Good chemistry, but questionable views. Nerves perhaps ?

[Jenkibuble]

Had a date with a guy yesterday - been chatting for a few days .
I am not new to online dating (been on /off them for 4 years or so)

Went to a pub and chatted for about 2.5 hours.
We hadn't covered much conversation via text, so the chat in real life did flow quite well.

He mentioned his ex a lot (she cheated on him and they split 2 years ago ) and how he parallel parents but refuses to communicate with her AT ALL - kid is 12 , week on / week off.
He did acknowledge that he had spoken about her a lot but that it had really wrecked him etc. He told me 2 sessions of therapy had not helped and not his thing !

He also told me about 'types' he avoided online and some of his views didn't sit well with me-
eg multiple kids by different men (I challenged this, stating is it her fault that the guys ditched her?'
Also, he avoided successful career women
Plus disliked those with any botox/tatoos/fake lashes . I showed him my tattoo and I had my lashes done last week :) at which point he back tracked .

He made comments demonstrating his insecurities eg his age, height and not looking as pretty as he used to.

He mentioned how he would be gutted if his son was gay too. I raised my eyebrows and said 'really' ? and added that I love my kids regardless of their preferences.

Despite this, there was humour and chemistry.

He is away for a week and then I am so we have left it quite chilled about meeting back up after that.

Do I need to accept these differences in opinions /view points . Put it down to nerves too?

TIA !

you’re being very nice about someone who sounds like a loser!

Shag him and move on

Good chemistry after all those "opinions"? Were you a few wines in or something?

I really don't see what nerves would have to do with it. If he'd nervously ordered something because he thought you wanted it, or something, that's not the same thing at all as saying this. It's true a lot of men (and women) don't want to date people with kids from different parents, not necessarily due to judgment, but because dealing with kids that aren't yours and lots of exes can be difficult. And too many people say they'd be fine if their daughter was gay, but not their son. Sexist. If he doesn't like botox or tattoos, he should just own his opinion.
But I wouldn't use nerves to excuse any of this.

It’s a no from me, Simon

I've never accidentally become misogynistic and homophobic when I’m nervous, have you?

No. A good shag isn’t worth dating a homophobe who actually finds certain aspects of you deeply unattractive.

The people who would agree are homophobes. What exactly would be upsetting about it? I have 0 interest in my child’s sex life frankly.

More baggage than a Louis Vuitton factory.
Nope 🙋matey.

So he'd be gutted if his son turned out gay.

Why the hell would anyone even think of mentioning that on a first date?

We were talking about teenagers in general - he mentioned his son wasn't into girls yet.

I mentioned 'Maybe he's gay'
That's what prompted it !

He sounds as if he's being honest with you. You now know what his views are, and they don't align with yours.

I am grateful that I married someone who views the world pretty much as I do.

I have a friend who has said some pretty hair-raising things (she's Chinese and can be very racist!) but I have tolerated those because no-one's perfect and we go back a long way, but in a partner? No.

Maybe who someone wants to get into bed with is none of anyone else's business?

It's rather odd to blurt all that out on date 1. Nearly all men would be gutted if their son was gay that is not an unusual opinion. Doesn't mean they wouldn't get over it and love still thier child. I wouldn't be dancing with joy either but it's not something you randomly come out with on a date. I assume you were discussing if you wanted children in the future or something? I don't like tattoos either, tacky. I'm not sure why having a career is a bad thing. If it's given you the ick then move on.

I agree most of these are red flags but frankly, even if they were just random.opinions - hates shellfish or never watches tv - amd they clashed in a way that would make you uncomfortable (you eat shellfish 4 times a week and are looking for a man who.will snuggle up for a binge fest with you), its ridiculous to come away from a first date feeling like you have to "overlook" things.

That would be a big swerve for me. Completely incompatible with those views.

I am going to be really honest here.

He is a stupid, awful person, and if you date him, you are saying those views are okay. And people will also think you are stupid and awful.

The stuff I read on here is insane.

Bitter, sexist, homophobe... id throw him back

The comment about being gutted if his son was gay would be a deal-breaker for me on its own. What century is this muppet living in?

Throw him back amd wait for someone better. If he wouldn't support his child if they were gay, could you really see yourself staying with him? You deserve better.

Wouldn't be for me .

Why are you questioning this? Raise the bar - he sounds awful . Judgemental, homophobic, putting his anger with his ex ( who he’s still hung up on ) above his child & behaving like a knob! And this is just the first date !

Yes. You went out with a dickhead. I mean, but don’t get homophobic or criticise single mothers out of nerves.

He sounds a bit limited to me - insecure and judgmental. I would avoid.