My libido is back and I don't want my DH

[Aworldofwonder]

Sorry this is a bit personal but I can't speak about in IRL.

I had a high sex drive when I was younger - up until I had cancer in my 40s and gruelling treatment out me into menopause. Sex was very painful then it wasn't but it also wasn't very appealing. I'd quite enjoy the intimacy aspect but really would not care if we never bothered again.

Fast forward to the last couple of weeks and out of nowhere BAM it's back. I cannot explain it. I am sex obsessed. It's not good. I have just forgotten an important commitment because I went to masturbate in the middle of the afternoon. Last night I wanted DH to go to sleep so I could get my toy out. I was feeling really resentful because he wouldn't drop off.

And here's the worst part. I don't want him. I spend all my time fantasising about him going to work overseas and me getting an arrangement with two men who have sexless marriages. Purely a fantasy before anyone comes for me!

Myself and DH were never truly aligned sexually. I really tried hard for the years before DC came to improve our sex life and felt frustrated and angry about it. It was boring and unsatisfying. Then i was sick and then I didn't really care. The rest of our relationship is great. I don't want to have to leave him.

Now I feel like oh no this is awful. I can't stay with him anymore and feel like this.

Divorce him? you both deserve to be in relationships with partners who want to have sex with each other.

I don't think he cares and that's the truth. As in once he gets sex a couple of times a month he doesn't care if I'm particularly into it or not - and this was the problem all along because I never wanted to settle for lukewarm sex.

It’s quite possibly a temporary surge in oestrogen and progesterone before your perimenopause. Don’t burn your boats

So, Divorce him?

Hear me out- it could be the start of vaginal atrophy. The drop in hormones makes things a bit extra sensitive and inflamed, rather like being horny. Beware, it moves fast into being uncomfortable, so get hormone cream or HRT if it’s suitable for you. Usually they say the cream/pessary is ok, but you’ll have to check.

I was thinking that, it can be very powerful but not last that long (2 years or so for me), and then you are left thinking what was that all about!

Are you sexually attracted to him? If you don’t want sex with him isn’t he just essentially a friend you’re living with?

I don't know. It's been so long since I've felt like this I almost don't know how to communicate with him about this. I am not thinking about real life people, I'm literally like a ridiculous teenager with sex on the brain.

I'm post menopause. I'm extremely fit now and feeling great but honestly it's beyond simply feeling confident again and like a teenager hitting puberty.

Ahhhhh maybe I need to really connect with him. He's a great DH and I love him. I had no interest for ages.

Well he's gorgeous but no I don't seem to see him that way. I am not attracted to anyone else I'm interacting with either, I'm like a teenager off in wild fantasies about people on TV!

How did your sex drive come back? I’ve had a low-moderate sex drive (and at times non-existent) since my late 20s. I miss that life-deranging horniness. How did you get it back?!

Also to the loser men unboxing me asking me if I need helping out, get a life.

Honestly I have no idea, it is kind of funny but in another way just very strange. I've been watching some muck on TV I would have loved as a teenager and it seems to have woken her up.

Why not give it a go. Buy some couples toys, he might relax a little and become more exciting when he knows you’re keen.

Yuk, I hope you've reported them. Can you talk about how you are feeling with DH?

As in once he gets sex a couple of times a month he doesn't care if I'm particularly into it or not

What kind of man can maintain an erection when he knows that his wife doesn't actually want to have sex?

Hint: not one any woman wants to be married to.

I think you should try to re-light the fire between you both. But if you have zero sexual attraction towards him, even after trying, I think you should set yourself and him free. Unless of course you’re both happy to continue as you are, but I say life is too short. Find someone that excites you

You are right, I will! I am actually feeling really weird now about how I've been - I had no drive but he did. For about a year I pushed him away as it was painful. Then it wasn't painful and I suspect he was just glad to be getting occasional mind numbingly boring sex.

Who knows, this might be a new lease of life for us both.