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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I blocked him. He lied to me for months. I stayed. Then he left me. What?!

29 replies

Resetrefocusanddoit · 03/08/2026 10:20

2 weeks since he ended our relationship because I found out he had been lying to me for months (I chose to work through it he chose to end it)

Last night i called him and asked him are you really doing this? He said yes i asked him do you think youll ever get what we had ever again? He said maybe i will maybe i wont and so il told him the truth - that hes a liar, and he didnt deserve me or my kids - told him to keep my stuff and give it to the next victim and then I blocked him.

And now, im spiralling. I wanted to fix us and fix this. We promised we would never give up on each other but he said "im breaking that promise deal with it"

I was going to stay and he mugged me off and left me 24 hours after we discussed it and told each other we loved each other and we will figure it out...

OP posts:
MyPlumHelper · 03/08/2026 10:21

I can't really make head nor tail of your post.Probably because you're upset.

But from what you've written I don't know why you want him back.

GrottBaggs · 03/08/2026 10:22

You are better off without him.

GOATYOAT · 03/08/2026 10:24

It’s over. Accept it and move on.

dairydebris · 03/08/2026 10:24

Model dealing with this like a grown up for the sake of your kids.

PetulaGordeno · 03/08/2026 10:36

OP I’ve read your other threads and replied.
You are a loving mum who has been through a gruelling op and has kids to care for. You have people who care about you.
This man is an alcoholic and a drug user. As I’ve said before you are wasting your time trying to get sense out of him.
You may count this as a two year relationship but for most of it he has been lying and treating you badly.
You can’t work on things with an alcoholic who is drinking. They only think about themselves.
But one thing he has said a few times now is that things are over.
You need to accept that.
Write off the things you left at his home. You can replace them in time.
Please stop yourself from contacting this man. As awful as he is, it will start to be seen as harassment and you are worth more than this, you know you are.
We all know how it feels to be heart sore it’s a horrible feeling. But you are going to make yourself very ill and affect your recovery and your children deserve a well mum.

pimplebum · 03/08/2026 10:40

Why in earth would he get access to your kids ?

you sound like some therapy would help

people are allowed to leave you ( should not have met your kids) its not an oath or vows you know ?

BlueFahrenheit · 03/08/2026 11:02

Don't be foolish.

Leave him alone. He doesn't like you.

WinterBlues26 · 03/08/2026 11:33

Why do you want to stay with a liar? A decent relationship is built on trust.

You can do better.

Elieza · 03/08/2026 11:45

do your own thing. you dont need that prick. he will lie and steal and cheat and all that again.

and yes you will find love again with someone nicer and better than him.

focus on your kids. get help from local organisations or womens aid. you deserve better than that prick.

Zucker · 03/08/2026 12:03

He's a liar, he has done you a favour here. Please stay dumped for your own sake.

CelticSilver · 03/08/2026 12:07

Your children don't deserve to have people like that in their lives. Make better decisions.

ChickenBananaBanana · 03/08/2026 12:58

At this point op you are literally doing this to yourself

category12 · 03/08/2026 13:19

Massive blow to your pride as by rights he ought to be begging you back.

But no-one values a doormat. He's got away with treating you badly and you still go back for more.

If you don't put any value on yourself, why would he?

OMGDidYouSayThat · 03/08/2026 13:23

Without knowing whats caused all this it’s difficult to have an opinion, i would usually say that if someone proves to be a liar don’t bother with them, but that said, it depends on what you have to lose and what sort of lie really, i know a lie is a lie but some are worse than others, if he lied about being with another woman or lied about gambling away your mortgage/rent money then that’s a ‘fuck off out of here’ however if he lied about accidentally breaking your favourite coffee mug that’s very different.

I will say that from your post he sounds a bit immature but that’s something only you will know.

PetulaGordeno · 03/08/2026 13:45

OMGDidYouSayThat · 03/08/2026 13:23

Without knowing whats caused all this it’s difficult to have an opinion, i would usually say that if someone proves to be a liar don’t bother with them, but that said, it depends on what you have to lose and what sort of lie really, i know a lie is a lie but some are worse than others, if he lied about being with another woman or lied about gambling away your mortgage/rent money then that’s a ‘fuck off out of here’ however if he lied about accidentally breaking your favourite coffee mug that’s very different.

I will say that from your post he sounds a bit immature but that’s something only you will know.

OP has been posting about this man for a while.
He has been lying to her for 2 years, lives in the pub and smokes weed.
She has recently had an op and needed some basic care and he left her to it.
She has said previously she gives so much love and wants to be loved.
He is all over the place but recently has said it’s over. He sounds absolutely horrible.
He is basically a pisshead and she wants a functioning, loving relationship. She sounds a really nice woman who has been in bits over this for months.
She needs to step away but it seems impossible for her.

Omgblueskys · 03/08/2026 13:52

PetulaGordeno · 03/08/2026 13:45

OP has been posting about this man for a while.
He has been lying to her for 2 years, lives in the pub and smokes weed.
She has recently had an op and needed some basic care and he left her to it.
She has said previously she gives so much love and wants to be loved.
He is all over the place but recently has said it’s over. He sounds absolutely horrible.
He is basically a pisshead and she wants a functioning, loving relationship. She sounds a really nice woman who has been in bits over this for months.
She needs to step away but it seems impossible for her.

Show quote history

This is the guy who pays his landlady and she gives him pocket money back,
He is paying back a loan to landlady,

whippersnapper55 · 03/08/2026 16:16

Hi OP, I've seen your other threads and am really wondering what this shitty man has to do to make you see sense? He's a wanker and he's treated you appallingly, he keeps breaking up with you.

You can't fix this - he's not going to change.

What you need to fix is you - you need to think hard about why you're willing to accept his crappy behaviour. You deserve better. You need to believe you deserve better. Keep him blocked and don't take him back again, unless you want more of the same.

Boomer55 · 03/08/2026 16:28

Resetrefocusanddoit · 03/08/2026 10:20

2 weeks since he ended our relationship because I found out he had been lying to me for months (I chose to work through it he chose to end it)

Last night i called him and asked him are you really doing this? He said yes i asked him do you think youll ever get what we had ever again? He said maybe i will maybe i wont and so il told him the truth - that hes a liar, and he didnt deserve me or my kids - told him to keep my stuff and give it to the next victim and then I blocked him.

And now, im spiralling. I wanted to fix us and fix this. We promised we would never give up on each other but he said "im breaking that promise deal with it"

I was going to stay and he mugged me off and left me 24 hours after we discussed it and told each other we loved each other and we will figure it out...

He’s withdrawn from whatever you had. You really need to move on from this.

Original poster
Resetrefocusanddoit · 03/08/2026 19:47

whippersnapper55 · 03/08/2026 16:16

Hi OP, I've seen your other threads and am really wondering what this shitty man has to do to make you see sense? He's a wanker and he's treated you appallingly, he keeps breaking up with you.

You can't fix this - he's not going to change.

What you need to fix is you - you need to think hard about why you're willing to accept his crappy behaviour. You deserve better. You need to believe you deserve better. Keep him blocked and don't take him back again, unless you want more of the same.

Thank you OP. I have some work to do on myself for sure, I accept the crap behaviour and try and push forward because it stops the pain but its always ever only temporary.
I think im in a trauma bonded cycle really and the way he is doesnt help obviously.

Hes still blocked. And now I dont hear his false narrative of everything im starting to feel sad that hes treated me like this again and again but ive let it happen again and again...

OP posts:
Original poster
Resetrefocusanddoit · 03/08/2026 19:51

PetulaGordeno · 03/08/2026 10:36

OP I’ve read your other threads and replied.
You are a loving mum who has been through a gruelling op and has kids to care for. You have people who care about you.
This man is an alcoholic and a drug user. As I’ve said before you are wasting your time trying to get sense out of him.
You may count this as a two year relationship but for most of it he has been lying and treating you badly.
You can’t work on things with an alcoholic who is drinking. They only think about themselves.
But one thing he has said a few times now is that things are over.
You need to accept that.
Write off the things you left at his home. You can replace them in time.
Please stop yourself from contacting this man. As awful as he is, it will start to be seen as harassment and you are worth more than this, you know you are.
We all know how it feels to be heart sore it’s a horrible feeling. But you are going to make yourself very ill and affect your recovery and your children deserve a well mum.

Thank you OP I know your right....I did tell him before I blocked him that he can give my stuff to his next victim. Then I blocked and hes been fully blocked since I havent wavered!

Im sore and im struggling but it is what it is right.....

OP posts:
Original poster
Resetrefocusanddoit · 03/08/2026 19:57

OMGDidYouSayThat · 03/08/2026 13:23

Without knowing whats caused all this it’s difficult to have an opinion, i would usually say that if someone proves to be a liar don’t bother with them, but that said, it depends on what you have to lose and what sort of lie really, i know a lie is a lie but some are worse than others, if he lied about being with another woman or lied about gambling away your mortgage/rent money then that’s a ‘fuck off out of here’ however if he lied about accidentally breaking your favourite coffee mug that’s very different.

I will say that from your post he sounds a bit immature but that’s something only you will know.

He agreed he needed to cut down on his drinking and the amount of times he is in the pub. For me 40 year old men who are constantly at the pub is a huge ick for me,he said he had got into a cycle and that he understands and seemed to be working on reducing that - dont get me wrong going to the pub after work on a friday to catch up with mates etc is no problem but when its 5 times a week plus its icky to me, ANYWAY, turns out for the past 3 / 4 months he hasnt been doing the pub reduction hes been telling me he is staying late on jobs (builder) but he isnt, hes been going to the pub. Found out by accident. He admitted it once confronted however blamed me for his lies. This isnt the first time hes lied about the pub - last year he went through a stage of telling me he was home when in fact he was still at the pub (found videos (lives) posted by the pub and hes in the background on some of them ) so continual lies. Makes me think what else is he lying about

OP posts:
Original poster
Resetrefocusanddoit · 03/08/2026 19:58

Omgblueskys · 03/08/2026 13:52

This is the guy who pays his landlady and she gives him pocket money back,
He is paying back a loan to landlady,

Show quote history

I hope not! Could be tho who knows hes lied aboit alot of things

OP posts:
PetulaGordeno · 03/08/2026 20:14

Just remember he doesn’t just ‘go the pub’ he’s an alcoholic.
You didn’t cause it, you can’t change it and you can’t fix it.
His wallet, his body and his work with all be suffering but the drink comes first, every single time.
You know those wounds you describe from your op? If you don’t look after them and pick at them they won’t heal.
The mind is no different.
I reached a relationship rock bottom at 40 ish and thought - I’m not doing it like this any more. I was so low for lots of reasons - death of a parent, health problems as well - and I just didn’t know where to start.
But I knew it was my job to act and remembered a message from an old friend which was blunt - nobody is coming to save you.
In time you will realise you don’t even love this guy. You just want someone to love.
Being so in need of someone to love makes you vulnerable to every arsehole around.
This man can’t even cope with his own life never mind a partner with two disabled kids.
I know in your words you often feel trapped at home and maybe the meetings with this man provided a bit of respite?
It is time to concentrate on recovery and then if you can get some counselling.
But what you need then is support and connection from friendship alone.
I did meet someone, by the way, several years after and now when I look back I wince at the poor treatment I allowed.
You need someone with big shoulders, kind, empathetic who has time for you and eventually your kids.
When you meet him, this ex will be in a bar, a sad old git with a shagged liver.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 03/08/2026 20:41

Resetrefocusanddoit · 03/08/2026 19:57

He agreed he needed to cut down on his drinking and the amount of times he is in the pub. For me 40 year old men who are constantly at the pub is a huge ick for me,he said he had got into a cycle and that he understands and seemed to be working on reducing that - dont get me wrong going to the pub after work on a friday to catch up with mates etc is no problem but when its 5 times a week plus its icky to me, ANYWAY, turns out for the past 3 / 4 months he hasnt been doing the pub reduction hes been telling me he is staying late on jobs (builder) but he isnt, hes been going to the pub. Found out by accident. He admitted it once confronted however blamed me for his lies. This isnt the first time hes lied about the pub - last year he went through a stage of telling me he was home when in fact he was still at the pub (found videos (lives) posted by the pub and hes in the background on some of them ) so continual lies. Makes me think what else is he lying about

Show quote history

Yeah well whats the point in having a partner who is always in the pub and not coming home after work to spend time with the family, maybe you’re right, maybe it’s time to get out.

Original poster
Resetrefocusanddoit · 03/08/2026 21:43

OMGDidYouSayThat · 03/08/2026 20:41

Yeah well whats the point in having a partner who is always in the pub and not coming home after work to spend time with the family, maybe you’re right, maybe it’s time to get out.

Show quote history

We dont live with each other. And the kids are mine not his. Its not fully the pub its more the fact he lied - if I dont like a man who goes to the pub alot, then its my choice to end it, however hes lied to me again about it which makes me wonder. Does that make sense?

OP posts: