Do I tell my girlfriend I cheated on her?

[ThisGutsyZebra]

I (M27) have been in an 8 year relationship with the most amazing girl. We’re moving in together (life circumstances mean we haven’t done this already) and planning on getting engaged in a few years when we both feel the time is right. She’s the love of my life and I have never questioned us as a long term unit. Shes the best, she’s so good for me and I am so inspired by her.

Recently a few weeks ago, we had a huge argument, and I suggested maybe it might be time to spend some time apart in the relationship. It was a hard conversation. I then went out with some friends and got so drunk, really really drunk, and bumped into a girl I have mutual friends with. She kissed me, I kissed her back and we had a proper snog. I felt ashamed with myself immediately, she was texting me flirting and I briefly flirted back but then she invited me to sleep with her and I said no. We haven’t had any contact since. I went home with my friend and brother (they didn’t see what happened, we were separated).

only thing is, I want a future with my girl. She’s the best, and I want to make things work and love her so much. I haven’t told her yet, and I don’t think she would find out (deleted the messages from my phone). But I feel so guilty and ashamed I have not slept for weeks. I love her so much. What do I do? I know truly in my heart this would never happen again and it’s pathetic that I stooped to this level. I feel like a failure of a man.

If you were apart at that time then presumably you were both free to see other people. Would you want to know if she snogged, shagged another person or people?

It could well be for the best not to bring it up.

But why would you say you need time apart if your relationship is so perfect? And what's going to stop this same thing happening again? Going off and doing stuff with other people every time your relationship looks difficult isn't really a very good way forward.

How is it dramatic?

He decides he doesn't love her/want to be with her, so he dumps her after 8 years. Weeks before they are due to move in together. He then immediately goes and gets drunk and cheats on her. Not just a kiss but an exchange of information meaning he wanted more contact. He then suddenly has the revelation, after getting that out of his system, that he does in fact love her! (Awww!) And not only does he love her after all (again. What has changed from him breaking up with her?) but he wants to be with her forever but now hes got this pesky secret and he doesn't know whether to betray her by not telling what he did or betray her by telling her.

Poor lambs head must be all in a muddle.

He didn’t break off intentionally for a night so he could be titillated though. He had an argument with his gf, suggested they take a break and was upset so got drunk! And then had a meaningless snog with someone he will never see again.

Not everything is calaculated deception! The op and his gf sound young and we all had messy arguments at that age!

Everyone is tearing you a new asshole, which you deserve, but you’re human. So now, do the right thing: tell her. She may forgive you, she may not, but this stuff always comes out in the end. You may run into the other woman in the future when you’re out with your girlfriend. Then what? That’s the absolute worst way for it to come out. @ThisGutsyZebra Man up, do it now, accept the consequences.

I mean…you’re asking how that is dramatic? Is this a trick question?

You don’t know why people comment that don’t agree with the majority? Of course you do. I commented because that’s my opinion. You don’t have to like it or agree with it but please don’t pretend you don’t understand that some people think differently.

I think you need to have a very hard think about why you did this to the amazing love of your life. If the argument was so bad that you considered separating, are you sure this is the relationship you want forever? Are you sure she’s the love of your life if you’ve been together since you were 19 and the first thing you did after an argument was kiss someone else? Is she an inspiring person because she’s emotionally stable and you’re not? Lots to think about

No, definitely don't tell her. But also don't move in with her. Take a break and figure out what you really want.

This is one of those 'lets see what MN says when the genders are reversed' threads, isn't it? 😁

The answer that you should get is unchanged. Be honest.

No. Don’t tell her. Move on

The absolute state of some of these replies. I'm sorry, but there really is no need for all the venom.

My advice would be to tell her. If I were her, I would respect you for coming clean of your own accord, even though you could've kept it from me, and if you showed genuine remorse I would probably forgive you.

Obviously, you need to be prepared for the fact that this will still hurt her, and you need to be sure in your own heart that it will never, ever happen again. Good luck.

I'd be of the opinion that you should tell but the general consensus on a similar thread where the op fucked someone one else was that telling them would be selfish and the noble thing to do would be to keep it to yourself and your punishment is having to "carry the guilt".

drunken kiss is one thing,but texting back and forth is another,showed no immediate regret.i personally would say nothing,if it's a genuine mistake,forget about it.