I think I am cooked 😮‍💨

[serenabar]

As soon as someone does a romantic gesture, I start romanticizing it and them. And now it has occupied my thoughts, but it’s so fresh and I’m trying to follow stupid dating rules. Being nonchalant, not chasing, not being too much blah blah.

Story - I have had 6 dates with a guy (over a 45-day period).

Okay, I slept with him on the second date. I know I haven’t asked for his intentions, and I know if mine are a relationship I should have waited, but I craved affection. My love language is touch. Anyway…

All those dates have been initiated by him. We don’t text between dates, only if it’s about coordinating date details.

It’s him reaching out first every time.

He cooked me dinner last time, and the setting was just so romantic, and now I started fantasizing about him 😩

The sex is sooo good as well. He is also playful and asks me questions.

I’m so shy. And he makes me even more shy.

The big thing I am overthinking is that when he asked me why I was single, I said I had been single for 2 years. When he asked why, I said because I was taking a break after my ex, and he said understandable.

And I added that then I started liking it.

(Here I just wanted to be cool 😩)

But he said something like, “so it’s casual hookups for you?”

I didn’t say anything.

Now I overthink if he thought that’s all I wanted.

Now I have been craving to talk to him/to see him, and I’m dying to text him.

But I saw him last 5 days ago, and our last texts were 3 days ago.

It was me reaching out for the very first time. It was short, just a joke between us.

Now what I advised myself is to wait until he reaches out again, but it’s all I have been thinking about

Oh my gosh that last text from him was pure spite.

No op do not see this man again. He has contempt for you.

Maybe because you haven’t fallen in love with him. Men often don’t like it when we want something casual. It offends their ego.

Your last vulnerable text may have seemed like you were calling him a “simp” (or whatever it’s called these days). And offended his delicate masculinity xD and he’s not happy about it.

The guy is bad news.

“Ok, well I guess we’ re not on the same page then. Thanks for a fun few months. All the best”.

Do not see this person again. He’s not safe. It’s very clear.

Jeez, I can't believe you replied to a text like that. You really need to shake yourself down a bit. Fair enough if he just wants a shag but there's ways and means of wording it. His choice of wording is appalling. Do not meet him again and for the love of god don't text him again.

He’s told you very clearly that all he wants is sex. It’s good he’s being honest, but now you have to believe him.

This exactly. He has made it very clear he is only with you for a hook-up. At least you don't need to wonder anymore. That last message deserves a curt reply and then a block.

There’s so much in your posts about jokingly said, tried to be cool, don’t know how I feel, don’t know what I want.
this or that ‘makes me’ do this or feel this in your posts
I think you need to figure out who you are and what you want tbh and be a bit more assertive.

IMO the guy wanted casual hookups, he was feeling it out, and you said you liked being single. he heard what he wanted to hear. He could’ve said ‘would you ever want a relationship’ but he didn’t, he asked ‘so casual hookups then’
and you didn’t correct him so that’s the relationship you have with him now.

if you want to change it you’ll have to talk to him, but I doubt he’ll suddenly want to be committed after he’s only been single for 3m

Idk tbh OP you sound like a game player. I would have ended it with you already if I knew about all this second guessing and testing and micro judgements.

Yes, sounds like he just wants sex tbh. Which isn’t him doing anything wrong because you told him that’s all you wanted too.

He’s just using you, second date and you had sex !

Every time you e seen him since , you’ve had sex with him
So he know if he feels like sex to text you and you’ll oblige 😡

6/7 dates and he’s not once taken you out somewhere !

This is not going to turn into something you want from him - it’s just sex
Dont let him use you like that , respect

Well @serenabar - I was all positive but having read that he text you and said "walks are outside of what I'm offering"...... tell him you'll be walking on by to someone better then....

Onwards and upwards x

Unless of course you're content for the situation to stay as is - but that doesn't sound the case from what you've written. 💐

He just wants a fuck. He’s straight up told you that. If he considers going for a walk with you to be far too much effort and personal involvement then I think he’s made what he’s ‘offering’ abundantly clear. And to get it you’ve got to travel to his place. I’m sorry to be blunt, OP, but he doesn’t even think shagging you is worth the price of an Uber.

You’ve decided you’re going to see him anyway, but you know this man will only end up causing you pain, don’t you? You’ll make a big effort and arrive excited to see him and spend time with him, and he’ll basically be keen to get business done, then even keener for you to go home again - leaving you feeling used and sad.

All your posts - second guessing yourself, trying to find meaning in everything he says and does, romanticising things, allowing him to occupy all your headspace - suggest you are vulnerable and needy and looking for a proper relationship. This guy is a fuck buddy at best. He was asking about hook ups to check you’re on the same page, but you’re doing your very best not to hear what he’s so clearly telling you.

Be careful and look after yourself, OP. Being ‘cool’ when asked what you want, instead of being honest, will only ever end in heartbreak for you.

If he told you that a walk is outside of what he's offering then he told you that he wants hook-ups.

He spelled it out. Made it clear. You can't will something into existence. Instead of trying to read between the lines, read the actual lines that he's writing.

If you want a relationship, look for one with someone who hasn't told you straight where he's at.

Thank you all ❤️

Yes, his text really upset me. I don’t want to be delusional, but that text felt cold
It probably won’t end well for me.

I think I deserve to be chosen the way I choose someone.
It’s gonna be hard for a while.
It’s gonna hurt. Been there before.

Any suggestions on how to go through it faster? I still can’t see red flags with him. Him not wanting anything serious is his choice, I guess.

I’ll probably have Dua Lipa - New Rules on repeat for a while ❤️‍🩹

Are you very young?

Block him. Spend time doing things you enjoy. Find a way to have a full life without centering a man and you won't be so easily taken in because it will be less important to you.

Date, have fun, but not if you don't think you'll be strong enough to have boundaries and stick to them.

To quote one of my work colleagues... "Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to know a Prince!".
🐸🫅

Forget him. Go and find your Prince elsewhere (someone who treats you well and makes your eyes light up!)😁

You now say...no thanks! And move on. You dont owe him anything, you arent on the same page about what you want and you dont even know eachother. Just dont put yourself through it. Simple.

It’s a weird feeling. It’s also kind of relieving. Knowing is better. I probably should’ve asked sooner.

I spent some time listening to sad music just to let myself cry.

I’m just worried we’ll end up in exactly the same place a week from now. Somehow there are so many invisible strings between us. It happened before too, and we had such an amazing night. Now, looking back at that night just makes me emotional.

I’m scared it’ll make me weak and sad again, but I guess it is what it is.

Stay strong. You'll find someone better. 💐

I think the first thing you need to do is stop romanticising something that was just a hook up to him. You can live in close proximity to each other and have mutual friends or interests or whatever but that doesn’t mean you’re bound by invisible strings or destined to be together.

I also think you need to be more authentic to yourself in whatever comes next. If you’re playing games or having to follow archaic rules to make something work it’s probably not worth the effort. Just be yourself, be honest about what you want when asked and go with the flow a bit more.

Regardless of how he is feeling about you, this much analysis and hand wringing means that you shouldn't be dating.

Try to calm down or maybe go for therapy. Find out why the early part of a relationship where it seems that the other person likes you, is causing so much anxiety.

Have you told him you don’t want to see him again?

No, I haven't. Is there even any point in telling him that?
By the way, he said he's not looking for anything more than sex right now because he wants to live a "stress-free life"... at least during the summer lol