Do I assume he only wanted sex after becoming less communicative?

[Heartfelt101]

So I’ve been speaking to this guy, not even for long now but we’d speak everyday constantly about everything and anything and then we had sex, the following day and the days that have followed he doesn’t speak to me much anymore atall, maybe like 4 messages a day now. What confuses me is when we’re together in person he cuddles me, always pulls me closer to him, so affectionate, tries to hold my hand, we fall asleep together.

from a males perspective, do I just assume he’s in it for the sex or not?

you don’t need a males perspective to tell you he was after one thing. Sorry

Four messages a day is a lot. I only manage one a day, sometimes less than that.

4 messages a day is a lot. Perhaps he has a job.

I’m comparing it to us speaking constantly throughout the days..

Four messages a day from someone I barely know and slept with once would be plenty for me.

But if they've reduced drastically since you DTD then he could well have just been after the thrill of the chase. Or maybe he genuinely liked you but didn't think you were that sexually compatible? Who knows. He might still feel the same way.

I wouldn't let yourself get too attached. It could just have been a casual fling in his eyes, or he wants an FWB. If you want more it probably won't go far.

Some of them like the chase and the conquest more than they like the aftermath.

What's he like in person when you're not having sex? When you're out on dates etc?

I'm not really a messagey man, but when I was dating (a good 20 years ago now) I was always quite good at it during the very early "getting to know you" phase. It's easy then, you ask a lot of questions, answer a lot of questions. There's no way I could maintain that for more than a couple of weeks though, I'm just not that interesting, I prefer to save conversation for when I'm actually in person.

I'm still like it now, DP and I probably exchange about 4 messages a week.

If he's still interested in you when you're actually together, then I wouldn't worry too much about the messaging personally.

Yeah, he may very well have pursued you and has now gotten what he really wanted so is backing off. Or it could be worse than that. Is he youngish? Late twenties, early thirties? He may be genuinely disappointed by your hook-up due to an over interest in porn. So many men don't understand the difference between pornstars and real women because that's all they have known.
Maybe you are well out of it, OP. Just play it cool and see what happens.

the sex tbh isn’t even that good, he lasts like 20 seconds each time. I just liked him for him.

im starting to think he liked the thrill..

Yeah he’s late 20s. But like the first time we ever had sex, he couldn’t even keep his penis up, he seemed very embarrassed about it. The second time we had sex the whole time it wouldn’t be more than 20-30seconds. I’m not sure if that’s down to porn or not

He's dropped off calling because he's embarrassed. probably talked a good fuck but couldn't deliver. Throw him back OP.

Honestly, it’s such a minefield these days. Also, should we be having the ‘are we exclusive chat’ before sleeping with each other. Arghhhh. Id love to be able to stay detached and be in the moment!

Sod that

He sold me a dream!!!
but as I said earlier, that’s fine. I liked him as a person..

A dream of good sex?

Yep! He had all the talk but hasn’t delivered yet.

How old are you @Heartfelt101

He lasts 20 seconds each time? Is this satisfactory for you / to you? Does he do other things for you because 20 secs would not work for me at all, nevermind the texting frequency.

C'est la vie

I bet the majority of the communications was phone sex. And now reality has kicked in

I’m mid 20s. Yes each time, he told me to take it as a compliment, whatever that means and absolutely not is it satisfying. Most of the time he would just pull out after like 10 seconds and say he’s about to finish and doesn’t want to. It was just a very confusing situation.

Just a boy with a new toy.

What does that mean?

Stay classy and don't chase him. I am cross on your behalf. And not even great sex to remember him!

They always say "take it as a compliment" when they finish too early 🙄

Does he do anything to satisfy you after this quick fire performance?

He might be inexperienced. He might be porn addled. He might have a health issue / taking certain meds etc but at the end of the day - as much as you like him - you really have to ask yourself, as youthful as you are, if this is going to be satisfactory for you?

Also if he is embarrassed (perhaps understandable) wouldn't the right thing would be to have an open conversation with you about things?

Just slow ghosting you is not very mature.

Please don't chase this man. Get on with living your life and don't settle for this.

This is the kind of question that is impossible to answer.

Some people might feel that a real relationship replaces constant texting. Equally, he may be embarrassed about the sex. And, of course, finally, he may be only after one thing.

You need to ask him what he wants and tell him what you want. And then see if those two are compatible.

If not, obviously dump him. But it seems crazy to dump someone you like based on the amount of texts they send in a day.

He was over excited at having sex