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Original poster

Feeling left out and no longer sure about new man

43 replies

NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 09:25

Maybe I should post this in AIBU. Anyways, newish relationship, like 8 months. He's met my family in the local area, got a few in NZ and USA, so not those as yet, I've met his adult children and one of his sisters. I got on well with all of them.

One of his sisters was down for a few days a couple of months ago. They spent some time together alone and then we went for drinks together. She went home the next day. He told me she was coming down with her partner a few weeks back and we talked about all going out together.

Fast forward to yesterday. He said he'd get in touch. Crickets until 11 pm. An attempt to call me, I was asleep by then, then a text to tell me they had all been out together and had a great time, him and BOTH his sisters. So the older one there as well.

There's a backstory here, don't want to do a drip feed but will keep it as short as I can. When we first met, I saw a Whatsapp from his older sister. He had met me around 4 weeks before this message and was telling her how great I was. I'm Irish and she said "Never trust the Irish". I saw this message as he was flicking through photos she had sent him. There were a couple of other negative things said about the Irish.

I did wonder if her sudden appearance on this visit meant a change of plans. Despite having stuff going on at home, I had said I would be free.

I realise brothers and sisters might want alone time but I don't understand why he didn't tell me that. And didn't tell me that both sisters would now be visiting.

It has felt strained for a number of reasons lately as well and I suspect from things he has said and how he is behaving that he is still fixated on his ex of over 5 years ago. We had a massive falling out about it a few months back. My gut has been telling me it's not working. I think I'm just venting as I feel left out and let down and a little bit alone with my own stuff.

OP posts:
BitCoinBillionaire · 09/08/2026 09:31

This all sounds a bit much for 8 months in. I don’t think this is going to have the happy ever after ending that you may be hoping for.

throw this one back in and move on

Original poster
NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 09:41

BitCoinBillionaire · 09/08/2026 09:31

This all sounds a bit much for 8 months in. I don’t think this is going to have the happy ever after ending that you may be hoping for.

throw this one back in and move on

Thanks. You're right. This is meant to be a mainly happy time. Not miscommunication, distancing, banging on about your ex and bloody racism 😂The rose coloured spectacles are rapidly falling off.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 10:20

Not sure how I could forget this. Arghhhh said I would avoid drip feeding!

I noticed on his YouTube the other day that he was getting suggestions for manosphere type stuff, if that makes sense. When he opens it, there are suggested videos which I think come up based on your algorithm? Same as Instagram? So stuff like "How to know if a younger woman wants to sleep with you", "Ignore a woman and see what happens", "How to be more attractive to women".

Just like huh? How to know if WHO exactly wants to sleep with you? And the gameplaying instructions. Like Andrew Tate kind of material. This is a 50 year old man as well!!

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 09/08/2026 10:36

The scales have fallen from your eyes. I predict an enormous sense of relief once he’s out of your life.

TheWorthyNewt · 09/08/2026 10:47

NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 09:25

Maybe I should post this in AIBU. Anyways, newish relationship, like 8 months. He's met my family in the local area, got a few in NZ and USA, so not those as yet, I've met his adult children and one of his sisters. I got on well with all of them.

One of his sisters was down for a few days a couple of months ago. They spent some time together alone and then we went for drinks together. She went home the next day. He told me she was coming down with her partner a few weeks back and we talked about all going out together.

Fast forward to yesterday. He said he'd get in touch. Crickets until 11 pm. An attempt to call me, I was asleep by then, then a text to tell me they had all been out together and had a great time, him and BOTH his sisters. So the older one there as well.

There's a backstory here, don't want to do a drip feed but will keep it as short as I can. When we first met, I saw a Whatsapp from his older sister. He had met me around 4 weeks before this message and was telling her how great I was. I'm Irish and she said "Never trust the Irish". I saw this message as he was flicking through photos she had sent him. There were a couple of other negative things said about the Irish.

I did wonder if her sudden appearance on this visit meant a change of plans. Despite having stuff going on at home, I had said I would be free.

I realise brothers and sisters might want alone time but I don't understand why he didn't tell me that. And didn't tell me that both sisters would now be visiting.

It has felt strained for a number of reasons lately as well and I suspect from things he has said and how he is behaving that he is still fixated on his ex of over 5 years ago. We had a massive falling out about it a few months back. My gut has been telling me it's not working. I think I'm just venting as I feel left out and let down and a little bit alone with my own stuff.

Go with your gut feeling and end it.

MarilynMerlot · 09/08/2026 11:00

The update is even worse. ‘Ignore a woman and see what happens’? How about a dump a loser and see what happens (to your self esteem)

MzHz · 09/08/2026 11:09

My love, @NoughtyNaughty , the fact that you had a “massive falling out” a few months ago when you’ve only been together 8m is the first sign that you’re not in the right relationship.

your gut is telling you something is off, and it is!
you can end a relationship for any reason you like. Just tell him it’s not working anymore for you and that you wish him well.

ok so petty me references that “ignore her and see what happens” vibe and wonders how he’d take it, but the best way always is not to play games. Be clinical and cold about it, don’t allow yourself to be swayed. You know what he is now and that he’s utterly unsuitable for you.

you’re worth more.

I saw this today and found it super powerful

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1amhxGMPGr/?mibextid=wwXIfr

7K views · 7.9K reactions | For who ever needs to hear this… | Stuart Irons Coach

For who ever needs to hear this…

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1005748535814663/?fs=e&mibextid=wwXIfr&rdid=YdhdSBW7zh5skLVU&share_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fshare%2Fr%2F1amhxGMPGr%3Fmibextid%3DwwXIfr

Original poster
NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 11:10

MarilynMerlot · 09/08/2026 11:00

The update is even worse. ‘Ignore a woman and see what happens’? How about a dump a loser and see what happens (to your self esteem)

Ha ha, love this, you made me laugh for the first time today.

I just WhatsApped him to ask what happened yesterday and he's come online and ignored it. Bloody Manosphere idiot. If we were teenagers it might even be excusable, justified to a certain extent, but we've been around the flaming block enough times. This is not his usual communication style at all, feels like the slow fade or something.

To make it even WORSE, he knows I'm struggling as my Dad has not been well at all for a week or so and is scheduled for further blood tests and scans in a couple of weeks time.

What a bastard.

OP posts:
OP posts:
DoughnutDreamer · 09/08/2026 11:15

Eurgh…get rid of him (and his horrible family). You deserve a whole lot more than this.

ginasevern · 09/08/2026 11:15

Bloody hell, 8 months in and your full of angst, anger and insecurity. Imagine what it'll be like after a couple of years. His sister (and probably whole family) are racist, he's looking at misogynistic content and at 50 he sure as hell ain't going to change!

Original poster
NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 11:15

MzHz · 09/08/2026 11:09

My love, @NoughtyNaughty , the fact that you had a “massive falling out” a few months ago when you’ve only been together 8m is the first sign that you’re not in the right relationship.

your gut is telling you something is off, and it is!
you can end a relationship for any reason you like. Just tell him it’s not working anymore for you and that you wish him well.

ok so petty me references that “ignore her and see what happens” vibe and wonders how he’d take it, but the best way always is not to play games. Be clinical and cold about it, don’t allow yourself to be swayed. You know what he is now and that he’s utterly unsuitable for you.

you’re worth more.

I saw this today and found it super powerful

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1amhxGMPGr/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I LOVE that! Following him on FB now!

OP posts:
indigox · 09/08/2026 11:17

I actually thought you were 2 were in your 20s from your first post, this behaviour from a 50yr old man? Leave.

Original poster
NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 11:18

Oh... another kind of drip feed.... my Dad thinks he's nowhere near good enough for me. He met him a few times and just had that "off" feeling about him. He's very intuitive and said there was something very wrong with him... like a darkness! He's never wrong.

And my Dad has really liked previous partners, one in particular, who has remained friends. Interesting that other people can usually see what is right in front of us.

OP posts:
whippersnapper55 · 09/08/2026 11:23

You should still be in the honeymoon, best behaviour phase at 8 months! So many red flags here, I'd throw this one back 🎣

AttilaTheMeerkat · 09/08/2026 11:24

Make this man your ex today. Think he’s still carrying a torch for his ex. His family members are not great to be around either. Love your own self for a change.

Your dad is right. I would like to wish him
well re his upcoming tests.

indigox · 09/08/2026 11:53

How old are you?

Hawksparrow · 09/08/2026 12:15

Horrible family. Why would you even want to spend time with his racist sister?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/08/2026 12:50

Oh grow the fuck up seriously, sick of reading posts like this from women with no respect

Pleasedontdoitagain · 09/08/2026 13:00

NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 11:13

PS this is one of YouTube videos that popped up

I feel so disrespected.

Oh my goodness OP!
Didn't watch it all but the bit I did watch was really chilling. It's as much the constant referring to " she" as though women aren't even human that is so awful.

Honestly you would be much happier without this man in your life

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/08/2026 13:03

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/08/2026 12:50

Oh grow the fuck up seriously, sick of reading posts like this from women with no respect

*self respect

ArganaSpinosa · 09/08/2026 13:08

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/08/2026 12:50

Oh grow the fuck up seriously, sick of reading posts like this from women with no respect

Ouch. I respect myself enough to know I need to end it. Do you expect people to post questionsvon what colour socks to buy or something? Scroll on past if you're offended

ArganaSpinosa · 09/08/2026 13:31

Oops apologies to the OP and everyone. I'm on the wrong post 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mom2K · 09/08/2026 13:42

NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 11:10

Ha ha, love this, you made me laugh for the first time today.

I just WhatsApped him to ask what happened yesterday and he's come online and ignored it. Bloody Manosphere idiot. If we were teenagers it might even be excusable, justified to a certain extent, but we've been around the flaming block enough times. This is not his usual communication style at all, feels like the slow fade or something.

To make it even WORSE, he knows I'm struggling as my Dad has not been well at all for a week or so and is scheduled for further blood tests and scans in a couple of weeks time.

What a bastard.

Show quote history

'Ignore a woman and see what happens' should result in men getting dumped.

But you have plenty of other good reasons it seems already. I'd not continue in this relationship.

smallsilvercloud · 09/08/2026 17:14

What an awful loser, honestly if his sister feels comfortable to message him horrible things about you, you know people also behave like the people they contact the most.
He goes out with ‘sisters’ and ignores you, could it be BS and he’s actually out dating other women, especially as he’s in the mindset of obviously thinking about attracting other women.
Trust yourself and your dad’s opinions of him, it’s not you it’s him. When it’s causing this much stress being with him you may as well just be on your own for now.