I'm a woman in a relationship with a man I met around 18 months ago. We are boyfriend and girlfriend to each other, which I think sounds a bit silly as we're both getting on a bit. I'm 55 and he's 63. He started referring to me as his partner a few months back and I suppose that's a more adult way to describe us. What I'm trying to say is we have agreed to be exclusive. I met him through a mutual friend, although her husband knows him mainly through working with him, not socially.
In my head, this is still an early stage of getting to know each other. We see each other 2 or 3 times a week, it can be less depending on our respective work schedules and other commitments. There are certain things I've noticed and I'm not sure if I'm over reacting.
He seems very interested in a commitment in the sense of me moving in with him. He is in the process of buying a brand new house, he's fairly financially secure, although once he has bought it, he will have used up almost all of his savings. He's mentioned it a few times and I've said I don't want that, I have my own home which is paid off and I don't want to be married again. We are both divorced and I don't want to go through that hoopla again.
He knows I am happy with how things are and that is unlikely to change. Over the weekend I wanted to treat him to a nice meal and he said something along the lines of you should keep your money, save it. When I said it was fine to splurge a little, we're talking nothing really over 20 pounds for each person, he said "as partners, what you do with your finances also affects me though".
I should have said something at the time, but I was fairly flabbergasted by his assumption that he could have a say in what I do with my money and that it impacts him in any way at all. I have to add that he also knows I am set to inherit around 200 k from a deceased uncle.
We went out yesterday just to pick up some stuff for our respective houses, a 6 mile drive there and back and he complained about the price of fuel going up again.
Earlier on, in the first few months together, he made a few miserly type comments about spending. I was understanding as I know he went through a difficult divorce and was paying a lot of maintenance. My divorce was not so hard on me, but I do understand how difficult it was for him.
The other thing that's happening is no sex. Again, we're both older, but he seems completely unable to get a proper erection. Again, I'm understanding, it isn't everything, but we've had sex twice early on and then never again. And it was really unsatisfying, the chemistry just doesn't seem to be there. A couple of times I have had to tell him to shower before we are intimate in any other way... but he doesn't really seem interested in me performing oral sex on him or anything else. Sometimes he pleasures me and it can be good. So I've given up on a sex life at age 55... some days I'm OK with it, others not so OK...
Which leads me onto his masturbation habit. I did snoop and he seems to use porn, Instagram etc. a lot. Kind of in spurts a few times a week before or after work. I asked him about it and he said it doesn't affect his attraction to me. He gets frustrated and it takes him hours to orgasm using porn. Some of the porn is light BDSM, with some male domination. I quite like that but he never wants to do anything like that with me. It seems he only wants to watch it.
It gets worse. Yesterday, when we were out, we stopped off for coffee. A bunch of teenage girls came in, he could not take his eyes off one of them. He even commented that he had a birds eye view of teenage girl behaviour and how interesting it was. In the supermarket the other day he said OMG look how tight that girl's leggings are, you can see everything! I've noticed he sometimes stares and stares at bottoms, he seems to like a lot of upskirt porn.
I need to walk, don't I?