why she’d reach out and what her intentions are. I have not told him about it yet.

If he was a cheater with you, even if you didn't know he will probaby revert to form.

Just call the number

Well, he started a relationship with you based on lies and deceit 🤷‍♀️

Ring the number ... get yourself a PAYG sim.

Some men are shitty enough to do this.

Some women are shitty enough to pretend.

If they've actually been having an affair, she should be able to prove it very easily.

No matter what she does (or doesn't) come back with: I'd also, absolutely, 100%, be collecting all of your correspondence and then sending it to her husband.

Is this something like he’s in Ireland and she’s in England or something?

It seems like an awful lot of effort to find someone with a UK number to message with to create some elaborate narrative just to get you back years and years later after she’s presumably happily moved on herself. I think in situations like this, there is rarely smoke without fire somewhere.

Fwiw, when I was much younger and stupider, my long term ex cheated on me with his ex (who he’d broken up with the first time because he cheated on her with the woman he cheated on when he first met me, i need a flow chart here!). He got together with this ex after we broke up due to the cheating. Then he proceeded to cheat on her with me on and off for 4 years. All through a wedding and their failed fertility treatments. Like I said, I was in my much stupider phase. 🙄

Of course, if you know he is someone who likes a chase, he’ll probably chase anything and she sounds like easy pickings because she already knows what he’s like.

Ask her to ask him for a selfie. You’ll know if the conversation is current as you’ll know what he’s wearing today.

Looking back he did really treat her badly in many ways and I could understand why she would want to destroy what we have now

If she just wanted to split you up and was making it all up, surely she’d have done this when you first got together or a few months in, rather than now years (?) later?

Look, you know he treated his ex badly, you know he cheated. What’s more likely- that he’s acting exactly the way he has form for, or that she’s decided years later to make up a whole elaborate story that would ruin her own marriage as well as yours?

Come on. Common sense says she is telling the truth.

No point calling the number if this is a burner that he uses only for her.
I’m surprised that you don’t know where he goes for business trips - surely you chat about that? Of course he could Iie but that is a whole other level of deceit.
I would just tell her her to send you a selfie pic of them together when he next visits…

Of course we talked about it and he’d tell me where he was going but I never felt the need to check and validate.

Anyway, I think that something is up and I have the same feeling as when we first got together and I am seething but won’t do anything until I have irrefutable proof so he can’t wiggle out of it (again). I somehow don’t think that she is lying.

@Mangelay Just be aware she might also tell him, that she’s told you. (Assuming she’s not lying). So whilst I don’t recommend acting in haste, do be aware that there’s no scenario where she has your best interests at heart.