Are there any perfect marriages out there?

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Are all marriages a bit fucked? Is this life? Is it only in fairytales we can have a safe and drama free ride?

@Winniepoobearah reading your story has helped me so much, and I am so happy it worked out. I so hope I can overcome this. So far he is trying so hard and I can see the heartbreak and devastation. Realising that everyone has a story…. No marriage or person is perfect. I do believe he lost his way, we had a rocky few years with business and health and issues and stress…. Only time will tell. It’s just so devastating xx

I’m sorry you are going through this. I definitely think it’s worth fighting for. Having seen what my single friends are experiencing in the dating world currently, I would try and make it work.

I’ll try to offer a different perspective on why he may have entertained this. I am 48 years old, I feel I’ve lost myself somewhat. I used to be reasonably attractive, now I feel boring and irrelevant. I have a good marriage, my husband is simply amazing however a few months ago on a night out with some friends, a younger group of guys started chatting to us; they clearly didn’t realise our ages given the lighting was very flattering. It made me feel so good, I felt young and attractive again and I was extremely flattered; it would have been so easy to cheat. I don’t want to be with any other man but it felt so good to get this attention. When you have children, you can lose a part of yourself. Maybe your husband just felt flattered and felt some of his old self re-emerge. I doubt this was about you. I hope you work things out.

@Rocknrolllifethank you so much. I do understand. And good for you for enjoying your night and feeling good. There’s zero wrong with that. I think (some/most) men can bet very weak. Everyone likes to feel attractive. It’s nice to feel noticed.
but there’s a line. I feel like I’ve lost myself and the reason this hurts so much is because I have such deep anxiety and insecurities. Busy lives and kids and no time together… or for myself. Oh to have the other woman’s outright confidence……

It is a complete let down. Out of all of my friends and family, and everyone one I know, 2 couples genuinely love each other still in their 50’s, and as it happens, both those women are so tough and don’t take one ounce of crap. They are vocal and demanding and have high standards. They don’t give an inch. They are in charge and their husbands know it.

Everyone else is completely miserable and stuck.

From my experience, once someone has let you down that much, I don’t think anything is ever the same again.

This might not be a bad thing. Maybe things needed to change?

‘You can have a second marriage to the same person’ as Esther Perel says. Very best of luck to you x

@3luckystarsyoure so right. I think something had to change. I was in denial of how unhappy I was. But we were so happy before we had some recent hard times….. It will either be the making or the breaking of us.

It depends on what your definition of perfect is! Honestly, as long as my husband is loyal and doesn’t ever have an affair, or ever become domestically or emotionally abusive - I will consider that a happy marriage.

My husband is A LOT more than that and to me he’s perfect even though he winds me up, we bicker, argue… but to me, an affair would just be devastating and something I could never come back from. Small arguments about who’s turn it is to unload the dishwasher etc I couldn’t care less about