Should women feel more confident about making the first move?

[foolintolerant]

Many people complain about blokes and indeed many are completely useless.
Equality legislation is fifty years old this year. Would it be better if females were more confident about making the first move in relationships? What do people think?

Absolutely yes

Personally, I have never felt secure in any relationship ( brief ones) if I did the asking out.
However I know it definitely works for some relationships if the woman initiates.

IME they won't because of a fear of rejection & a fear of judgement but have known them do it in a round about and subtle way.

Women SHOULD, but I’ve never had success the few times I’ve made the first move. It’s always turned out the guy wasn’t that interested, even if on initial meeting they appeared to be.

Why are you calling women 'females' like that?? That dehumising language that's usually used by a certain type of man 🤔

Yes, why not? We expect to earn our own money and pay for half the date, so why should we have to wait for him to move forward?
If he had a problem with it, would you really want to be with someone like that?

'Females'

Are you a man?

you go first

Women, females? Really 🙄 not hitting on men isn’t an equality issue.

I am very happily single and have no desire to approach any male. Nothing to do with confidence at all.

Yes the 'females' thing is weird.

Women could make the first move I guess, but waiting for the man to do it weeds out some of the low effort, un-proactive ones, and the ones who aren't that into it but might think "fine, she'd be ok for now".

Yes. I asked exH out on a date (he lived next door to me and we had become friendly neighbours).

I DM'ed my boyfriend of 5 years first (on Facebook).

I had had a whole life because of this: love, marriage, children, happiness, joy, adventures etc..

I guess both might have got around to asking me out eventually, but who knows?

I guess that's how the world is functioning at the moment. Everyone is waiting for the other one to make contact. Nothing happens and so nothing moves forward. Nothing is resolved and no partnerships develop.

Of course. Women can initiate just as much as men can.

Yes, of course. Most of the women I know are pretty proactive when it comes to relationships. I am drawn to assertive women though, so perhaps my friendship groups are not typical.

Maybe men also wish to weed out low-effort women, or the ones who aren't into him but think he'll do for now?

Women should feel confident about making the first move in EVERY aspect of their life. If there's something you want - not just a man; a job, a friend - then no one's going to hand-deliver it to you.

I struggled with being passive and shy when I was young and I still have to give myself a pep talk to be proactive, but every good thing in my life has been a result of going for it first and not waiting to be asked. I definitely hit on DH first at the party we met.

I'd also add that in 2026 most decent men - the ones who listened to everything we've said about MeToo and boundaries and unwanted attention - are waiting to be given a very obvious signal because they, correctly, don't want to cross our boundaries.

This.

I did because if I didn’t, he would have been back over the other side of the world and that would’ve have been the end of it. We had met at a dinner.

I just took the opportunity that presented itself and thought “if I don’t …”

I did.

How about telling us what you think, OP?

Oh yes, and quit with the 'females' shit.

I met a man who was not all confident asking women out asbe didn’t think they where interested in him -he is very polite and respectful.
Didn’t seem appropriate to ask him out, but gave him a ‘buying signal’ st a party by offering him a share of my toasted marshmellow 😂. He was then emboldened to ask if he could help me with a mutual hobby.
We have been in a very happy relationship now for about 18 months.

I have both a son and daughter in their late teens.

As far as I can see from their peer group women do regularly make the first move.

Which is no different from my peer group 30 years ago.

Is OP Martin Goodman?

Same here. On the odd occasion I took the initiative, it led to a date or two, but no more, and the dynamic always felt off.

Women are confident about making the first move. However, many men are prone to interpret that action as a 'Coo-ee, over here! I'm ready to drop my knickers for you at the earliest opportunity!' and many women have long since realised that they would rather be respected than be seen as an easy lay.

Are men worried about being seen as easy lays? No? Then why would I be as a woman?