Good chemistry, but questionable views. Nerves perhaps ?

[Jenkibuble]

Had a date with a guy yesterday - been chatting for a few days .
I am not new to online dating (been on /off them for 4 years or so)

Went to a pub and chatted for about 2.5 hours.
We hadn't covered much conversation via text, so the chat in real life did flow quite well.

He mentioned his ex a lot (she cheated on him and they split 2 years ago ) and how he parallel parents but refuses to communicate with her AT ALL - kid is 12 , week on / week off.
He did acknowledge that he had spoken about her a lot but that it had really wrecked him etc. He told me 2 sessions of therapy had not helped and not his thing !

He also told me about 'types' he avoided online and some of his views didn't sit well with me-
eg multiple kids by different men (I challenged this, stating is it her fault that the guys ditched her?'
Also, he avoided successful career women
Plus disliked those with any botox/tatoos/fake lashes . I showed him my tattoo and I had my lashes done last week :) at which point he back tracked .

He made comments demonstrating his insecurities eg his age, height and not looking as pretty as he used to.

He mentioned how he would be gutted if his son was gay too. I raised my eyebrows and said 'really' ? and added that I love my kids regardless of their preferences.

Despite this, there was humour and chemistry.

He is away for a week and then I am so we have left it quite chilled about meeting back up after that.

Do I need to accept these differences in opinions /view points . Put it down to nerves too?

TIA !

There is nothing problematically woke about being comfortable with women having successful careers. Nor about being loving and supportive whether a child is straight or gay. It's called being a decent human being.

It depends whether a misogynistic, judgemental, homophobic bigot is what you're looking for OP.

He sounds like hell on a stick to me.

At the point of being gutted if his son was gay, I think I'd have called it a night.

Avoids successful women? Oh aye mate - I'm sure you're turning them down by the dozen...

Dude, with love and respect, please raise your standards. Any one of the things you mentioned would be a deal breaker in isolation, nevermind as a whole catalogue.

He didn't say he'd stop loving a gay son though, just that he'd be gutted. I think a lot of people would agree and it doesnt necessarily mean they're homophobic.

Don’t get so hungry that you would eat anything. He is a pile of crap and if you are anything like me you need to back out of dating until you can trust your instincts more!! He is red flag alert.

Christ no. If you were my mate I'd be seriously worried if you were considering another date with him, he sounds like a twat.

There's a massive difference between having different opinions and his being a homophobic misogynist. Imagine how much worse he'll get in later life!

? Why would you be gutted it’s nothing to do with you?

I would be gutted if my child was in a bad or abusive relationship. Anything else after that, they are adults. I would be happy for them.

What would you be gutted about? I don't get it?

I might be worried that they'd face bullying or life would just generally be more difficult for them. I suppose there's an element of being sad they're less likely to have a family (although many gay couples do nowadays), or that you'd hoped for a nice daughter in law to bond with. But gutted?

No, nerves would perhaps make him say one clumsy thing, you were faced with a plethora of them. I think he will infuriate you if you get to know him more and possibly just plain old come to dislike him, chemistry or otherwise.

Avoid, avoid!

A bit of rambling could be first date nerves, but nobody suddenly becomes misogynistic and homophobic from nerves.

Misogynistic and homophobic, what a catch! You can do so much better OP. Also banging on about his ex isn't a good look either, suggests he isn't over her or that she has a totally different side to the story.

Riiight.

They might be 'perfectly legitimate' in your eyes, but many of us don't much like blatant bigotry, sexism or homophobia. Especially not on a first date. But you do you.

I think he said out loud what most men think. The difference is that he didn't have the sense to recognise that these are offensive ideas.
I dare you to find a man who genuinely
a) wouldn't be a little disappointed if their son was gay
b) wanted a woman who was more successful than him
c) wanted a woman who had kids with several different fathers (a red flag for both sexes)

Perfectly legitimate opinions? Seriously?

You must know some bloody awful men.

Maybe not on MN, but in the real world.

I'm a man.

A- Absolutely not, happy & healthy is what I want for my kids.

B- Another absolutely not, bright & intelligent please.

C- Several meaning 3 or more, yes absolutely I agree.

You didn't ask but personally I'm not a fan of tattoos, but it's her body, however there is a vast difference between say a dolphin on your foot vs most of your body covered.

Well @SpaceCat87 thinks he sounds like a dream, there's a peg for every right wing hole, so they say.

yeah, definitely accept his views on what women choose to do with their own bodies and homophobia, I mean where could that possible wrong??

seriously, just ditch. you can't be that desperate for sex or affection.

perfectly legitimate homophobia? I mean everyone's entitled to an opinion, they're like arseholes after all.
but if you also judge women on their sex lives and what they do with their body and you're homophobic, perhaps Op can set you up.

Oh man, I would have lasted about 30 minutes on that awful date. If that was him trying to impress you… 🙄

why would you agree if your not homophobic?

concerned for their welfare given how people can be? yes. worried you won't get grandbabies? not great but you'd presumably feel the same if your straight kid didn't want them. were no longer in the "omg will they die of AIDS" era. so what's to be gutted about? because you're so focused on him having vaginal sex??

No, no, and a thousand times no, I’d have seen seriously put off him. There wouldn’t be any chemistry after half of what he said. 😵‍💫