How do you stop yourself getting attached?

[ADACS]

I’m a single mum and, because of life and circumstances, I haven’t dated or slept with anyone for years. I’ve never really been into casual sex anyway, which is partly why it’s been so long.
Lately though, I’ve started thinking I’d like to get back out there. The problem is I don’t really have the time or headspace to date properly or look for a serious relationship.
My issue is that, before I had children, whenever I had anything casual I always ended up catching feelings. Even if it started as just sex and we were both clear it wasn’t going anywhere, I’d still get attached and secretly hope they’d change their mind and want a relationship. They never did, and I always ended up hurt.
I’m not keen on one night stands for safety reasons, but I also know that if I’m regularly sleeping with the same person I’m very likely to develop feelings.
Is there any way to stop yourself getting emotionally attached, or is that just how some people are wired? Has anyone managed to teach themselves to keep sex and emotions separate, or am I kidding myself?
I’d be really interested to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar position.

Yes I don’t know OP but sounds a great set up if you can find it !

I think it's a combination of many factors, neurological wiring, previous experiences, emotional nature, hormones, and so on.

You've tried casual sex before, you get feelings, that's just how you roll. I don't think a casual FWB would work out for you.

Feelings are lovely, but they shouldn’t be confused for thinking sensibly about what a person does.

Try to spot the impulse towards black and white categorisation where you excuse or even admire bad behaviour because you like the person. Maturity is being able to distinguish between enjoying the person and condoning their conduct.

If you spot red flags and decide to end a relationship it will hurt, but that’s not a feeling that you should allow into your decisions. It’s painful, like a papercut, but you’ll get over it. Have done strategies in place for that - a break up playlist is essential.

I hate the phase catching feelings.

How would you feel about the two men you’re FWB with also having other women on the side? So they have two women FWB too ir maybe more?

It all gives me the ick honestly, passing our bodies around for a moment of dopamine. Just buy a good vibrator instead?

Trying to override your emotional side may not work. You may end up attaching to both men. I’d find it a headfuck. But everyone is different.

i also don’t want to not attach. Not now. I realised that numbing out with regards to sex is really bad for my mental state. I feel used if I have casual sex so I don’t do it.

I wouldn’t care??

I use to feel that way but I am a sexual person and whilst I prefer it in a relationship that isn’t possible

Also, having sex with multiple men may just end up with you very confused!! Just be careful with that
My mother advised calling all men '"darling", because that way, you don't have to remember their names.'

She also asked if I had tried walking the streets when I rang home to ask for a loan towards the end of term at uni, so I'm not sure anyone should take too much notice of her advice, but there it is, just in case ..

Fill your life with other fun stuff and have more than one guy on the go.

I think we were friends at uni!!

It's not just passing bodies around for a moment of dopamine though is it? It's having sex, it's about connecting with someone else.

Saying "just get a vibrator" doesn't work. It's like the difference between talking to yourself and having a conversation with a friend.

Or hitting a tennis ball against a wall versus actually playing against someone.

Masturbation and sex aren't the same thing, and scratching one itch doesn't scratch the other.

You may not want meaningless sex with people, and thats fine. But why judge other people for it?

Thanks, yeah a vibrator is not the same at all!

Where do people meet people these days apart from online? Am willing to try too

Will be online for me, honestly don’t see how you would otherwise unless you still go on night out etc thats long gone for me