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Relationships

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Feeling left out and no longer sure about new man

43 replies

NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 09:25

Maybe I should post this in AIBU. Anyways, newish relationship, like 8 months. He's met my family in the local area, got a few in NZ and USA, so not those as yet, I've met his adult children and one of his sisters. I got on well with all of them.

One of his sisters was down for a few days a couple of months ago. They spent some time together alone and then we went for drinks together. She went home the next day. He told me she was coming down with her partner a few weeks back and we talked about all going out together.

Fast forward to yesterday. He said he'd get in touch. Crickets until 11 pm. An attempt to call me, I was asleep by then, then a text to tell me they had all been out together and had a great time, him and BOTH his sisters. So the older one there as well.

There's a backstory here, don't want to do a drip feed but will keep it as short as I can. When we first met, I saw a Whatsapp from his older sister. He had met me around 4 weeks before this message and was telling her how great I was. I'm Irish and she said "Never trust the Irish". I saw this message as he was flicking through photos she had sent him. There were a couple of other negative things said about the Irish.

I did wonder if her sudden appearance on this visit meant a change of plans. Despite having stuff going on at home, I had said I would be free.

I realise brothers and sisters might want alone time but I don't understand why he didn't tell me that. And didn't tell me that both sisters would now be visiting.

It has felt strained for a number of reasons lately as well and I suspect from things he has said and how he is behaving that he is still fixated on his ex of over 5 years ago. We had a massive falling out about it a few months back. My gut has been telling me it's not working. I think I'm just venting as I feel left out and let down and a little bit alone with my own stuff.

OP posts:
PetulaGordeno · 09/08/2026 17:35

To quote my late lovely dad about an ex who was ‘off’ - when we split up - do me a favour Petula next time you see dogshit on a pavement do us all a favour step around it and don’t walk through it!
And those words of wisdom still warm my heart.
Honestly his sister hasn’t got attitudes like that on her own so I wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t think the same. They sound vile. And strangely untrustworthy for people who talk about trust.
As for being 50 and ignoring women? FFS I bet you he’s spent his whole adult life trying to chat women up and now he thinks he’s more of a chance by ignoring them? Mate, most of them wouldn’t even notice.
Joking aside, actually listen to your dad. It’s not a ‘my daughter is a princess’ comment from him, it’s that he knows there is something not right with this man.
He is basically a dickhead. Please don’t waste any time on Albert Tate. The older version of Andrew…

Arlanymor · 09/08/2026 17:40

He sounds awful and he's 50?! The first time I had seen those messages on WhatsApp I would have confronted him then and there - I'm Welsh and no one spouts xenophobic shit about my culture, it's intolerable. So I guess I wouldn't be with him in the relationship now to be asking this question on MN! Far too much drama and nonsense for the age he is and the length of relationship.

TheDevilWears · 10/08/2026 21:39

If he didn’t call his racist sister out … that would be enough for me to get my coat. Are they English? The idea that she would say ‘never trust the Irish’ … 🙄 Up Mayo btw 💚❤️😂

orangehandles · 10/08/2026 21:50

NoughtyNaughty · 09/08/2026 10:20

Not sure how I could forget this. Arghhhh said I would avoid drip feeding!

I noticed on his YouTube the other day that he was getting suggestions for manosphere type stuff, if that makes sense. When he opens it, there are suggested videos which I think come up based on your algorithm? Same as Instagram? So stuff like "How to know if a younger woman wants to sleep with you", "Ignore a woman and see what happens", "How to be more attractive to women".

Just like huh? How to know if WHO exactly wants to sleep with you? And the gameplaying instructions. Like Andrew Tate kind of material. This is a 50 year old man as well!!

Is there a youtube video called: 'Why Do Women Dump Annoying Men?'. If there is, you could send it to him.

If there isn't, maybe the MN posse could make one.😂

Alittletiff · 10/08/2026 22:03

All this in 8 months?? A “back story”???

Come on OP.

How old are you?

Alittletiff · 10/08/2026 22:04

It has felt strained for a number of reasons lately as well and I suspect from things he has said and how he is behaving that he is still fixated on his ex of over 5 years ago.

so the sister drama is actually totally irrelevant
the real issue is he still loves his ex from half a decade ago

NattyQuail · 10/08/2026 22:25

I love the Irish. His sister sounds such a bitch. Can't trust the Irish?!?! I take it he's English?

IME English men are the absolute worst!

I have travelled extensively internationally too, so I have quite a bit of experience. Dump this loser!

Sending big hugs x

theonlygirl · 10/08/2026 22:40

Never trust the Irish? Er, WTAF. I dont imagine you'd have enjoyed a drink with her anyway but yeah, move on to someone better.

FaceIt · 10/08/2026 22:53

Listen to your dad, he will be right.

I just hope you get in there and dump him first.

NoughtyNaughty · 11/08/2026 11:44

TheDevilWears · 10/08/2026 21:39

If he didn’t call his racist sister out … that would be enough for me to get my coat. Are they English? The idea that she would say ‘never trust the Irish’ … 🙄 Up Mayo btw 💚❤️😂

Yes they're English. Insulting someone's race is just the lowest of the low. And no, he didn't call her out. He didn't even respond to the text where she said it!

So he came on the phone to tell me all about them visiting their old haunts and then had the audacity to say I should have been there. I called him out on it, asked why he didn't mention the other sister was coming and why he didn't call me. He said he thought I was busy with my Dad and other stuff. Ermmmmmm.... not even to have a drink with them?

I put the phone down and have since told him I'm too busy to see him. At all. The silence is deafening.

Until the other sister decided to come, we had definitely arranged to go out for a meal. I was included. I actually have a feeling that he's told them it's not working with me... or even that he ended it. Just a feeling. The whole thing with his ex as well. And of course the other sister LOVED his ex.

Into the bin with him. Sack of useless annoying shoite and a waste of my precious time.

Up Monaghan and Louth X

OP posts:
DozyCrow · 11/08/2026 11:55

Idontjetwashthefucker · 09/08/2026 12:50

Oh grow the fuck up seriously, sick of reading posts like this from women with no respect

Wow you're a delight! Just scroll on by if you don't like it. No need to be so nasty to the OP.

NoughtyNaughty · 11/08/2026 11:59

Pleasedontdoitagain · 09/08/2026 13:00

Oh my goodness OP!
Didn't watch it all but the bit I did watch was really chilling. It's as much the constant referring to " she" as though women aren't even human that is so awful.

Honestly you would be much happier without this man in your life

I haven't even watched it. The thumbnail is really horrible. For a middle aged man to consume this kind of material is just laughable / concerning. But he's clearly been using the "tactics" on me.

OP posts:
pontipinemum · 11/08/2026 12:07

What an ejit!! You're far better off without him. I wouldn't let it fade away. I would outright say you are done with him.

indigox · 11/08/2026 13:37

NoughtyNaughty · 11/08/2026 11:59

I haven't even watched it. The thumbnail is really horrible. For a middle aged man to consume this kind of material is just laughable / concerning. But he's clearly been using the "tactics" on me.

Are you younger than him?

Scrubwren · 11/08/2026 13:43

A significant minority of English people are still prejudiced against Irish people. In future, ditch immediately.

Alittletiff · 11/08/2026 13:47

Op why are you lasering in on the sister issue when you blithely throw in that the relationship has been shit for quite some time as you think he’s still fixated on his ex!! I mean surely that is what should be preoccupying you

Alittletiff · 11/08/2026 13:48

NoughtyNaughty · 11/08/2026 11:44

Yes they're English. Insulting someone's race is just the lowest of the low. And no, he didn't call her out. He didn't even respond to the text where she said it!

So he came on the phone to tell me all about them visiting their old haunts and then had the audacity to say I should have been there. I called him out on it, asked why he didn't mention the other sister was coming and why he didn't call me. He said he thought I was busy with my Dad and other stuff. Ermmmmmm.... not even to have a drink with them?

I put the phone down and have since told him I'm too busy to see him. At all. The silence is deafening.

Until the other sister decided to come, we had definitely arranged to go out for a meal. I was included. I actually have a feeling that he's told them it's not working with me... or even that he ended it. Just a feeling. The whole thing with his ex as well. And of course the other sister LOVED his ex.

Into the bin with him. Sack of useless annoying shoite and a waste of my precious time.

Up Monaghan and Louth X

So you have already dumped him?

mbonfield · 11/08/2026 13:52

Op Time to move and put this down to experience, plenty more fish...

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