How did you know your husband or wife was the one?

[AmITotallyBonkers]

How did you know your husband/ wife was the one you wanted to marry?💖

Time and seeing how he dealt with life when it got tricky. It was my second marriage and I was so scared of making another mistake so I waited 5 years.

I would agree with this.

I spent time evaluating him and making sure we had similar aims and objectives in life, the same belief system, same values, same attitude towards work and household tasks.

However, there were enough differences to make it interesting - no-one wants to marry a clone of themselves !

I just knew , no 'stars and fireworks' just a knowledge that i would marry him and have his kids ,i didn't even want to marry anybody and had no plans for kids.

Firstly, I don’t believe in the concept of “the one”. I think you can have numerous ones throughout your lifetime. That said, I am married. We didn’t actually intend to marry but decided to when our first
child was born, mainly for legal protections. What we did know was that we wanted to be together for a long time, probably forever, and to have a family together. How did we know this? Well it’s a myriad of reasons really! We were late 20s/early 30s so it was roughly the right time, we fancied each other, we loved each others company, we had the same outlook on life, similar values, similar approaches to parenting, similar desires as to where we wanted to live/work, similar approaches to finances, we complemented each other and worked well as a team etc etc. I could go on and on, the crux is that we wanted similar things, were broadly on the same page when it came to big life
stuff and we loved and respected each other. Will it last forever? Who knows, it’s works still today but we do still have kids at home. When they’ve gone maybe something will shift, people change. All I know is that then and right now he’s the one for me, but I’m not so naive to think he’s my one and only.

He was part of the same friend group as my boyfriend during student years. At one point DH met my parents and my Mum went on about how nice he was for about a fortnight. In hindsight she was right as boyfriend became fiancé and jilted me for a liaison with a married woman. Within a month I'd met DH again in passing and we started dating. I knew after the first date he was the one. That was 40 years ago 😲

I knew I wanted to be with him for as long as I could from the beginning. We were very young when we got together and at the time I was just I’m so happy i can’t imagine not being with him. When we’d been together a couple of months I met his mum and his then baby brother. Seeing him with him made me think he’d make a great dad. Although kids wasn’t on my radar at that time as I was only 21 it made me see him longer term. It was very much day to day and we just wanted to be with each other a lot, live together etc.

It felt easy with him from day one. No game playing, we were so aligned, every big life decision we were on the same page.
I immediately felt safe with him in every sense.
We laugh every day.
We met when we were slightly older, and seeing how he cared for his elderly parents also showed his endless patience, that he is someone to grow old with.

I had that feeling of DH being the one from the moment we met. We met for our first date at a pub and ended up staying till closing time. It all just felt so....I don't know...comfy.

I came home and told my housemate I'd met the man I was going to marry.

12 years and two kids later things still feel comfy. And probably more cemented now, I'd say.

We weren't sensible rushing so we had some hard times at the beginning but everything just feels solid now

For us, things were just "easy" between us, we had a couple of common interests, similar family backgrounds, conversation just flowed naturally, nothing was hard work, no arguments, no "game" playing, he was ultra reliable. We became friends first for several months before we got together romantically, and never looked back really. We met 39 years ago and still together.

I once asked a man I knew this, and he said, I didn’t know, I made a choice. I found that really helpful and thirty years later - more than twenty with my husband - I agree. I don’t believe in ‘the one’ as such as I’ve met a couple of men i think I could have been with long term - all of whom just felt instantly familiar and like home. In terms of my husband though, it was the moment, a few months in, that I saw him carry his terminally ill father up eleven flights of stairs, place him gently on his bed and kissed his feet.

I don’t believe in the one at all . I’ve been married for ages and have been with my dh 15 years and it hasn’t always been easy but we get on well most of the time and it works

I don’t believe in ‘the one’ either.

Met my DP about 4 years ago. No fireworks or sparks as such. We went on a few dates and had a nice time together, I found him interesting and intriguing and he clearly wanted to see me again as he kept asking me on another date.

When we first kissed, again no big fireworks, it was nice gentle kiss, and I was happy to do it again. Once we got to sleeping together things heated up! The chemistry grew, and I saw him in a whole new light when he was relaxed and open with me.

We’ve had some ups and downs but I can’t imagine not having him in my life, he’s opened me up in ways I never dreamed of, we’ve shared some beautiful experiences and I know I’ll never find a man as sweet, caring and thoughtful as he is.

I wasn’t sure about ever marrying again after divorcing my ex 16 years ago. But hearing the horror stories of friends who are still dating in their 50s, I’m so thankful to have found this lovely man and he’s very keen to get married, so I will accept his proposal and get married when the time is right!

Like others have said, there was no moment or huge epiphany or anything. We’d been together 6 years, we were living together, happy, I loved him (still do) and couldn’t imagine life without him.

Weirdly, I’m not sure I did know; it was an impulsive thing.

Thirty years later, I definitely do 🥰.

I first saw my partner when they arrived late to an 18th Birthday party in a flat in London. I just knew from the moment of entrance, I really don't know how, I just did. I was taking photos at the party and have a picture to remind me of the moment. 40 + years later still together. The French have an expression, "coup de foudre". Thunderbolt or blow to the heart. Still feel it.

I was in my early 30s when I met him and had had a few relationships. We got on really well and after a few weeks I realised there was nothing I wanted to do more than eat dinner with him. I didn’t want to say goodbye at the end of the night when it was time for him to go home.

He then moved to the other side of London and we’d be apart during the week. It was just too hard so after a few months we moved in together. Been together almost 20 years now, married 15, never had a single doubt, ever. It felt safe and it worked. Always lots to talk about.

He was the kindest man I'd ever met. After spending 23 years in an abusive marriage, he was revelation.

I don't beleive in 'the one' or 'soul mates'. It just down to luck, life and your experiences who you happen to meet and get on with. I have no doubt I would have been equally happy with another person had I met them before my DH. He just appeared at the right time and we are still together 29 years later.

I’ve never believed in ‘the one’ either or even thought I could love. I love my DC of course but never understood romantic love at all. Spent half my life in a controlling, abusive, mediocre marriage because I thought that was as good as it got and I was incapable of having those feelings.
Met someone in an unusual set of circumstances and it was like being hit by lightning. I just knew he was right for me from the moment we locked eyes. I finally know how it feels to love and be loved and treated with kindness.

We met for a daytime date, as soon as we walked around the corner and saw each other we both knew. If we could, we would’ve got married that day the feeling was so strong.

We’ve both been married before to the entirely wrong people, they had totally different values and ethics to us both.

Hmmmm. Second marriage and I quickly realised that he would build me up, rather than 'knock' me down. Plus the first time we met, we talked and talked and talked some more. He has impeccable manners, which is important to me, we have the same political and faith views, like the same or similar things and both have a similar sense of humour. Laughter is also important to me. There are a few negatives in both of us but we just 'clicked' and still do. Together 23 years and married for over 21

Met at student bar. He put his arm around my waist as we were talking. I thought “mmm”. Bit of a slower burn for me than him but been together 31 years and married for 28. He brings out the best in me. He has my back and I have his

This is exactly how I feel. 27 years now and I still can't believe my luck

I can’t relate to that feeling of knowing I’ve found the one. I actually think the romanticism of “the one” can result in lots of people turning down people they would have happy lives with. Obviously that’s their choice and better to have crazy high expectations than some of the stories on here of people accepting miserable relationships.

There's no such thing as The One.

38 years on, he's still my choice, but that's because we've both put a lot of work into building a strong and happy relationship.

But we could also have been happy with others if we'd connected with them and also put the work in.

Like Tim Minchin, "you're special, but you fall within a bell curve."